Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, my wife is the same. Not just to me, but with the kids as well. We've all learnt to walk on eggshells. But similar to your husband, when she says something, we are supposed to accept it and move on.

OP here. I’m sorry. My husband acts like this in public too, in front of our friends and family. There was one episode I swore to myself I was going to divorce him over, it was so humiliating and isolating. But again, the logistics with our SN child are just too much.

I wish life didn’t have to be like this. I’m confused why he does it too. It’s not like he comes from a dysfunctional family either.

I am having trouble imagining a situation where him STFU and sulking in public could be a humiliating experience, but I wasn’t there and don’t understand the events that transpired.

Does he do it because he is naturally emotional and learned that he needs to process by himself to avoid unnecessary fights or is he attempting to manipulate others by taking his ball and going home?

You can’t imagine that at a dinner party, a person refusing to answer or giving one word answers to everyone for the night would be very embarrassing?

This is stonewalling and its abuse. How do you respect someone who abuses you?

I don't think this relationship is serving you. Think about ending it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Being transparent..

I've done this before. Sometimes my silence is just the time I need to process and move on.

Therapy assisted greatly. Essentially it's harder to get over and move on from things ..

I'm working on it.. All I got DCUM

Do better than I'm working on it and if you are doing this to your children in any capacity, you're a bad person. Sort your crap out.

Not PP, but he acknowledged a personal issue explained that he went to therapy, achieved noticeable improvement and acknowledged that he is an imperfect man in a single post and you kicked him. Are a general lack of appreciation, compassion and forgiveness things you always bring to the table or are those saved up for DCUM?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, my wife is the same. Not just to me, but with the kids as well. We've all learnt to walk on eggshells. But similar to your husband, when she says something, we are supposed to accept it and move on.

OP here. I’m sorry. My husband acts like this in public too, in front of our friends and family. There was one episode I swore to myself I was going to divorce him over, it was so humiliating and isolating. But again, the logistics with our SN child are just too much.

I wish life didn’t have to be like this. I’m confused why he does it too. It’s not like he comes from a dysfunctional family either.

I am having trouble imagining a situation where him STFU and sulking in public could be a humiliating experience, but I wasn’t there and don’t understand the events that transpired.

Does he do it because he is naturally emotional and learned that he needs to process by himself to avoid unnecessary fights or is he attempting to manipulate others by taking his ball and going home?

Anonymous wrote:How frequently does he have theses pouting episodes? And, what kinds of things set him off?

I’d say they’re probably twice a month. Most recently, he got upset when I told him I wasn’t feeling well and may have picked up the cold he just recovered from. He told me I needed to start taking emergen-C right away, to which I replied I don’t think that’s going to cure it, you have to be taking it as prevention to boost your immune system. His face immediately dropped and I asked him what was wrong. He told me that I was making him feel like it’s all his fault, that he doesn’t know how to be around me, and that he needs time to decompress. I checked in with him later that night and he said he was still upset. So now we’re not speaking.

How frequently does he have theses pouting episodes? And, what kinds of things set him off?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Being transparent..

I've done this before. Sometimes my silence is just the time I need to process and move on.

Therapy assisted greatly. Essentially it's harder to get over and move on from things ..

I'm working on it.. All I got DCUM

As long as you’re honest with them. “I’m not silent to hurt you; I’m still processing. I love you and I’m just working through my feelings.”

Otherwise you’re using your silence as a weapon.

I'm very honest about it .. Appreicate your thoughtful response too.

I think this type of handling is okay if the "processing" and refusal to interact is a couple hours. If it goes on for multiple days as OP is describing, it doesn't really matter if you were honest about it 3 days ago.

OP here. Yes, he will let me know right away he’s upset and I know he’s processing. But it goes on day after day. If it’s a few hours, totally reasonable.

I honestly am so much happier when he’s not around. I don’t want to be near him. I just want peace.

If this is so bad, why don't you leave him?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Being transparent..

I've done this before. Sometimes my silence is just the time I need to process and move on.

Therapy assisted greatly. Essentially it's harder to get over and move on from things ..

I'm working on it.. All I got DCUM

As long as you’re honest with them. “I’m not silent to hurt you; I’m still processing. I love you and I’m just working through my feelings.”

Otherwise you’re using your silence as a weapon.

I'm very honest about it .. Appreicate your thoughtful response too.

I think this type of handling is okay if the "processing" and refusal to interact is a couple hours. If it goes on for multiple days as OP is describing, it doesn't really matter if you were honest about it 3 days ago.

OP here. Yes, he will let me know right away he’s upset and I know he’s processing. But it goes on day after day. If it’s a few hours, totally reasonable.

I honestly am so much happier when he’s not around. I don’t want to be near him. I just want peace.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Being transparent..

I've done this before. Sometimes my silence is just the time I need to process and move on.

Therapy assisted greatly. Essentially it's harder to get over and move on from things ..

I'm working on it.. All I got DCUM

As long as you’re honest with them. “I’m not silent to hurt you; I’m still processing. I love you and I’m just working through my feelings.”

Otherwise you’re using your silence as a weapon.

I'm very honest about it .. Appreicate your thoughtful response too.

I think this type of handling is okay if the "processing" and refusal to interact is a couple hours. If it goes on for multiple days as OP is describing, it doesn't really matter if you were honest about it 3 days ago.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Being transparent..

I've done this before. Sometimes my silence is just the time I need to process and move on.

Therapy assisted greatly. Essentially it's harder to get over and move on from things ..

I'm working on it.. All I got DCUM

As long as you’re honest with them. “I’m not silent to hurt you; I’m still processing. I love you and I’m just working through my feelings.”

Otherwise you’re using your silence as a weapon.

I'm very honest about it .. Appreicate your thoughtful response too.

Anonymous wrote:Pretend he’s not there when he does this. He sounds depressed.

Some of you have probably not been on the other side of a relationship with a person like this. I don't think it's depression.

Step 1: Beg and plead and cajole and keep trying to get the person to talk to you. Try to "fix it".

Most sane people stop doing this after a while.

Step 2: Pretend you don't care/don't notice the person is giving you the silent treatment but feel bad about it and uncomfortable in what is supposed to be safe space in your life.

This can last a long time and feels bad.

And then the blessed Step 3: You don't have to pretend anymore. You actually do not care. You stop thinking about the person at all and forget about them for long stretches of time until they appear for some reason. Oh you again. They have zero emotional space in your brain.

Anonymous wrote:
Being transparent..

I've done this before. Sometimes my silence is just the time I need to process and move on.

Therapy assisted greatly. Essentially it's harder to get over and move on from things ..

I'm working on it.. All I got DCUM

As long as you’re honest with them. “I’m not silent to hurt you; I’m still processing. I love you and I’m just working through my feelings.”

Otherwise you’re using your silence as a weapon.

Pretend he’s not there when he does this. He sounds depressed.

Anonymous wrote:
Being transparent..

I've done this before. Sometimes my silence is just the time I need to process and move on.

Therapy assisted greatly. Essentially it's harder to get over and move on from things ..

I'm working on it.. All I got DCUM

Do better than I'm working on it and if you are doing this to your children in any capacity, you're a bad person. Sort your crap out.

Being transparent..

I've done this before. Sometimes my silence is just the time I need to process and move on.

Therapy assisted greatly. Essentially it's harder to get over and move on from things ..

I'm working on it.. All I got DCUM