Anonymous wrote:My dating partner lives like 1+ hrs away from Northern Virginia and has her own apartment. She is legally separated from her ex but also goes to his house during the weekday to take care of dogs. He works out of town and only comes during the weekends when she goes to her apartment. This arrangement seems weird to me and Exs shouldn't be going to each other's house in or behind their presence. I asked her and she responded with a reason to take care of dogs. She is 44 and have two adult daughters in college.

I feel like you would never move on if you are in each other's lives this much.

"This arrangement seems weird to me."

Don't date people you think do "weird" things because it's a dead end. You must be desperate, right?

Anonymous wrote:What job takes a man out of town every weekday, every week, and only back home on the weekends All The Time? I’m calling BS on that set up at least. Even truckers, oil riggers, coal miners don’t live like that.

On another note, she’s entangled with and still married to her husband. Your instinct to balk is corrext. He, the kids, and the dogs will always come before you and rightfully so.

I think she is playing them both and probably have a lot of shame about it. Looks like she is the one with low self esteem and can't make a decision or commitment towards the new partner and want best of both worlds. Staying at your exs house after you're legally separated and having your own apartment is disgusting. You do have a choice, OP. I know I wouldn't entertain someone low-class like this.

Anonymous wrote:She is the dog-walker. She is not hooking up with ex. She also won't be hooking up with you soon, because of her age.
Have fun until she loses all need for it.

what do you mean all need for it? You mean because of perimenopause and medical reasons?

She's trash

What job takes a man out of town every weekday, every week, and only back home on the weekends All The Time? I’m calling BS on that set up at least. Even truckers, oil riggers, coal miners don’t live like that.

On another note, she’s entangled with and still married to her husband. Your instinct to balk is corrext. He, the kids, and the dogs will always come before you and rightfully so.

Anonymous wrote:My dating partner lives like 1+ hrs away from Northern Virginia and has her own apartment. She is legally separated from her ex but also goes to his house during the weekday to take care of dogs. He works out of town and only comes during the weekends when she goes to her apartment. This arrangement seems weird to me and Exs shouldn't be going to each other's house in or behind their presence. I asked her and she responded with a reason to take care of dogs. She is 44 and have two adult daughters in college.

I feel like you would never move on if you are in each other's lives this much.

They have two kids together - they will be in each other's lives forever. If you don't like that idea, then date someone else. This is her arrangement and it works for her. It doesn't have to work for you - you are free to not date her. But you, as the new guy on the scene, don't get to dictate what she does.

When I was dating before I got married I refused to date people with children, not because I think there's anything wrong with them, but because I knew that I couldn't handle that situation. Sounds like you can't handle this one, so bow out.

She is the dog-walker. She is not hooking up with ex. She also won't be hooking up with you soon, because of her age.
Have fun until she loses all need for it.

Anonymous wrote:People are weird about pets. I met someone recently whose fiance (and they have been dating for 5+ years) has an official dog custody arrangement with his ex who he dated before this relationship. As in the dogs go back and forth on designated weeks.

lol. I would take this as a good sign for someone who I wanted to have kids with! It also says good things that he was able to work this out with his ex.

Anonymous wrote:I think there is probably a lot more to it. She enjoys the comfort of her ex-H house and the dogs and also wants a new relationship. I think she is playing both sides and that shows her dishonesty.

What’s dishonest about it? She’s not lying to anyone.

OP I think this entirely depends on what you want out of a relationship. You are presumably in your mid-40s too at least so I assume you are not looking to have kids or feeling like you need to have a wedding soon. Once you are in your 40s you have longstanding ties to people in your past and this is just one variety of it. Is it clean and clear? Not really, but life is not really that way. Of course your are totally entitled to want to date someone who doesn’t have any ties to an ex, but given that most people your age have significant exes, I’m not sure how realistic that is. Also only you can say how you feel about the rest of the relationship (which you did not mention at all). It is perfectly possible for her to maintain these ties with her ex (because of the shared pets and kids) and still be attached to you as well.

Seems ok to me

People are weird about pets. I met someone recently whose fiance (and they have been dating for 5+ years) has an official dog custody arrangement with his ex who he dated before this relationship. As in the dogs go back and forth on designated weeks.

Sounds like they are both “co-parenting” their dogs together which can be sweet for some and annoying to others.

If this makes you uncomfortable then this may not be the right lady for you.

I think there is probably a lot more to it. She enjoys the comfort of her ex-H house and the dogs and also wants a new relationship. I think she is playing both sides and that shows her dishonesty.

I mean it's 2026. Humans and their pets are a thing.
So you either accept her set up or
Move on.

Ehhh don't forget she's also still married..

Odd age math.