I just want to point out that being judged by other parents happens to us as special needs parents, but it also happens to non-special needs parents. There is so much parental judging going on. Their judgy-ness says more about them than about you. I look to be friends with parents who have an understanding of the diverse circumstances of families and who are more interested in understanding and supporting others and giving grace than judging.

I grew up with a very judgy mom, and she judged everyone including her own kids. It's been a very hard pattern to break in myself, and I've really tried not to pass it on to my kids. Part of not passing it on is to explicitly teach my kids what social situations require, but also to teach them to be curious about a person's behavior rather than automatically jumping to judgement. Still, as a parent who had an abusive partner, I want my kids to be somewhat judgy in the sense that they should have boundaries about how other people treat them and feel comfortable saying no or walking away from relationships that are not healthy.

It's complicated.

Anonymous wrote:Loads of protein, focus on gut health, and core work-out! Make sure using Iodized salt.

NO!

I’m a mom to a hyperactive DD and her preschool/early ES years were so difficult. I was always jealous of the boys who could get away with wrestling and pushing around & yelling at one another.

The type of girl who we had the most trouble with is the one who appears quiet and great to adults, but is cruel in quiet ways. When my DD would react, she’d immediately get in trouble. The parents of these quiet mean girls can be the worst.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry, OP. I have a sweet girl (who turned out to have very mild autism). But she's my second kid. My first is a boy and he has severe ADHD and mild autism, and got into trouble every day at preschool. The kids, *particularly one little girl that I grew to irrationally resent*, would stream out at pick-up time and tell me "Guess what DS did today" and my heart would SINK. How sad is it to be shamed by 4 year olds, OP???

Stay strong and help your boys as much as you can. My son is now a rising senior in college. He has a summer job and a research project with a professor. He will always be quirky and need accommodations, but if he can find position that fits him, he will be successful in the workplace. Bolster your kids' weaknesses and encourage their strengths. It will pay off!

DP here but I can relate so hard!! The parents of those annoying tatle tale 4 year olds are the ones who should be ashamed! I may have told one once that nice kids mind their own business... truly would rather have my disregulated wild child than these obnoxious Karens in the making!

Your attitude is really unpleasant. Attacking 4 year olds and calling them Karens? Give them some grace, just like you want other parents to give your child grace. Sometimes kids act that way because they have challenges, too. Not every kid who is struggling with something is the type that gets “disregulated.” Some are very rigid and act the way you describe as “Karen”-ish.

Attacking 4 year olds is kind of the theme of this thread. Its all unpleasant. Its just extra unpleasant for some kids and not others. The 4 year old Karens get way more grace!

The feral kids get to act in ways that would get a dog put down. It's hard to get more grace than that.

I’m not going to give you any advice because I believe sometimes we all need to vent. My first born was difficult and things were really REALLY rough. And then they got better years later. But I wondered many nights if they ever would.

My second was a sweet girl, who is now a teen and is not a sweet girl. She was a super easy kid and we are going through a new and different and unexpected hell in the teen years. I pulled DH into the garage recently and said something to the effect - why have our kids been so hard?

We have to have faith that this will pass too. We are just in the thick of it now too.

Hugs and strength to you, OP.

Loads of protein, focus on gut health, and core work-out! Make sure using Iodized salt.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry, OP. I have a sweet girl (who turned out to have very mild autism). But she's my second kid. My first is a boy and he has severe ADHD and mild autism, and got into trouble every day at preschool. The kids, *particularly one little girl that I grew to irrationally resent*, would stream out at pick-up time and tell me "Guess what DS did today" and my heart would SINK. How sad is it to be shamed by 4 year olds, OP???

Stay strong and help your boys as much as you can. My son is now a rising senior in college. He has a summer job and a research project with a professor. He will always be quirky and need accommodations, but if he can find position that fits him, he will be successful in the workplace. Bolster your kids' weaknesses and encourage their strengths. It will pay off!

DP here but I can relate so hard!! The parents of those annoying tatle tale 4 year olds are the ones who should be ashamed! I may have told one once that nice kids mind their own business... truly would rather have my disregulated wild child than these obnoxious Karens in the making!

Your attitude is really unpleasant. Attacking 4 year olds and calling them Karens? Give them some grace, just like you want other parents to give your child grace. Sometimes kids act that way because they have challenges, too. Not every kid who is struggling with something is the type that gets “disregulated.” Some are very rigid and act the way you describe as “Karen”-ish.

Attacking 4 year olds is kind of the theme of this thread. Its all unpleasant. Its just extra unpleasant for some kids and not others. The 4 year old Karens get way more grace!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry, OP. I have a sweet girl (who turned out to have very mild autism). But she's my second kid. My first is a boy and he has severe ADHD and mild autism, and got into trouble every day at preschool. The kids, *particularly one little girl that I grew to irrationally resent*, would stream out at pick-up time and tell me "Guess what DS did today" and my heart would SINK. How sad is it to be shamed by 4 year olds, OP???

Stay strong and help your boys as much as you can. My son is now a rising senior in college. He has a summer job and a research project with a professor. He will always be quirky and need accommodations, but if he can find position that fits him, he will be successful in the workplace. Bolster your kids' weaknesses and encourage their strengths. It will pay off!

DP here but I can relate so hard!! The parents of those annoying tatle tale 4 year olds are the ones who should be ashamed! I may have told one once that nice kids mind their own business... truly would rather have my disregulated wild child than these obnoxious Karens in the making!

Your attitude is really unpleasant. Attacking 4 year olds and calling them Karens? Give them some grace, just like you want other parents to give your child grace. Sometimes kids act that way because they have challenges, too. Not every kid who is struggling with something is the type that gets “disregulated.” Some are very rigid and act the way you describe as “Karen”-ish.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m the mom of a sweet girl and even if she needs to speak to you about whatever happened, that doesn’t mean she’s judging you. It just means whatever is happening is happening. You might on the same team and just need to coordinate.

It's generally not true that this parent is on the same team. Whatever is happening should be dealt with by proper chanels, in the school or team or wherever they were. A mom needing to talk outside of that is probably just judging.

I have at times texted or emailed "hey i saw this happen at pick up and wanted you to be aware" but that doesn’t seem like that's what this is.

Really inappropriate except if that child is being abused by an adult.

Anonymous wrote:I’m the mom of a sweet girl and even if she needs to speak to you about whatever happened, that doesn’t mean she’s judging you. It just means whatever is happening is happening. You might on the same team and just need to coordinate.

It's generally not true that this parent is on the same team. Whatever is happening should be dealt with by proper chanels, in the school or team or wherever they were. A mom needing to talk outside of that is probably just judging.

I have at times texted or emailed "hey i saw this happen at pick up and wanted you to be aware" but that doesn’t seem like that's what this is.

I’m the mom of a sweet girl and even if she needs to speak to you about whatever happened, that doesn’t mean she’s judging you. It just means whatever is happening is happening. You might on the same team and just need to coordinate.

I would not converse with this random woman. Eff her.

I would just not deal with that woman. Just ghost her.

She is just using a foothold to play domination games and will move the goalposts once you engage.

Anonymous wrote:Look into food allergies/sensitivities.

+1 million. I have seen the effects first hand and the drastic improvement first hand, too.

I get it. Sometimes, most of the time, it's all just so hard. And I constantly feel judged or jealous or tired. So tired.