Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm shocked at some of these responses. I will give my kids $X amount of money regardless of whether they elope, have a 100k wedding or a cheap wedding. It's a gift to my child after all.

You don't think the parents should at least be invited to the wedding? I feel like they have to have some self respect.

They are invited! I actually had lots of friends who had courthouse marriages prior to the real weddings (sometimes because it was out of state or needed for military issues). All friends considered the wedding to be their real wedding. A courthouse marriage isn't that much different than getting a license at the courthouse before your wedding.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm shocked at some of these responses. I will give my kids $X amount of money regardless of whether they elope, have a 100k wedding or a cheap wedding. It's a gift to my child after all.

You don't think the parents should at least be invited to the wedding? I feel like they have to have some self respect.

They are. You'd understand that if you didn't have an agenda and a selective reading problem.

Anonymous wrote:I'm shocked at some of these responses. I will give my kids $X amount of money regardless of whether they elope, have a 100k wedding or a cheap wedding. It's a gift to my child after all.

You don't think the parents should at least be invited to the wedding? I feel like they have to have some self respect.

Anonymous wrote:I'm shocked at some of these responses. I will give my kids $X amount of money regardless of whether they elope, have a 100k wedding or a cheap wedding. It's a gift to my child after all.

Exactly! That's what loving parents do if they are able. Not judging if they don't have the money.

This control game some of the parents play is just horrible.

I'm shocked at some of these responses. I will give my kids $X amount of money regardless of whether they elope, have a 100k wedding or a cheap wedding. It's a gift to my child after all.

Anonymous wrote:There won’t be a wedding ceremony next summer. Cost of living will prevent them from affording it. I’m not sure why she needs any money for a courthouse wedding, just give her a gift of $5000 and that’s it. Cancel her insurance, car payment, etc now so it transfers to her.

NP. Her car insurance will decrease a lot once she gets married. I married at 24 and it dropped a lot. DH's dropped by half.

You said wedding next summer. Do you mean summer 2026? Or summer 2027? We're in spring still so next summer to me is a few months away.

Anonymous wrote:What wedding expenses does she have that are $10k? She's eloping. She has to pay for a marriage certificate and that's it.

You want to be an adult? You pay for yourself. You don't rely on Mommy and Daddy's finances - that's what children do.

+1 it's your $ and you can choose what to do with it OP. It's different to help pay for a wedding (which should happen when the actual wedding expenses begin like deposits on a venue or vendors) and random $10k for the courthouse you're not invited to. My parents were very generous in paying for my wedding but I also accommodated their preferences including people they wanted to invite. You don't have to be a bank writing checks no strings attached. If DD wants that freedom, she should be financially independent and pay for it herself.

Anonymous wrote:There won’t be a wedding ceremony next summer. Cost of living will prevent them from affording it. I’m not sure why she needs any money for a courthouse wedding, just give her a gift of $5000 and that’s it. Cancel her insurance, car payment, etc now so it transfers to her.

Why?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What wedding expenses does she have that are $10k? She's eloping. She has to pay for a marriage certificate and that's it.

You want to be an adult? You pay for yourself. You don't rely on Mommy and Daddy's finances - that's what children do.

And if she were to agree to wait a year, then the money would be there all of a sudden?

DP. If she has an actual wedding, OP could give the money for that. She's eloping, OP isn't even invited, and she's asking for 10k which is the same amount she owes in student loans per the OP. I'd be skeptical and I can understand why OP wants to pay the actual vendors.

This nitpicking nonsense is so strange. OP can simply say "this is what dad and planned to give you for your wedding, but that's it. However you spend it there will be no more." If she spends her wedding money on paying off student loans so what? Probably smarter to do that anyway.

There won’t be a wedding ceremony next summer. Cost of living will prevent them from affording it. I’m not sure why she needs any money for a courthouse wedding, just give her a gift of $5000 and that’s it. Cancel her insurance, car payment, etc now so it transfers to her.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What wedding expenses does she have that are $10k? She's eloping. She has to pay for a marriage certificate and that's it.

You want to be an adult? You pay for yourself. You don't rely on Mommy and Daddy's finances - that's what children do.

And if she were to agree to wait a year, then the money would be there all of a sudden?

DP. If she has an actual wedding, OP could give the money for that. She's eloping, OP isn't even invited, and she's asking for 10k which is the same amount she owes in student loans per the OP. I'd be skeptical and I can understand why OP wants to pay the actual vendors.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who owns the car?

How is that at all relevant to DD getting married?

They want to punish a grown woman by taking the car away because it’s not owned by her. From controlling the lives of their adult children (trying to stop a grown woman from getting married, giving 19-year-olds curfews, assigning 18-year-olds bedtimes), to being overbearing toward younger kids (not letting an 8-year-old stay home alone for 15 minutes, not allowing an 11-year-old to walk to school, giving high schoolers screen time limits), this forum is really full of the most helicopter-y parents ever. How sad for these kids.

Anonymous wrote:What wedding expenses does she have that are $10k? She's eloping. She has to pay for a marriage certificate and that's it.

You want to be an adult? You pay for yourself. You don't rely on Mommy and Daddy's finances - that's what children do.

And if she were to agree to wait a year, then the money would be there all of a sudden?

I would feel like you but probably give the 10k anyway if I could afford to. In your shoes, I’d be concerned about whether the engagement is impulsive. If they’ve been together a few years I’d feel better. We don’t stop worrying about our kids just because they graduate college, though we do have to accept their autonomy. You should only provide as much financial support as you comfortably can at this time. If you need to save money by putting some aside each month, you can explain that. Whatever you give, now or later, plan to do the same for all your children. I’m not in a position to contribute a lot for weddings since I have 3 kids so I will be focused on fairness. DH is one of 5. His divorced dad paid for his oldest sister’s college and wedding in full, going into debt. His next 2 sisters didn’t attend college or have weddings. He wasn’t able to help DH or his youngest sibling with college/weddings at all. Fortunately, DH didn’t hold a grudge.