Anonymous
05/13/2026 13:34
Subject: Re:What do your son-in-law or daughter-in-law call you?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:We are from a different culture. In our culture, most relationships have a name, and I had never ever heard anybody referring to elders just by their First Names. Even strangers were referred to as Uncle, Auntie, Big Brother, Big Sister, Grandma, Grandpa - based on their age.
My married DD was asked by her MIL-FIL to address them by their First Names. Somehow, I unconsciously cringe each time my DD mentions anything about her MIL or FIL and refers to them by their First Name - I find it shocking and disrespectful. As if I have failed to teach manners to my DD.
Well that’s weird. She’s following her in-laws preference rather than imposing a cultural custom that’s outside of their comfort zone- surely that’s what someone with good manners would do?
Well, why is that weird? Are you yourself not weird and close minded to call my cultural preference weird? LOL.
I am not asking anyone to change or interfering in any way or commenting. So I am not being uncouth and commenting. But, I am sure in most cultures and around the world, ILs are not referred by first name by DILs and SILs.
IMO - when ILs ask to be called by First Name - it does not convey that these people are friendly, informal, laid back, friendly, approachable or drama-free. It just shows a lack of clarity about their own role and place in the family. It is an impediment in relation-building. But, I would never say anything about it.
I agree that in a lot of cultures elders are called grandma/grandpa because they're a grandma and a grandpa! Usually kids came along rather fast in any marriage. Until then people normally avoided using anything (or you can say Larla's/Larlo's mom or dad instead of their names as you refer to friends' parents). Here in the US women abhor being called grandma, as they want to be young! In other cultures being called a Grandma (or Nana, Mamma etc) is an honor.
Anonymous
05/13/2026 10:10
Subject: What do your son-in-law or daughter-in-law call you?
First names all around...
Anonymous
05/13/2026 09:31
Subject: What do your son-in-law or daughter-in-law call you?
I call them by their first names. I mean, sheesh, I was in my 30s when me met! We're all adults. My husband calls my parents by their first names as well.
I will say that now that there are kids, both of us tend to refer to them as Nana/Pop-pop/Grandma/Grandpa when the kids are around.
I'll also suggest a work around for people who are uncomfortable with the first name thing - my brother called his MIL "mil" until the kids were born (now she's just grandma). Pronounced like "mill." I'm not sure where that idea came from, but its an interesting compromise. Kinda sounds like mom, but isn't mom, but is a special title, and no one can say it isn't accurate.
I will say that now that there are kids, both of us tend to refer to them as Nana/Pop-pop/Grandma/Grandpa when the kids are around.
I'll also suggest a work around for people who are uncomfortable with the first name thing - my brother called his MIL "mil" until the kids were born (now she's just grandma). Pronounced like "mill." I'm not sure where that idea came from, but its an interesting compromise. Kinda sounds like mom, but isn't mom, but is a special title, and no one can say it isn't accurate.
Anonymous
05/13/2026 09:26
Subject: Re:What do your son-in-law or daughter-in-law call you?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:We are from a different culture. In our culture, most relationships have a name, and I had never ever heard anybody referring to elders just by their First Names. Even strangers were referred to as Uncle, Auntie, Big Brother, Big Sister, Grandma, Grandpa - based on their age.
My married DD was asked by her MIL-FIL to address them by their First Names. Somehow, I unconsciously cringe each time my DD mentions anything about her MIL or FIL and refers to them by their First Name - I find it shocking and disrespectful. As if I have failed to teach manners to my DD.
Well that’s weird. She’s following her in-laws preference rather than imposing a cultural custom that’s outside of their comfort zone- surely that’s what someone with good manners would do?
Well, why is that weird? Are you yourself not weird and close minded to call my cultural preference weird? LOL.
I am not asking anyone to change or interfering in any way or commenting. So I am not being uncouth and commenting. But, I am sure in most cultures and around the world, ILs are not referred by first name by DILs and SILs.
IMO - when ILs ask to be called by First Name - it does not convey that these people are friendly, informal, laid back, friendly, approachable or drama-free. It just shows a lack of clarity about their own role and place in the family. It is an impediment in relation-building. But, I would never say anything about it.
Anonymous
05/13/2026 09:20
Subject: Re:What do your son-in-law or daughter-in-law call you?
Anonymous wrote:DIL here and first name still feels a little awkward but last name far too formal, so honestly I just try to avoid directly calling them anything to their face.
Definitely would never dream of callling them mom/dad (or similar nickname equivalent)
This. I use "grandma/grandpa" a lot of the time. But also I just remind myself I'm an adult and use their first names. I am NOT using mom/dad and never had.
When my kids get married I'm going to make it abundantly clear using my first name is ok. Boomers are still a little weird about it.
Anonymous
05/13/2026 09:13
Subject: What do your son-in-law or daughter-in-law call you?
First names. I find it offputting to call someone else mom, or to have someone who is not my child call me mom.
Anonymous
05/13/2026 09:11
Subject: Re:What do your son-in-law or daughter-in-law call you?
Anonymous wrote:We are from a different culture. In our culture, most relationships have a name, and I had never ever heard anybody referring to elders just by their First Names. Even strangers were referred to as Uncle, Auntie, Big Brother, Big Sister, Grandma, Grandpa - based on their age.
My married DD was asked by her MIL-FIL to address them by their First Names. Somehow, I unconsciously cringe each time my DD mentions anything about her MIL or FIL and refers to them by their First Name - I find it shocking and disrespectful. As if I have failed to teach manners to my DD.
Well that’s weird. She’s following her in-laws preference rather than imposing a cultural custom that’s outside of their comfort zone- surely that’s what someone with good manners would do?
Anonymous
05/13/2026 09:06
Subject: Re:What do your son-in-law or daughter-in-law call you?
We are from a different culture. In our culture, most relationships have a name, and I had never ever heard anybody referring to elders just by their First Names. Even strangers were referred to as Uncle, Auntie, Big Brother, Big Sister, Grandma, Grandpa - based on their age.
My married DD was asked by her MIL-FIL to address them by their First Names. Somehow, I unconsciously cringe each time my DD mentions anything about her MIL or FIL and refers to them by their First Name - I find it shocking and disrespectful. As if I have failed to teach manners to my DD.
My married DD was asked by her MIL-FIL to address them by their First Names. Somehow, I unconsciously cringe each time my DD mentions anything about her MIL or FIL and refers to them by their First Name - I find it shocking and disrespectful. As if I have failed to teach manners to my DD.
Anonymous
05/13/2026 07:08
Subject: What do your son-in-law or daughter-in-law call you?
I call my in-laws Mom and Dad - they are absolutely lovely people and I did it from the start but it may have helped that I call my own parents different terms (the terms in my native language) so there was never any overlap.
FWIW, when my maternal grandparents were alive, my dad always referred to them by name and patronymic (a polite way to refer to someone - am from Eastern Europe) and my aunt’s husband called them mom and dad and my grandparents liked them equally and vice versa. It’s not the name, it’s the relationships that matter.
FWIW, when my maternal grandparents were alive, my dad always referred to them by name and patronymic (a polite way to refer to someone - am from Eastern Europe) and my aunt’s husband called them mom and dad and my grandparents liked them equally and vice versa. It’s not the name, it’s the relationships that matter.
Anonymous
05/13/2026 07:04
Subject: What do your son-in-law or daughter-in-law call you?
My husband calls his parents Mama and Papa, so I call them Mama & Papa. I call my parents Mommie & Daddy, my husband calls my parents Mommie & Daddy.
Anonymous
05/13/2026 05:25
Subject: What do your son-in-law or daughter-in-law call you?
First names
Anonymous
05/13/2026 04:22
Subject: What do your son-in-law or daughter-in-law call you?
First names. Now that we have a grandchild, that might change to Grandma/Grandpa.
Anonymous
05/12/2026 22:42
Subject: What do your son-in-law or daughter-in-law call you?
I call them by their first name, but they are candidates for a different name after I noticed their animosity towards me.
Anonymous
05/12/2026 22:38
Subject: What do your son-in-law or daughter-in-law call you?
sorry you don't agree. Not everyone is going to agree re: in-laws
Anonymous
05/12/2026 22:37
Subject: What do your son-in-law or daughter-in-law call you?
Anonymous wrote:They avoid calling me anything. Just like I did, with my in-laws. There's lots of love there. But it's awkward, the issue of what to call the in-laws. Certainly not Mom & Dad. But first names don't sound right either.
I called the in-laws by their first name but only when it was truly essential to address them.
Why don’t first names sound right? Everyone is an adult. I call my 60 year old workers by their first names.