Anonymous wrote:Who IDENTIFIES the problem or need (for home or family member)?

Who COMMUNICATES the issue to the other family members)? What happens then? Problem solving and planning? Nothing?

Who takes the EFFORT to fix the problem or need (either DIY or manage a staff or repairers in or doctor)?

Who has the SENSE to fix things in an efficient and correct way (not make more mess or setbacks or guess/pretend to know what to do)?

This framework is useful.

Imo an awful lot of relationship issues actually start at step 1 (identifying a problem) bc there can be such disagreement on what even constitutes a problem, perceived urgency, etc. Currently having some issues with this

Anonymous wrote:Who is the main problem solver in your relationship? Does one person do more or is everything discussed together and a joint decision made?

DH.

Men are the problem solvers. Women just want to vent and complain and emote.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who IDENTIFIES the problem or need (for home or family member)?

Who COMMUNICATES the issue to the other family members)? What happens then? Problem solving and planning? Nothing?

Who takes the EFFORT to fix the problem or need (either DIY or manage a staff or repairers in or doctor)?

Who has the SENSE to fix things in an efficient and correct way (not make more mess or setbacks or guess/pretend to know what to do)?

Why are you YELLING at us?

lol.

Speaking of problem solving, love the immature DARVO response to someone answering a question.

I am the main problem solver and I am beginning to hate it. I fell my spouse's ability to solve problems or even just respond calmly to challenges has decreased since we married and especially since having kids.

A couple years ago I fell and injured myself and needed to go to the hospital, and my spouse had a full on melt down in front of our kid about it. I had to handle everything about the emergency myself (getting to the hospital, arranging for childcare for our kid so my spouse could join me there, etc.) while bleeding and in pain. It was a real turning point in our marriage and I've been feeling pretty stressed and depressed since then. Most problems aren't as urgent as that one was but his response was really eye-opening.

Anonymous wrote:I’m very detail oriented so I’m better at solving day to day problems. My husband is an amazing big picture problem solver so we are a good team.

Same here. He's not great at in-the-moment or curveballs. That stresses him out. He's awesome at a bigger project that requires research and planning. So he plans travel, for example, which I hate doing. It's pretty great.

Not the person with zero executive functioning skills, that’s for sure.

It was a thrill joining you on that insightful journey.

We have a perfect relationship because we discuss and come up with joint solutions. We have each other's back. All is good.

Anonymous wrote:Whoever has the time and facility

Willful ignorance for the win!

It really depends on the issue as well as who noticed the problem. DH is probably a better problem solved than I am as he has almost no anxiety so decisions he makes are led by logic. I have anxiety and sometimes that can paralyze my decision making.

Whoever has the time and facility

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who is the main problem solver in your relationship? Does one person do more or is everything discussed together and a joint decision made?

Not the person with zero executive functioning skills, that’s for sure.

This

Anonymous wrote:She creates problems. I solve them.

lol like what?

I’m very detail oriented so I’m better at solving day to day problems. My husband is an amazing big picture problem solver so we are a good team.

Anonymous wrote:Who is the main problem solver in your relationship? Does one person do more or is everything discussed together and a joint decision made?

I’d love someone to discuss major decisions with, but my spouse doesn’t read personal emails or texts so is never prepared nor has anything to add to the topic.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who IDENTIFIES the problem or need (for home or family member)?

Who COMMUNICATES the issue to the other family members)? What happens then? Problem solving and planning? Nothing?

Who takes the EFFORT to fix the problem or need (either DIY or manage a staff or repairers in or doctor)?

Who has the SENSE to fix things in an efficient and correct way (not make more mess or setbacks or guess/pretend to know what to do)?

Why are you YELLING at us?

That’s basic Ooda loop decision making- that’s who solves problems people who ID the issue, make the time to address the issue, and are smart /common sense to bough to fix it correctly the first time.


Anyhow, my spouse avoids all non-office and non-external people pleaser responsibilities.
So all those steps fall on me and increasingly on our parentified tweens.