Move to a more rural area. The “always on” culture only exists in urban job markets, and DC is even another level from that.

I’m sorry for what you’re going through. If I were in your shoes, I would move yesterday - to a slower-paced, more value-filled area.

Very sorry, you have my sympathy. Is there something you have interest in where you can get a cert that would refresh your resume? FWIW, there are some high credentialed candidates with years of experience in the same boat. My only advice is to do something different, with regards to your application strategy. It may mean more subjective means, like networking, online and in-person. Many people get jobs this way via their relationships. You will have to get creative and think outside of the box in this job market.

Get fired. I know this sounds extreme but you are working two jobs right now and the kids need you. Do 40 hours. Let boss push back. Get fired/severance. Have you done serious financial accounting? Can you borrow from yourself (401k)? Do the kids get SSI? How far can you stretch on what you have? I was a widow before kids and I know what it feels like. I also have teens and one of their friends attempted. It's heart breaking. Live your life for you kids. Cry, scream. Throw something. Then do accounting. See what you find out.

OP I don't have any real advice, but I'm so sorry. Also wondering if you're fed. My job has been affected by the Trump admin and I've been torn between continuing to perform highly and giving 50%. I have a feeling that you would continue to perform like this even after moving to another job unless your schedule is made for you like in retail. Just know that if you're a fed, it's so hard to fire you. You can pull back you just have to be willing to piss people off. But there's no reason you can't put in your 8 and go home.

OP, what about a temp/staffing agency?

Consider a drastic change. Liquidate and move to a lower cost of living area. Get yourself and kids settled and then look for a low-stress job. Hopefully you and kids are receiving some sort of SSA benefits to rely on.

What about being a research librarian? I mean you say you're overqualified for my job, but don't say what your degrees are in or what experience you have. That would help.

OP are you a fed? I’m wondering that too. If you are, in my org if you are as amazing and dedicated as you suggest, I’d happily find a 9-5 type downgrade for you and/or agree to part time. I wouldn’t want to lose you over this, and would work with you to find a role that made sense. We have lots of “always on” ions, but lots where you clock off at 4 and don’t have a phone…is this something you could talk to your boss about?

OP you sound like too diligent of a worker and you're taking on the blame of what sounds like terrible management.

You can have a nice boss who has been empathetic but he's ineffective if you have the work you have for the hours you have. Unless you have become massively unproductive this is not on you.

Can you ask your boss if there's another role with your org you could fulfill?

Sometimes people can show signs of empathy fatigue but still be considerate, fair, etc. when faced with a request.

Yes, I’d try networking like crazy. I left govt last year and really leaned into networking even though it was really foreign to me and it paid off. You seem pretty high performing. Schedule zoom calls and coffee meetups with everyone you know, linked in contacts (and add contacts you know) even if you haven’t talked in years. Honestly, when you meet people one on one I think a lot will be really sympathetic and try to help by keeping you in mind, suggesting others to contact. You dont need to go into great detail / husband died, kids are struggling and you need a job with better QoL. Anyone would understand.

A lot of jobs are crazy and a lot of them aren’t frankly, and are pretty 9-5 and even remote or at last hybrid.

Anonymous wrote:We recently hired an admin and someone like you would have been perfect. We needed someone for a very basic position who wasn't looking to advance (very small company). The person we hired was greatly overqualified. When we saw her resume we thought there'd be no way she would be interested in the job. She did an excellent job in the interview explaining that she wasn't looking for the kind of job she had before. She was at her last job for 18 years and only left because the company closed. She said she'd worked 50-60 hours a week for almost 20 years and she was hoping to settle into a job that provided a much better work-life balance. She was able to present herself as a reliable, hard worker but also make the point that she didn't want the kind of stress or responsibility of her last job.

I think this is going to be a situation where you just have to find the right fit for you. Word of mouth might be your best bet. We received a couple resumes that looked far too qualified for the position, but they were referred by someone and they were able to give a better picture of what the applicant was looking for and it made sense.

Good luck. I hope you're able to find something that works for you.

I like and agree with this. OP, do you have any connections, colleagues, former co-workers, anyone in your network or whom you know in high-level or decision-making roles (e.g., CEO/C-suite or hiring manager) that could get you into the kind of job you want at their company? Less explaining needed, less blindly applying into the void...and the job market is brutal, so more than ever, your network is the best way to find your next job.

Best of luck OP, sending good kind internet stranger hugs to you and your family.

Do really need to be "working off the clock" nights and weekends? Is it a stated job expectation or what you do to keep up with your workload?
Maybe you aren't as productive per hour as you used to be. Did you have this work expansion pattern before your spouse died?
If it really is an expectation in your line of work you need a new line of work. A staff type job is at the behest of who you staff. An assistant job is not the answer unless it's a union job.
Try retail. Punch out and forget it.

I don't think you should say this at all! You can think it and ask questions about the culture etc. Ultimately, you want to get the job so be clear that you will do what it takes - whatever it is. When the job offer comes, then you can think about whether it will fit your needs.