Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for this, and any other practical tips.

He just graduated last weekend. Arrived home yesterday. Already has plans to play basketball and golf with high school friends and a party this weekend. Making plans to get together with an out of town GF. This is what cannot continue. It's too much of the "just another summer" mindset.

He had a third interview for what sounds like a terrific opportunity on Monday, but is not feeling hopeful about the outcome.

We had these ideas:

Put him in charge of dinner for the family one night a week.
Expected to be up and out of bed (bed made) by 8:00 each weekday, working on job search.
If no real job offer by June 1 (mid June?), he finds an hourly job in retail, etc, working a minimum of 30 hours a week, to include weekends.

Other thoughts?

Dinner idea is good.

I don't think you need to set an exact time for when he wakes up (or if he makes his bed...that part if parenting is over). Job searches are different now. Not like he is going to be making phone calls.

Part time job is good...weekend or weekday is between him and employer.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't agree. I am speaking from the immigrant perspective who has been in 4 countries and not from the conventional American mindset. I think you need to have a deep conversation with him. He should have 3 months of grace period from getting a job.

This is a time for focussing on social connections (yes, he should party with friends, get together for golf, keep the connections alive and thriving), his network (college and HS friends, professors, mentors, PI, coaches, EC connections), his health and appearance (lose the pounds, clear the skin, get the dental checkups, up to date with vaccines, lose bad habits, therapy and career coaching if needed), and a close look at his resume, interview skills, linkedIn profile, next steps for career etc.

Do not be in a hurry to throw him in a menial job at Home-Depot or McDonalds. Because he will lose the momentum and circle that he gained in college when he transitions into doing a low-paying, low-skilled job. He will not feel good about himself and it will drain away his confidence.

It is really bad advice and a poverty mind-set that you need to get out of.

interesting take. not sure how i feel about this. anyone have any thoughts or input?

I don't agree with this. No one is above menial labor and it's important to have and keep social and working skills. I hire people in my job and I always respect those who are not too proud to work in any field. You also never know when those jobs will lead to other things. (for example, my nephew is into graphic design and he worked in a menial job and then they asked him to design their logo and that led to other things).

I have one kid in the working world and he did jobs for about a year that did not require his college degree, but it led to jobs and he is now doing a terrific job with good prospects in his field. My other son is still in college and working at a retail job that he will keep until he gets something in his field after college.

This is a hard job market and everyone needs to have the mindset to be creative and work. Plus, the high school kids are getting out of school soon - if your kid doesn't get a job soon, all the lower level jobs will be taken. Now's the time.

Anonymous wrote:I don't agree. I am speaking from the immigrant perspective who has been in 4 countries and not from the conventional American mindset. I think you need to have a deep conversation with him. He should have 3 months of grace period from getting a job.

This is a time for focussing on social connections (yes, he should party with friends, get together for golf, keep the connections alive and thriving), his network (college and HS friends, professors, mentors, PI, coaches, EC connections), his health and appearance (lose the pounds, clear the skin, get the dental checkups, up to date with vaccines, lose bad habits, therapy and career coaching if needed), and a close look at his resume, interview skills, linkedIn profile, next steps for career etc.

Do not be in a hurry to throw him in a menial job at Home-Depot or McDonalds. Because he will lose the momentum and circle that he gained in college when he transitions into doing a low-paying, low-skilled job. He will not feel good about himself and it will drain away his confidence.

It is really bad advice and a poverty mind-set that you need to get out of.

interesting take. not sure how i feel about this. anyone have any thoughts or input?

Tell your kid to follow current events and make sure he votes in upcoming elections. The economy has been tanked by this current administration, particularly the DC area economy.

Elections have major consequences for us all yet young people don’t vote at the levels they should.

He just graduated last weekend and he has been social with his friends for a week while applying to jobs to the point of getting to the third round and it’s still not good enough for OP? Let him enjoy his summer. Once the college and high school kids go back to school in August, he will be able to get their job to hold him over until he gets a job in his field.

Anonymous wrote:8am wake up is insane. I’m fine with 11am cutoff or even 10am for a college kid. But 8? Chill. My college age kids don’t even go to bed until 1-2am.

It’s ok, they will find a job.

I think OP's point, which you've apparently missed, is that this young adult is not a college kid anymore.

Agree that wake up/ bedtime habits more conducive to the work force need to start at this point. This is how one's mindset changes.

8am wake up is insane. I’m fine with 11am cutoff or even 10am for a college kid. But 8? Chill. My college age kids don’t even go to bed until 1-2am.

It’s ok, they will find a job.

Mr Graduate needs a job ASAP.

I’d give him a couple of weeks to relax, connect with friends, and then set a meeting and ask him for his plan, his timeline, and what he thinks is fair. Encourage networking and doing things to add to his resume like an online class or certification. together set a date for having to earn some income and contribute to his own expenses. Treat him like an adult and he is more likely to act like one.

My grad went to the mall for a job and unfortunately no one is hiring. So be prepared for that. Even easy jobs are hard to find right now.

Give him a break for few months at least. Restaurant jobs are going nowhere. We are constantly hiring and can't find workers even at $30-$40 an hour.

Couch surf in OC, Bethany or Rehoboth, and pick up several jobs at the beach. He should be able to pickup $15,000 or more over the next 4 months.

Anonymous wrote:DS just graduated with an expensive BS degree. Several good interviews but no offers. Younger sibling will be moving out this fall to go to college.

DS has been home and working past summers but this feels different because it is different.

What tips helped your family through this transition? Most important, at what point do we say “you have to get a job, any job, even if waiting tables?”

After 3-4 months.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for this, and any other practical tips.

He just graduated last weekend. Arrived home yesterday. Already has plans to play basketball and golf with high school friends and a party this weekend. Making plans to get together with an out of town GF. This is what cannot continue. It's too much of the "just another summer" mindset.

He had a third interview for what sounds like a terrific opportunity on Monday, but is not feeling hopeful about the outcome.

We had these ideas:

Put him in charge of dinner for the family one night a week.
Expected to be up and out of bed (bed made) by 8:00 each weekday, working on job search.
If no real job offer by June 1 (mid June?), he finds an hourly job in retail, etc, working a minimum of 30 hours a week, to include weekends.

Other thoughts?

You are being a little nuts here. It is ok for him to be social especially for the first few weeks he is home. It is normal.

Family dinner - OK.
Up at 8 AM - This is terrible. No, just no. He is an adult.
Deadline for a job offer - No.

He needs more autonomy and room to figure things out and mess up when it comes to job/career/etc. I would focus more on expectations for living together for the time being- picking up after himself, laundry, cooking, etc. You can't control his job search.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for this, and any other practical tips.

He just graduated last weekend. Arrived home yesterday. Already has plans to play basketball and golf with high school friends and a party this weekend. Making plans to get together with an out of town GF. This is what cannot continue. It's too much of the "just another summer" mindset.

He had a third interview for what sounds like a terrific opportunity on Monday, but is not feeling hopeful about the outcome.

We had these ideas:

Put him in charge of dinner for the family one night a week.
Expected to be up and out of bed (bed made) by 8:00 each weekday, working on job search.
If no real job offer by June 1 (mid June?), he finds an hourly job in retail, etc, working a minimum of 30 hours a week, to include weekends.

Other thoughts?

I wouldn’t force him to work on weekends if he’s getting hours during his job M-F. It seems overly punitive.

He should still have some time for fun. It’s not like he’s going to be working weekends when he gets his career job anyways.