Anonymous wrote:At our Big 3, students are high achieving and driven but not as toxic in the way you describe. Overt competition is looked down upon. More of a you do you vibe.

On the other hand, went to a quiz bowl competition at a top suburban school and couldn't believe when I saw it on full display. A huge turnoff to my kid who was also experiencing this for the first time.

What was going on during the quiz bowl competition?

And if you are describing GDS, I agree. DC is there and it is high achieving, driven and supportive but not toxic.

I will give this example. Two seniors applied to an Ivy plus school. One was deferred to RD, one was rejected. The rejected applicant was cheering when the deferred student was admitted in RD.

Anonymous wrote:I am half east Asian.

It's laughable how American parents in the DC region think that they have it tough in terms of academic expectations. This is nothing. Or, let's put it another way, it's a great work-life balance for kids. I am sure there are pockets of extreme pushy parenting in all the cosmopolitan hubs of the USA, but in general, I would not say the DC area as a whole is very pushy. I live in Bethesda, MD, in an area that has wealth, educated parents and good public schools, ie, all the ingredients for parents to be pushy if they want!

I consider myself a mildly Tigerish Parent in that I do push my kids to do their best academically, but my expectations are realistic. I have one child with special needs, and one who is gifted. They are both encouraged to work hard, but I praise the effort, not the achievements.

Me again. Adding that I pay for tutors, test prep, etc, and help my kids prioritize their education. I don't pay for private college counseling - I feel I can do a better job. So I am super involved and want my kids to reach their potential, whatever it is. But to me this is normal, and not a sign of the end times

Again, we are not living in a country where kids have no life, and go straight to private prep school after their legally-required day school, where they study until 11pm. We don't stress over our 10 year old's entrance exam to a prep school that will prepare them for the entrance exam to the real prep school, who prepares them for the end of high school/college exams. We don't live in a country that had to make a law that prep schools need to close at 11pm and that Kindergartners are not allowed to attend in the late evening.

And yet, people wonder why companies hire experts from these countries on work visas? They are more competent than Americans. They've gone through a wringer system unlike anything in the US.

If you think about the long-term direction of this country... you've got to put in the work somehow to stay competitive.

^ I picked kid up at school and they into tears as we drove home, nearly hyperventilating as they relayed what had just happened with that teacher. Kid had worked hard on that assignment and was crushed. I had to talk kid off the ledge. Wasn't the only example of teacher ass hattery there, either. Our other kid was severely bullied. We moved out of the area and our kids was so much happier and thrived with teachers who actually cared and had a heart.

I am half east Asian.

It's laughable how American parents in the DC region think that they have it tough in terms of academic expectations. This is nothing. Or, let's put it another way, it's a great work-life balance for kids. I am sure there are pockets of extreme pushy parenting in all the cosmopolitan hubs of the USA, but in general, I would not say the DC area as a whole is very pushy. I live in Bethesda, MD, in an area that has wealth, educated parents and good public schools, ie, all the ingredients for parents to be pushy if they want!

I consider myself a mildly Tigerish Parent in that I do push my kids to do their best academically, but my expectations are realistic. I have one child with special needs, and one who is gifted. They are both encouraged to work hard, but I praise the effort, not the achievements.

Oh, it was bad. Our stoic high school student (at the time) would break down and cry some nights. One time, kid ran across the school at dismissal to turn in an assignment that was due by the end of that school day. Kid went up to the teacher to hand in the assignment and was told they were 15 seconds late turning it in, so they would receive only half credit to start with deductions from that for any errors. That's the schools there. That's how they treat the students. It cruelty just to be cruel. No give in the system. Sociopathic teaching.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At our Big 3, students are high achieving and driven but not as toxic in the way you describe. Overt competition is looked down upon. More of a you do you vibe.

On the other hand, went to a quiz bowl competition at a top suburban school and couldn't believe when I saw it on full display. A huge turnoff to my kid who was also experiencing this for the first time.

Either you don’t have kids at a big 3 school, or you must be living in an alternate world.

I've experienced this in both settings. This was also my experience. The "top publics" have an absolute cutthroat viscious striver culture that is far more imbalanced than privates for the tippy top kids. Do individual differences occur? Sure. But culturally, if your kid is at a top public and wants to apply to top colleges, 9/10 times they are working like dogs and it is not healthy.

Anonymous wrote:At our Big 3, students are high achieving and driven but not as toxic in the way you describe. Overt competition is looked down upon. More of a you do you vibe.

On the other hand, went to a quiz bowl competition at a top suburban school and couldn't believe when I saw it on full display. A huge turnoff to my kid who was also experiencing this for the first time.

GDS?

Anonymous wrote:At our Big 3, students are high achieving and driven but not as toxic in the way you describe. Overt competition is looked down upon. More of a you do you vibe.

On the other hand, went to a quiz bowl competition at a top suburban school and couldn't believe when I saw it on full display. A huge turnoff to my kid who was also experiencing this for the first time.

Either you don’t have kids at a big 3 school, or you must be living in an alternate world.

Or maybe it wasn't the Atlantic.

https://www.washingtonpost.com/dc-md-va/2023/08/18/dc-northwest-little-league-cheating-allegations/

https://www.wsj.com/us-news/little-league-scandal-roils-washington-d-c-elite-e50873d1

It's intense here. Upper NW DC is one of the most highly educated areas in the country with a disproportionate number of parents with degrees from top universities. That translates into intense pressure. People are driven. All you have to do is read the Atlantic story about little league baseball to get a sense of the overall culture here.

Anonymous wrote:Yes DMV parents will try by throwing money at the problem but that's not really parenting. SF/NY parents are tutoring after the tutors. They run the sports drill after the private coaches. The kids go to special tennis and golf boarding schools. They're another level.

I know parents here that do that as well, we must know a different circle...

At our Big 3, students are high achieving and driven but not as toxic in the way you describe. Overt competition is looked down upon. More of a you do you vibe.

On the other hand, went to a quiz bowl competition at a top suburban school and couldn't believe when I saw it on full display. A huge turnoff to my kid who was also experiencing this for the first time.

Yes DMV parents will try by throwing money at the problem but that's not really parenting. SF/NY parents are tutoring after the tutors. They run the sports drill after the private coaches. The kids go to special tennis and golf boarding schools. They're another level.

I finished HS at a mediocre semi-rural public school in Texas that lacked high expectations for academic achievement. Nonetheless, there were plenty of problems amongst the students.

Anxiety, pressure, & stress are part and parcel of adolescence whether in the DMV or middle of nowhere. Your children might as well develop to their full potential. That said, I do think that savvy parents can look for a school that’s the right fit for their particular child and be mindful of how they are doing.

Not sure why this is in private school but yes, for the high achievers it's awful. We are in a top public and it is a rat rate. I feel like the privates are better because they emphasize APs less, overall.