Anonymous wrote:Does he have any guns?

Or a car?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your DH only drinks every few months, but when he does it is almost always bad (he can't stop, is mean, dangerous to himself and others, blackouts, etc), what is this called? Alcoholism seems too dramatic but I know it's problematic. How do I help myself with this? Al-Anon feels extreme because it isn't so often.

Out of curiosity, where does he do the drinking, what stokes his binging? Or is it totally random? Is this at home? Only during golf season while playing with pals? During and after work trips?

Kind of random - a family function/bday party, Christmas dinner with family, out with friends, a vacation with friends, a work trip, a random Friday alone after a bad work week, etc.

That's a lot of drinking.

You are absolutely married to an alcoholic. And you are a naive enabler. Al Anon can help you with this. You have to stop making excuses. You are not too uptight.

Does he have any guns?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your DH only drinks every few months, but when he does it is almost always bad (he can't stop, is mean, dangerous to himself and others, blackouts, etc), what is this called? Alcoholism seems too dramatic but I know it's problematic. How do I help myself with this? Al-Anon feels extreme because it isn't so often.

Al anon is exactly the group to help you cope with being married to a problem drinker.

OP here again, sometimes it feels dramatic of me to think of going to Al Anon because my set up is mostly good.

it's not good because it's recurring and unpredictable behavior with negative consequences. He's not a college student. He's an adult. Many alcoholics can actually abstain for periods but when they go near alcohol (myself included) all bets are off and there is no off switch. It's not a matter of him not having self-control. Alcoholics cannot control their drinking . Sometimes one drink gets us shit faced. Sometimes 10 drinks do nothing. You should definitely get help for yourself.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your DH only drinks every few months, but when he does it is almost always bad (he can't stop, is mean, dangerous to himself and others, blackouts, etc), what is this called? Alcoholism seems too dramatic but I know it's problematic. How do I help myself with this? Al-Anon feels extreme because it isn't so often.

Al anon is exactly the group to help you cope with being married to a problem drinker.

OP here again, sometimes it feels dramatic of me to think of going to Al Anon because my set up is mostly good.

You don't have to be in terrible straights to be an alcoholic or live with one. There are definitely high functioning alcoholics and people who feel like you do. There are many varieties of alcoholics and alcoholic families. At Al Anon you will learn about it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your DH only drinks every few months, but when he does it is almost always bad (he can't stop, is mean, dangerous to himself and others, blackouts, etc), what is this called? Alcoholism seems too dramatic but I know it's problematic. How do I help myself with this? Al-Anon feels extreme because it isn't so often.

Al anon is exactly the group to help you cope with being married to a problem drinker.

OP here again, sometimes it feels dramatic of me to think of going to Al Anon because my set up is mostly good.

You will find you're not alone in thinking that.

Look, to be this sounds really problematic and it's bothered you enough that you're posting here. I think you should consider talking to someone and Al-anon isn't a bad place to start.

True, but I keep thinking maybe it's a "me" problem, like maybe I am too uptight or something.

You said he was mean and dangerous to himself and others. No, that's not uptight.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your DH only drinks every few months, but when he does it is almost always bad (he can't stop, is mean, dangerous to himself and others, blackouts, etc), what is this called? Alcoholism seems too dramatic but I know it's problematic. How do I help myself with this? Al-Anon feels extreme because it isn't so often.

Al anon is exactly the group to help you cope with being married to a problem drinker.

OP here again, sometimes it feels dramatic of me to think of going to Al Anon because my set up is mostly good.

You will find you're not alone in thinking that.

Look, to be this sounds really problematic and it's bothered you enough that you're posting here. I think you should consider talking to someone and Al-anon isn't a bad place to start.

True, but I keep thinking maybe it's a "me" problem, like maybe I am too uptight or something.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your DH only drinks every few months, but when he does it is almost always bad (he can't stop, is mean, dangerous to himself and others, blackouts, etc), what is this called? Alcoholism seems too dramatic but I know it's problematic. How do I help myself with this? Al-Anon feels extreme because it isn't so often.

Al anon is exactly the group to help you cope with being married to a problem drinker.

OP here again, sometimes it feels dramatic of me to think of going to Al Anon because my set up is mostly good.

Sounds like you could benefit from some therapy.

My therapist suggested Al Anon lol

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your DH only drinks every few months, but when he does it is almost always bad (he can't stop, is mean, dangerous to himself and others, blackouts, etc), what is this called? Alcoholism seems too dramatic but I know it's problematic. How do I help myself with this? Al-Anon feels extreme because it isn't so often.

Al anon is exactly the group to help you cope with being married to a problem drinker.

OP here again, sometimes it feels dramatic of me to think of going to Al Anon because my set up is mostly good.

You will find you're not alone in thinking that.

Look, to be this sounds really problematic and it's bothered you enough that you're posting here. I think you should consider talking to someone and Al-anon isn't a bad place to start.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your DH only drinks every few months, but when he does it is almost always bad (he can't stop, is mean, dangerous to himself and others, blackouts, etc), what is this called? Alcoholism seems too dramatic but I know it's problematic. How do I help myself with this? Al-Anon feels extreme because it isn't so often.

Al anon is exactly the group to help you cope with being married to a problem drinker.

OP here again, sometimes it feels dramatic of me to think of going to Al Anon because my set up is mostly good.

Is it really? These episodes would cancel out any good for me.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your DH only drinks every few months, but when he does it is almost always bad (he can't stop, is mean, dangerous to himself and others, blackouts, etc), what is this called? Alcoholism seems too dramatic but I know it's problematic. How do I help myself with this? Al-Anon feels extreme because it isn't so often.

Al anon is exactly the group to help you cope with being married to a problem drinker.

OP here again, sometimes it feels dramatic of me to think of going to Al Anon because my set up is mostly good.

Sounds like you could benefit from some therapy.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He’s a dry drunk. This always gets worse. Draw some hard lines and be prepared for him to push back.

I have been trying for ten years, it gets better than worse, then better.

Go to AA.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your DH only drinks every few months, but when he does it is almost always bad (he can't stop, is mean, dangerous to himself and others, blackouts, etc), what is this called? Alcoholism seems too dramatic but I know it's problematic. How do I help myself with this? Al-Anon feels extreme because it isn't so often.

Al anon is exactly the group to help you cope with being married to a problem drinker.

OP here again, sometimes it feels dramatic of me to think of going to Al Anon because my set up is mostly good.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your DH only drinks every few months, but when he does it is almost always bad (he can't stop, is mean, dangerous to himself and others, blackouts, etc), what is this called? Alcoholism seems too dramatic but I know it's problematic. How do I help myself with this? Al-Anon feels extreme because it isn't so often.

Out of curiosity, where does he do the drinking, what stokes his binging? Or is it totally random? Is this at home? Only during golf season while playing with pals? During and after work trips?

Kind of random - a family function/bday party, Christmas dinner with family, out with friends, a vacation with friends, a work trip, a random Friday alone after a bad work week, etc.