When it comes to my kid...when she's really excited about something...I get really disappointed when things don't work out for her. I couldn't care less about me. I think it's a byproduct of this weird way we're raising kids. Scheduling playdates and having us so involved in their lives opposed to how we were raised. We just went over and played - no parents decided. No parents had to coordinate. Sometimes I feel like I'm not good at this thing of coordination and being on top of things. Like today...I totally failed at getting Gracie Abrams tickets. Super bummed for my Gracie loving kiddo - couldn't care less for me personally.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to play it down to your kid, plans change.
" hey larlo, James cant come over today, lets go to the park instead and I will try and set up a new date with his mom"
Then move on, acknowledge the disappointment but dont feed into it.

Agree. Its not a big deal and is likely not personal.

Plus one thousand to this. My mom used to make a massive deal about anyone who slighted me and it absolutely destroyed my self esteem and self confidence. I’m still paying for it.

Anonymous wrote:I have two kids in elementary and this stuff is so exhausting to me, too. I didn't realize I had to host so many playdates so that my kids had friends, I thought that they would make their own friends or they would get playdate invitations, that I didn't really have to put much effort in. When I was a kid my parents put in 0 effort and I had friends. I also find this stuff intimidating and feel like I've done a disservice by not inviting a bunch of kids over.

OP here I’m an immigrant and I wholeheartedly agree the concept is foreign to me but it does matter and I want to make the effort.

I have two kids in elementary and this stuff is so exhausting to me, too. I didn't realize I had to host so many playdates so that my kids had friends, I thought that they would make their own friends or they would get playdate invitations, that I didn't really have to put much effort in. When I was a kid my parents put in 0 effort and I had friends. I also find this stuff intimidating and feel like I've done a disservice by not inviting a bunch of kids over.

Anonymous wrote:OP here thank you all for the context we have the same number of children but I understand schedules change I also noted the comment about maybe the child doesn’t want to come over, which is also fair.

By the way, I’m doing pickup today and about to see this mom …so now I’m overthinking that upcoming interaction. PS I have a job where I speak with lots of people often (and am comfortable and confident since I’m awesome at it haha) but this school stuff I find intimidating.

You seem to be taking this way too personally.

I remember there was this one mom who said her kid wanted to do a play date. I reached out and she basically blew us off saying they had no time between kids travel sports. I thought it was a total blow off but then my kids started doing these sports where one or both my kids had practice daily and hard to schedule a play date. They RSVPd yes to my kid’s birthday party and no showed. I’m still super friendly with mom. She eventually did host my kid for a play date like a year later. She is a perfect looking mom with perfect looking sons. They look like a Ralph Lauren ad. I never felt bad when I saw them. She is actually quite friendly.

OP here thank you all for the context we have the same number of children but I understand schedules change I also noted the comment about maybe the child doesn’t want to come over, which is also fair.

By the way, I’m doing pickup today and about to see this mom …so now I’m overthinking that upcoming interaction. PS I have a job where I speak with lots of people often (and am comfortable and confident since I’m awesome at it haha) but this school stuff I find intimidating.

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, I wouldn't take a cancellation 24 after scheduling personally. That genuinely sounds like someone who doesn't know their schedule well.

Agree with this, also, OP, you don’t say how many kids you have or their ages, but only parents and parents doing things for the first time with their oldest tend to have no concept of how complicated families’ schedules are with 2 or 3 kids who are old enough to all have their own activities and schedules. Like, maybe friend was free and mom thought she could bring him but Dad didn’t put his own haircut on the schedule and now dad can’t take sibling to soccer so mom has to rearrange…there’s a million reasons and the change within 24 hours strongly suggests a scheduling issue.

Honestly, I wouldn't take a cancellation 24 after scheduling personally. That genuinely sounds like someone who doesn't know their schedule well.

Invite more than one child for play dates a time. It happened several times, a specific child my DC wanted to invite, the mom totally forgot about it.

I wouldn't get upset until this turns into a pattern. Things happen and plans change - last year, I scheduled my DD's birthday party around her three closest friends' availability and then one of them RSVP'd no to the party anyway. I was pretty pissed about that one because I had confirmed the date with her mom, but shit happens...

Unless the mom who cancelled offers to reschedule, I would assume it’s her child who doesn’t want to do the playdate. You should ask your kid to make sure the other kid is actually interested.

Anonymous wrote:You must have very low self esteem

So this was not helpful. Not OP.

I have 3 kids. Oldest one is now 17. I have hosted so many kids. Some people are just flaky. I would not read into the wealthy or perfect mom thing. In my experience, those are the ones who are the most polite and not flake.

I remember my kid used to have this one friend in preschool and both the kid and my kid would beg me for a play date. I reached out a few times. Finally we make a plan and they flake. I wrote them off. A few months later, the mom sends me a long email about how she has cancer and how much her son adores my son.

I would not take this personally.

Anonymous wrote:You need to schedule and have many more playdates so that you and your child can come to understand that a cancellation is not a big deal.

This. Cancellations suck and can hurt, but the more play dates you have, the less there will be high hopes riding on the playdate. And now that you know this friend cancelled, have a backup plan if you reschedule the play date.

Sorry, OP.