Anonymous
05/19/2026 10:16
Subject: U Little boy who is a standout in practice but does nothing in games (literally, sometimes).
Instead of waiting for high school games watch older club teams play in tournaments over the summer.
Anonymous
05/19/2026 09:53
Subject: U Little boy who is a standout in practice but does nothing in games (literally, sometimes).
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Sounds like a kid who doesn’t watch soccer with his family at home and hasn’t watched soccer games in person.
Not on TV, no. And his older brother doesn’t play soccer. But maybe we can watch some high school games this fall that’s not a bad idea!
This, OP. Go with some friends from the team. And keep an eye out for ADHD and Anxiety. It scan sneak up on kids. When it does, it's corrosive.
Thanks. Yes older boy has both. Presents very differently - the nonstop talking and nonstop motion variety- but it’s interesting to hear some of this could be how adhd or anxiety might present in a sporty kid who is great in practices but shuts down in games. I’ll definitely keep an eye out.
Anonymous
05/19/2026 09:23
Subject: U Little boy who is a standout in practice but does nothing in games (literally, sometimes).
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Sounds like a kid who doesn’t watch soccer with his family at home and hasn’t watched soccer games in person.
Not on TV, no. And his older brother doesn’t play soccer. But maybe we can watch some high school games this fall that’s not a bad idea!
This, OP. Go with some friends from the team. And keep an eye out for ADHD and Anxiety. It scan sneak up on kids. When it does, it's corrosive.
Anonymous
05/19/2026 09:10
Subject: Re:U Little boy who is a standout in practice but does nothing in games (literally, sometimes).
Anonymous wrote:Just asking these questions means you’re on the right track.
It will be incredibly difficult to not force him to be aggressive or doing what another kid does. Resist that. And feel free to find him a travel team if he loves it. Close to home is good, because nobody needs to be in the car for hours at that age. And friends on the team is a bonus. My DC has ADHD and for years spent the first half observing and less involved. But he often finished the game on fire. He’s at the top for his HS age group and it still happens to a degree. Coaches now love it because he’s on at the end of the game, and it’s now simply part of how he plays. And yet, I still remember years of frustration as the pack of kids (and the run of play) went past him one way, then past him the other. But he kept watching, kept playing l, kept loving it and now his friends want to play like him.
Thing is, you’ll want a coach who has patience for a non-aggressive skilled kid. And you, as a parent have to understand that most of his growth is going to come from practice where he is more dynamic and that he might sit more during games. You’re not just paying for game time- it’s the whole experience. This is important because if he’s watching he might not play much to start. Your son will be ready when he’s ready. And one day he may surprise you how good he is.
Thanks! Yes the club team practices are a 5min drive, sheer luck, and all games are within an hours drive. It’s so interesting that a couple people have mentioned adhd because my older child and husband both have adhd but more the hyperactive kind. Maybe he has the inattentive kind? Something to keep an eye on I guess!
I do notice that if he makes a great play and scores, he is WAY more active and aggressive for the rest of the game. Which makes me wonder if part of the hanging back and watching is lack of confidence and lack of knowing what to do. But I do know he’s so little. I’ll let him keep watching half the game and keep my mouth shut since he’s still having fun !
Anonymous
05/18/2026 22:12
Subject: Re:U Little boy who is a standout in practice but does nothing in games (literally, sometimes).
Just asking these questions means you’re on the right track.
It will be incredibly difficult to not force him to be aggressive or doing what another kid does. Resist that. And feel free to find him a travel team if he loves it. Close to home is good, because nobody needs to be in the car for hours at that age. And friends on the team is a bonus. My DC has ADHD and for years spent the first half observing and less involved. But he often finished the game on fire. He’s at the top for his HS age group and it still happens to a degree. Coaches now love it because he’s on at the end of the game, and it’s now simply part of how he plays. And yet, I still remember years of frustration as the pack of kids (and the run of play) went past him one way, then past him the other. But he kept watching, kept playing l, kept loving it and now his friends want to play like him.
Thing is, you’ll want a coach who has patience for a non-aggressive skilled kid. And you, as a parent have to understand that most of his growth is going to come from practice where he is more dynamic and that he might sit more during games. You’re not just paying for game time- it’s the whole experience. This is important because if he’s watching he might not play much to start. Your son will be ready when he’s ready. And one day he may surprise you how good he is.
It will be incredibly difficult to not force him to be aggressive or doing what another kid does. Resist that. And feel free to find him a travel team if he loves it. Close to home is good, because nobody needs to be in the car for hours at that age. And friends on the team is a bonus. My DC has ADHD and for years spent the first half observing and less involved. But he often finished the game on fire. He’s at the top for his HS age group and it still happens to a degree. Coaches now love it because he’s on at the end of the game, and it’s now simply part of how he plays. And yet, I still remember years of frustration as the pack of kids (and the run of play) went past him one way, then past him the other. But he kept watching, kept playing l, kept loving it and now his friends want to play like him.
Thing is, you’ll want a coach who has patience for a non-aggressive skilled kid. And you, as a parent have to understand that most of his growth is going to come from practice where he is more dynamic and that he might sit more during games. You’re not just paying for game time- it’s the whole experience. This is important because if he’s watching he might not play much to start. Your son will be ready when he’s ready. And one day he may surprise you how good he is.
Anonymous
05/18/2026 15:29
Subject: Re:U Little boy who is a standout in practice but does nothing in games (literally, sometimes).
Ugh, reposting for formatting
Thanks. I do think he needs the right level. If the kids are a little younger or less skilled and bunch up around the ball, he seems lost and doesn’t know what to do unless he can truly just outrun them all or plow through them all (he can do that against 2-3 kids but not against 8). But I do worry at the top team he made , he’ll lose confidence and not try much in games he knows someone else on his team can do it better. (He’s one of the few who actually tries to pass or backs off and lets his teammate run with it if the teammate wins the ball). I think I’m just stressed because he loves it so much and I hate to see him lose his love of it just because I don’t know what sort of team is best for him or what he needs from a coach to improve (and he WANTS to improve, ALWAYS. He dribbles a ball around the house and yard nonstop. But none of us in the family play soccer so I can’t even play against him in the yard and let him learn from me- he is better than me!)
Thanks. I do think he needs the right level. If the kids are a little younger or less skilled and bunch up around the ball, he seems lost and doesn’t know what to do unless he can truly just outrun them all or plow through them all (he can do that against 2-3 kids but not against 8). But I do worry at the top team he made , he’ll lose confidence and not try much in games he knows someone else on his team can do it better. (He’s one of the few who actually tries to pass or backs off and lets his teammate run with it if the teammate wins the ball). I think I’m just stressed because he loves it so much and I hate to see him lose his love of it just because I don’t know what sort of team is best for him or what he needs from a coach to improve (and he WANTS to improve, ALWAYS. He dribbles a ball around the house and yard nonstop. But none of us in the family play soccer so I can’t even play against him in the yard and let him learn from me- he is better than me!)
Anonymous
05/18/2026 15:28
Subject: U Little boy who is a standout in practice but does nothing in games (literally, sometimes).
Anonymous wrote:Hi OP! I hope this will be helpful. He is really really young and on a rec team probably not getting the best coaching. When he gets to the club team, you’ll be better able to evaluate how he responds to instruction and how coachable he is. It sounds like the club coach saw essential skills and felt that he could teach him the game. This is good news.
My DS went through a lack of confidence when he moved from rec to u9 travel. Like your son he made the top team. The coach told us he liked what he saw because he wasn’t a ball hog and made good passes. When the fall games started, the coach moved him to the 2nd team (of 3). I was a little concerned but my son didn’t mind. The coach approached me (I never asked) to reassure me that it would be better for his development and that he was a player he hoped would never quit. He just wanted him to gain confidence. Eventually my son was able to share that he was really afraid to get a card so the coach would pull him out, give him feedback about being more aggressive and put him back in. He was awesome! He never made the kids scared to take risks. The next year’s coach wanted players who were already developed even though the kids were terribly young still. So we learned that to maximize his potential, we needed to find coaches who were a match for his personality. He was recruited to play D3 and now coaches. He has a team of kids your son’s age and he doesn’t judge talent based on goals scored. [/quote
Thanks. I do think he needs the right level. If the kids are a little younger or less skilled and bunch up around the ball, he seems lost and doesn’t know what to do unless he can truly just outrun them all or plow through them all (he can do that against 2-3 kids but not against 8). But I do worry at the top team he made , he’ll lose confidence and not try much in games he knows someone else on his team can do it better. (He’s one of the few who actually tries to pass or backs off and lets his teammate run with it if the teammate wins the ball). I think I’m just stressed because he loves it so much and I hate to see him lose his love of it just because I don’t know what sort of team is best for him or what he needs from a coach to improve (and he WANTS to improve, ALWAYS. He dribbles a ball around the house and yard nonstop. But none of us in the family play soccer so I can’t even play against him in the yard and let him learn from me- he is better than me!)
Anonymous
05/18/2026 14:59
Subject: U Little boy who is a standout in practice but does nothing in games (literally, sometimes).
Hi OP! I hope this will be helpful. He is really really young and on a rec team probably not getting the best coaching. When he gets to the club team, you’ll be better able to evaluate how he responds to instruction and how coachable he is. It sounds like the club coach saw essential skills and felt that he could teach him the game. This is good news.
My DS went through a lack of confidence when he moved from rec to u9 travel. Like your son he made the top team. The coach told us he liked what he saw because he wasn’t a ball hog and made good passes. When the fall games started, the coach moved him to the 2nd team (of 3). I was a little concerned but my son didn’t mind. The coach approached me (I never asked) to reassure me that it would be better for his development and that he was a player he hoped would never quit. He just wanted him to gain confidence. Eventually my son was able to share that he was really afraid to get a card so the coach would pull him out, give him feedback about being more aggressive and put him back in. He was awesome! He never made the kids scared to take risks. The next year’s coach wanted players who were already developed even though the kids were terribly young still. So we learned that to maximize his potential, we needed to find coaches who were a match for his personality. He was recruited to play D3 and now coaches. He has a team of kids your son’s age and he doesn’t judge talent based on goals scored.
My DS went through a lack of confidence when he moved from rec to u9 travel. Like your son he made the top team. The coach told us he liked what he saw because he wasn’t a ball hog and made good passes. When the fall games started, the coach moved him to the 2nd team (of 3). I was a little concerned but my son didn’t mind. The coach approached me (I never asked) to reassure me that it would be better for his development and that he was a player he hoped would never quit. He just wanted him to gain confidence. Eventually my son was able to share that he was really afraid to get a card so the coach would pull him out, give him feedback about being more aggressive and put him back in. He was awesome! He never made the kids scared to take risks. The next year’s coach wanted players who were already developed even though the kids were terribly young still. So we learned that to maximize his potential, we needed to find coaches who were a match for his personality. He was recruited to play D3 and now coaches. He has a team of kids your son’s age and he doesn’t judge talent based on goals scored.
Anonymous
05/18/2026 14:52
Subject: U Little boy who is a standout in practice but does nothing in games (literally, sometimes).
Anonymous wrote:U8?
I literally put my phone down and did not finish reading the rest. For the sake of your kid, review Kyle Wilson’s Youth Playbook on YouTube, put/keep him in rec and allow him to mature naturally without needing a specific result in a game.
My kid was not even playing at U8 and is now one of the best players in the area because he has fun and we really don’t give a 💩 whether he plays well or poorly, wins or losses.
Not trying to attack this, as many people are indeed overly insane at super young ages. But I'd love it if this were more true than it is - I think you're thinking about what's best for a kid with known high-level future athletic ability which will manifest over time. A borderline kid is highly dependent on how his/her early path plays out. It's unfortunate, but this kid could could easily lose confidence, settle into being a ball-watcher at 9 years old, try out for travel, get put on a second/third team, and then fight to move up for the next 4-5 years while figuring it out. He won't think of himself as "a good player." I'm not saying to crack the whip on a 6-7 year old, as of course he needs to enjoy it or his soccer days will end right away, but it's not pointless to give some guidance to kids this young. At minimum, mom or dad can watch games with him, go in the yard an playfully bump into each other and play keep away from each other, find a place in the house to put a small goal, place balls around the house to randomly dribble. Building some confidence outside games will make it more enjoyable and make it more likely he'll want to contribute in games. Keep it fun, but kids' soccer careers are on the clock from ridiculously early ages in our stupid youth soccer system. It's very, very hard to be a late developer the way the system is set up.
Anonymous
05/18/2026 14:39
Subject: U Little boy who is a standout in practice but does nothing in games (literally, sometimes).
Anonymous wrote:U8?
I literally put my phone down and did not finish reading the rest. For the sake of your kid, review Kyle Wilson’s Youth Playbook on YouTube, put/keep him in rec and allow him to mature naturally without needing a specific result in a game.
My kid was not even playing at U8 and is now one of the best players in the area because he has fun and we really don’t give a 💩 whether he plays well or poorly, wins or losses.
If you hadn’t put down the phone and had actually read the rest of the post and my responses you would see that your smug response is not necessary. I’m very clearly just trying to help him have fun. And id love to leave him in rec but the other players in rec past u8 make the game less fun for him, not more fun, based on his frustration on rec this spring with 8’kids bunched around the ball and his own teammates kicking the ball out from under him. I have many other things I could say but it’s not worth it. I’m glad your son is having fun at soccer- that’s literally my only goal here too.
Anonymous
05/18/2026 14:30
Subject: U Little boy who is a standout in practice but does nothing in games (literally, sometimes).
Not showing off. Not falling behind.
Anonymous
05/18/2026 14:29
Subject: U Little boy who is a standout in practice but does nothing in games (literally, sometimes).
U8?
I literally put my phone down and did not finish reading the rest. For the sake of your kid, review Kyle Wilson’s Youth Playbook on YouTube, put/keep him in rec and allow him to mature naturally without needing a specific result in a game.
My kid was not even playing at U8 and is now one of the best players in the area because he has fun and we really don’t give a 💩 whether he plays well or poorly, wins or losses.
I literally put my phone down and did not finish reading the rest. For the sake of your kid, review Kyle Wilson’s Youth Playbook on YouTube, put/keep him in rec and allow him to mature naturally without needing a specific result in a game.
My kid was not even playing at U8 and is now one of the best players in the area because he has fun and we really don’t give a 💩 whether he plays well or poorly, wins or losses.
Anonymous
05/18/2026 14:25
Subject: U Little boy who is a standout in practice but does nothing in games (literally, sometimes).
Oh to add- I keep saying U8 to keep it simple but he just turned 7 this week so all of his previous and current rec teams have been for ages 6 and under (current team is for 2019/2020 birthdays so includes a few 7 year olds). I think it also might help him to play with 7/8 year olds this fall who can hopefully spread out a little more and make it more like a real game.