Anonymous wrote:I am 40 with two early elementary school kids and I feel like every week is a whirlwind. I work in the office four days a week and my 30-40 min commute is now an hour plus each way thanks to no more federal telework (I am not a fed). All I do is work, whatever we have going on after school, and collapse into bed. I don't see my husband during week and feel like I am so burnt out from my job and commute that I am not as good of a mom as I can be. Is this just how it is? IDK how I am going to make it to retirement.

Can you go part time?

How many activities are your kids in? If you truly don't see your husband during the week except for before bed, it makes me wonder if there are too many activities.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am 40 with two early elementary school kids and I feel like every week is a whirlwind. I work in the office four days a week and my 30-40 min commute is now an hour plus each way thanks to no more federal telework (I am not a fed). All I do is work, whatever we have going on after school, and collapse into bed. I don't see my husband during week and feel like I am so burnt out from my job and commute that I am not as good of a mom as I can be. Is this just how it is? IDK how I am going to make it to retirement.

Isn't this the Feminist dream?

Genuine question - what motivates you to post this?

I am genuinely curious as to what should be expected? Assume OP's DH does 60%+ of the household chores, parenting, etc. which is what I want men to take up, do you think OP would be any less exhausted? It is humanely difficult to do all the things and not be burnt out.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How many of you work because you have to, as opposed to because you want to or think you should?

Don’t most people work because they have to, men and women?

Of course a lot of people may still work in some capacity even if they win the lotto, but the vast majority of people of either gender are primarily there to pay the bills.

No, actually, they don't. I'm quite sure that there are many families on DCUM where both parents don't have to work but choose to anyway. And I'm not just talking about women working. There are plenty of women on this website out earning their spouses. This is a rat race town. Many of you are absolutely 100 percent choosing to live the way you do. It's not out of economic necessity.

My work funds my botox and glp1. I do also save a lot of cash in my bank account as well.

Is part time an option? I took a pay cut but I would have burned out and quit otherwise.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How many of you work because you have to, as opposed to because you want to or think you should?

The older I get the more foolish I think it is to not have an income and to rely fully on someone else. It’s very easy to earn a living in an office job and no reason to give that up.

Then why are you on a "the working parent grind is so exhausting" thread then? If it's so "easy" for you, then this isn't your thread.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How many of you work because you have to, as opposed to because you want to or think you should?

Don’t most people work because they have to, men and women?

Of course a lot of people may still work in some capacity even if they win the lotto, but the vast majority of people of either gender are primarily there to pay the bills.

No, actually, they don't. I'm quite sure that there are many families on DCUM where both parents don't have to work but choose to anyway. And I'm not just talking about women working. There are plenty of women on this website out earning their spouses. This is a rat race town. Many of you are absolutely 100 percent choosing to live the way you do. It's not out of economic necessity.

Anonymous wrote:How many of you work because you have to, as opposed to because you want to or think you should?

The older I get the more foolish I think it is to not have an income and to rely fully on someone else. It’s very easy to earn a living in an office job and no reason to give that up.

Anonymous wrote:How many of you work because you have to, as opposed to because you want to or think you should?

Don’t most people work because they have to, men and women?

Of course a lot of people may still work in some capacity even if they win the lotto, but the vast majority of people of either gender are primarily there to pay the bills.

Anonymous wrote:How many of you work because you have to, as opposed to because you want to or think you should?

OP here. I mean, "have to" is relative. I recognize that life is full of choices and I am fortunate to have a partner who is able to bring home a decent salary. But we could not afford to live in the DC area on one of our incomes. I actually make more and carry the family's benefits, which pay for therapy and expensive meds for my one child with SN and other with a somewhat rare but thankfully managable medical condition. So, I guess we could move somewhere far less expensive and exist on less in theory, but in our current life, I need to work.

How many of you work because you have to, as opposed to because you want to or think you should?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am 40 with two early elementary school kids and I feel like every week is a whirlwind. I work in the office four days a week and my 30-40 min commute is now an hour plus each way thanks to no more federal telework (I am not a fed). All I do is work, whatever we have going on after school, and collapse into bed. I don't see my husband during week and feel like I am so burnt out from my job and commute that I am not as good of a mom as I can be. Is this just how it is? IDK how I am going to make it to retirement.

Isn't this the Feminist dream?

It’s better than earning $0, not being allowed to work and/or limited to certain jobs due to gender.

I hate to break it to you, but many young women are choosing careers over family for this reason. Women want the same thing you want.

Doesn't sound like much of a choice.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am 40 with two early elementary school kids and I feel like every week is a whirlwind. I work in the office four days a week and my 30-40 min commute is now an hour plus each way thanks to no more federal telework (I am not a fed). All I do is work, whatever we have going on after school, and collapse into bed. I don't see my husband during week and feel like I am so burnt out from my job and commute that I am not as good of a mom as I can be. Is this just how it is? IDK how I am going to make it to retirement.

Isn't this the Feminist dream?

Sure, if your understanding of feminism stopped in 1975. The dream was equal opportunity, not burning yourself out propping up systems that still expect women to do everything at home AND perform like they have a wife waiting for them at home with dinner and a martini.

Yes it really sucks and I’ll be honest I wouldn’t have had children if I had known.

I make it work by at least one day WFH, weekly cleaners, lots of family vacations and self care.

It’s truly depressing.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am 40 with two early elementary school kids and I feel like every week is a whirlwind. I work in the office four days a week and my 30-40 min commute is now an hour plus each way thanks to no more federal telework (I am not a fed). All I do is work, whatever we have going on after school, and collapse into bed. I don't see my husband during week and feel like I am so burnt out from my job and commute that I am not as good of a mom as I can be. Is this just how it is? IDK how I am going to make it to retirement.

Isn't this the Feminist dream?

It’s better than earning $0, not being allowed to work and/or limited to certain jobs due to gender.

I hate to break it to you, but many young women are choosing careers over family for this reason. Women want the same thing you want.