Anonymous
Post 05/28/2026 10:09     Subject: Why are rich people so cagey about money?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:They pretend to be poor; nickel and dime everyone "did you send me your half of lunch via venmo?" In my experience, the richer someone is...the more "pretend poor" they are!

Can you explain this phenomenon?


My net worth has nothing to do with it. Unless I agree I'm treating everyone for lunch/dinner I expect you to pay your portion. Just like I Venmo whomever paid when I'm out


Same but if I know someone doesn't have as much as me, I will often pick it up. And I don't send out tracking hounds for $20 from a split lunch. It's up to you but it's also ok to just be generous if you have the means.
Anonymous
Post 05/28/2026 08:16     Subject: Why are rich people so cagey about money?
Rich people become wealthy because they are strategic with their money and do not waste it. That being said, rich people can also be very generous with their close friends. They value friendship and loyalty above everything else. One of my best friends has a net worth of over $500 million, while I am just a GS-13 government worker. He bought me a $100,000 car for my 50th birthday and lets me use many of his homes in Europe and South America. He even paid for my kids’ college tuition. To him, friendship and loyalty are the most important things in life.
Anonymous
Post 05/28/2026 08:03     Subject: Why are rich people so cagey about money?
Anonymous wrote:The richer I’ve become, the more generous I’ve become. I have no problem paying for people; it gives me a lot of joy to do it. I feel a sense of obligation, actually, because I can’t believe how lucky I am. I, too, have trouble understanding why some rich people are so cheap and stingy. I know quite a few and it makes me think less of them. Being cheap when you aren’t rich? Understandable. But otherwise…gross.


I got in an argument with my mom over this. My sisters family is visiting from overseas soon and I had some plans to entertain them. Touristy type things, tickets to a musical, things I know they will enjoy. My mom flipped out that all these things are too expensive and she gave alternatives like going to a high school play, hanging at the local park and so on, things that are free or close to free. I said I would pay and to forget it and she lost it at me for “wasting money” and “champagne tastes” etc.
My parents are multi millionaires and choose to live like they are poor. They will of course say it’s because of those choices that they have so much money but it made our childhoods pretty depressing and we don’t want to continue that cycle. We want to enjoy ourselves and if it costs a little extra we don’t mind. We’re not consumerist by any means.
Anonymous
Post 05/28/2026 07:56     Subject: Why are rich people so cagey about money?
I have not observed this phenomenon that op references.

But also don’t understand why op thinks rich people should buy her lunch?
Anonymous
Post 05/28/2026 07:41     Subject: Why are rich people so cagey about money?
It’s because poor people don’t understand what rich even means. I grew up working class and married a high earner. I used to think $100k of income and $1M saved meant you were rich. But then you realize how much money it takes to do anything.
Anonymous
Post 05/28/2026 06:42     Subject: Why are rich people so cagey about money?
Anonymous wrote:They pretend to be poor; nickel and dime everyone "did you send me your half of lunch via venmo?" In my experience, the richer someone is...the more "pretend poor" they are!

Can you explain this phenomenon?

The phenomenon is that you only notice and mention it because they are rich. I had a poor acquaintance who did the same thing instead of concentrating on buying assets and having more money. He thought other poor were the assets. Even made them house him for every little favor.
The super rich I know pretend to be regular people for safety reasons. They have no reason to tell the poor how rich they are and all others already know about their money.
Plenty of poor pretend to be rich. Money is all they talk about. They even ask you lunch money from lunch they never attended.
I lived among the poor for 20 years. Super interesting bunch. Reading every book about them now.
By the way, you are poor if I had to guess.
Anonymous
Post 05/28/2026 06:29     Subject: Why are rich people so cagey about money?
Hoarders mentality. I came from a lower income single parent Black household and went to an elite private school and am now a lawyer so I see it from an outside perspective. Poor people are just much generous people as a general rule than wealthy people.
Anonymous
Post 05/28/2026 05:44     Subject: Why are rich people so cagey about money?
The richer I’ve become, the more generous I’ve become. I have no problem paying for people; it gives me a lot of joy to do it. I feel a sense of obligation, actually, because I can’t believe how lucky I am. I, too, have trouble understanding why some rich people are so cheap and stingy. I know quite a few and it makes me think less of them. Being cheap when you aren’t rich? Understandable. But otherwise…gross.
Anonymous
Post 05/28/2026 02:12     Subject: Why are rich people so cagey about money?
Anonymous wrote:They pretend to be poor; nickel and dime everyone "did you send me your half of lunch via venmo?" In my experience, the richer someone is...the more "pretend poor" they are!

Can you explain this phenomenon?


Because most rich people are rich because they inherited family money, got lucky, or stood on the backs of giants to get to where they are in life. All of these situations encourage cagey behavior because of the embarrassment and lack of honor associated with how people acquired their wealth. It is difficult for a trust fund baby to have an honest conversation about the value of working hard when they’ve only read about the foreign concept of hard work in boarding school classes.

This pretty much sums up most of the well heeled individuals on DCUM.
Anonymous
Post 05/27/2026 20:44     Subject: Why are rich people so cagey about money?
Anonymous wrote:Most of us who are having one cent more than our neighbors and peers are targets. I grew up in a lcol area in the South and when I was in college some acquaintances assumed I had money. I have no idea why, my father died when I was a teen and my mom was a homemaker. I had significant financial aid to go to college. Random bums from high school would find out where I lived an show up at my dorm or apartment expecting me to feed them or pay for abortions or just give them money. This is the crab bucket some of us experienced.

As an adult I've had friends who are terrible with money. I live below my means. When those friends realize I save money, it makes them mad. I'd had one good friend who kept bugging me about how much my car payment was. No one I know where I live at my age has a car payment. We all live in 1m+ homes and pay cash for cars. I avoided answering any questions about it for months and she confronted my dh and I and he was stunned she didn't realize most people pay cash for cars. It changed our relationship.


You did not grow up in the South.
Anonymous
Post 05/27/2026 17:12     Subject: Why are rich people so cagey about money?
Anonymous wrote:Most of us who are having one cent more than our neighbors and peers are targets. I grew up in a lcol area in the South and when I was in college some acquaintances assumed I had money. I have no idea why, my father died when I was a teen and my mom was a homemaker. I had significant financial aid to go to college. Random bums from high school would find out where I lived an show up at my dorm or apartment expecting me to feed them or pay for abortions or just give them money. This is the crab bucket some of us experienced.

As an adult I've had friends who are terrible with money. I live below my means. When those friends realize I save money, it makes them mad. I'd had one good friend who kept bugging me about how much my car payment was. No one I know where I live at my age has a car payment. We all live in 1m+ homes and pay cash for cars. I avoided answering any questions about it for months and she confronted my dh and I and he was stunned she didn't realize most people pay cash for cars. It changed our relationship.


Something like 80% of new cars are financed. We pay cash for cars, but I know other wealthy people who finance, then pay off quickly when they can get a better deal from the dealer that way. The majority of used cars are paid for with cash, however.
Anonymous
Post 05/27/2026 17:12     Subject: Why are rich people so cagey about money?
Anonymous wrote:Most of us who are having one cent more than our neighbors and peers are targets. I grew up in a lcol area in the South and when I was in college some acquaintances assumed I had money. I have no idea why, my father died when I was a teen and my mom was a homemaker. I had significant financial aid to go to college. Random bums from high school would find out where I lived an show up at my dorm or apartment expecting me to feed them or pay for abortions or just give them money. This is the crab bucket some of us experienced.

As an adult I've had friends who are terrible with money. I live below my means. When those friends realize I save money, it makes them mad. I'd had one good friend who kept bugging me about how much my car payment was. No one I know where I live at my age has a car payment. We all live in 1m+ homes and pay cash for cars. I avoided answering any questions about it for months and she confronted my dh and I and he was stunned she didn't realize most people pay cash for cars. It changed our relationship.


The vast majority of Americans finance their vehicle purchases, PP.

But do go on about how superior you are compared to the plebes of your hillbilly town.

Anonymous
Post 05/27/2026 17:05     Subject: Why are rich people so cagey about money?
Anonymous wrote:They pretend to be poor; nickel and dime everyone "did you send me your half of lunch via venmo?" In my experience, the richer someone is...the more "pretend poor" they are!

Can you explain this phenomenon?


By adulthood, those of us who have saved a few pennies are experts at detecting entitled bums who think they deserve the good life of champagne and caviar just because.
Anonymous
Post 05/27/2026 17:02     Subject: Why are rich people so cagey about money?
Most of us who are having one cent more than our neighbors and peers are targets. I grew up in a lcol area in the South and when I was in college some acquaintances assumed I had money. I have no idea why, my father died when I was a teen and my mom was a homemaker. I had significant financial aid to go to college. Random bums from high school would find out where I lived an show up at my dorm or apartment expecting me to feed them or pay for abortions or just give them money. This is the crab bucket some of us experienced.

As an adult I've had friends who are terrible with money. I live below my means. When those friends realize I save money, it makes them mad. I'd had one good friend who kept bugging me about how much my car payment was. No one I know where I live at my age has a car payment. We all live in 1m+ homes and pay cash for cars. I avoided answering any questions about it for months and she confronted my dh and I and he was stunned she didn't realize most people pay cash for cars. It changed our relationship.
Anonymous
Post 05/27/2026 16:51     Subject: Re:Why are rich people so cagey about money?
Most wealthy people I know are not cagey, they just don't talk about their wealth. Many wealthy people are pretty frugal because they didn't always have money.