Anonymous wrote:Something like this happened to me. My friends all got into the top, top schools and I did not. I was not at all excited about the well-regarded but not tip-top college I was going to. We were all at a top high school and had been working towards getting into the top schools without really knowing why. I headed to college with a pretty crappy mindset about the place, with my terrible high school boyfriend two hours away, and spent most of the first six months focused on visiting him and not making any friends. I didn't join anything, didn't exercise, didn't really do anything, and my grades sucked. In hindsight, I was depressed, but did not understand it. I ended up breaking up with the boyfriend second semester, dealing with the end of that relationship, the depression, and the lack of friends by making a string of awful sexual decisions over the next few months that everyone seemed to find out about and that followed me for the rest of college, and having what was probably a breakdown at the end of the year, which I had to handle myself because my parents don't really believe in mental health things. I spent the summer before sophomore year reading mental health books at Barnes & Noble and pulling myself together, then I went to the campus mental health center when I got back in the fall.

You're already miles in front of where my parents were at this point because you're at least thinking about this. What would have helped me would have been someone to talk to about accepting the school and pivoting to making the best of it. Going in with a crappy attitude and not trying to become part of a community was killer for me. This is a life lesson that will carry through to jobs, etc. You have to become a part of a community, even one you don't love. I also would have benefited from some help learning about how to transfer schools, so at least I would have had some goals and some idea of the steps, and perhaps I would have understood that if I wanted to get out of there, I needed to ace my classes and not skate through. I just had no support for this and totally flailed, so had no chance to transfer out of there. This also hurt me when I applied to grad schools later on.

I will say that as horrible as this experience was, it was a massive learning experience for me, and I'm not sure I would be the person I am today without it. But honestly, it was brutal, and I'd take the risk that some help would have made be a bit less thick skinned and resilient than I am now.

Anonymous wrote:Something like this happened to me. My friends all got into the top, top schools and I did not. I was not at all excited about the well-regarded but not tip-top college I was going to. We were all at a top high school and had been working towards getting into the top schools without really knowing why. I headed to college with a pretty crappy mindset about the place, with my terrible high school boyfriend two hours away, and spent most of the first six months focused on visiting him and not making any friends. I didn't join anything, didn't exercise, didn't really do anything, and my grades sucked. In hindsight, I was depressed, but did not understand it. I ended up breaking up with the boyfriend second semester, dealing with the end of that relationship, the depression, and the lack of friends by making a string of awful sexual decisions over the next few months that everyone seemed to find out about and that followed me for the rest of college, and having what was probably a breakdown at the end of the year, which I had to handle myself because my parents don't really believe in mental health things. I spent the summer before sophomore year reading mental health books at Barnes & Noble and pulling myself together, then I went to the campus mental health center when I got back in the fall.

You're already miles in front of where my parents were at this point because you're at least thinking about this. What would have helped me would have been someone to talk to about accepting the school and pivoting to making the best of it. Going in with a crappy attitude and not trying to become part of a community was killer for me. This is a life lesson that will carry through to jobs, etc. You have to become a part of a community, even one you don't love. I also would have benefited from some help learning about how to transfer schools, so at least I would have had some goals and some idea of the steps, and perhaps I would have understood that if I wanted to get out of there, I needed to ace my classes and not skate through. I just had no support for this and totally flailed, so had no chance to transfer out of there. This also hurt me when I applied to grad schools later on.

I will say that as horrible as this experience was, it was a massive learning experience for me, and I'm not sure I would be the person I am today without it. But honestly, it was brutal, and I'd take the risk that some help would have made be a bit less thick skinned and resilient than I am now.

Anonymous wrote:I'd just keep an eye on them. I have an older sibling who didn't get into their top choice (though they were at a top ten) and had a bit of a breakdown and ended up hospitalized in fall of freshman year after a self harm attempt. With medication and therapy she adjusted and graduated just fine from the school she did go to. But it was the first strong manifestation of her bipolar disorder. She's gone on to have a full successful career and life, but it’s just always going to be a factor.

Now I want to strongly emphasize that what my sibling has is rare and the vast majority of kids who are a bit bummed will be totally fine. But just keep an eye on your kids and keep talking and if you feel like something is off, get help.

Anonymous wrote:“Hey kid. Buck up and quit whining.”

There is your support, OP