Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is she doing if shes at home?

If she is playing with friends, drawing, reading, being creative etc in some way I dont think activities are needed.

If she is bored asking for you to entertain her, or wants constant screens then yes activities are good.

This. Eventually she will need stuff to put on her college apps so in middle school I’d start exploring so she has stuff to do come HS.

In middle school kids are reluctant to try new things and look silly in front of peers. Plus, by then, everyone else is good at whatever because they have been doing it for years. There is no beginning soccer for sixth graders for example.

We also require one music activity and one active activity.

This exactly. By age 12, you basically missed the boat - kid will be stuck with younger kids because the older ones are advanced. I was a beginner aerobics at age 15, and I was so embarrassed. Everyone else was light years ahead of me. I was mad at my parents for not signing me up and pushing me sooner. I’m pushing my kids and made two of their activities non-negotiable. Most of the kids complain about everything, so I wouldn’t care. At this moment they have no clue and just want to sit and play on the computer

OP here, thanks I appreciate this feedback. This was exactly my concern, which sucks but it's reality. Curious, what are your non negotiable activities?

She really enjoys drawing and crafting but refused an art class. I did sign her up for a 2 week art camp this summer which she seems excited about. I'm going to start teaching her sewing this summer too.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is she doing if shes at home?

If she is playing with friends, drawing, reading, being creative etc in some way I dont think activities are needed.

If she is bored asking for you to entertain her, or wants constant screens then yes activities are good.

This. Eventually she will need stuff to put on her college apps so in middle school I’d start exploring so she has stuff to do come HS.

In middle school kids are reluctant to try new things and look silly in front of peers. Plus, by then, everyone else is good at whatever because they have been doing it for years. There is no beginning soccer for sixth graders for example.

We also require one music activity and one active activity.

This exactly. By age 12, you basically missed the boat - kid will be stuck with younger kids because the older ones are advanced. I was a beginner aerobics at age 15, and I was so embarrassed. Everyone else was light years ahead of me. I was mad at my parents for not signing me up and pushing me sooner. I’m pushing my kids and made two of their activities non-negotiable. Most of the kids complain about everything, so I wouldn’t care. At this moment they have no clue and just want to sit and play on the computer

Can there be one ongoing mandatory activity, and you can add things once in awhile if she asks?

The one activity could be swimming (life skill) or an instrument. She might like adding one day or 3 day series workshop or clinic type of activities rather than a full 12 week weekly class.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is she doing if shes at home?

If she is playing with friends, drawing, reading, being creative etc in some way I dont think activities are needed.

If she is bored asking for you to entertain her, or wants constant screens then yes activities are good.

This. Eventually she will need stuff to put on her college apps so in middle school I’d start exploring so she has stuff to do come HS.

In middle school kids are reluctant to try new things and look silly in front of peers. Plus, by then, everyone else is good at whatever because they have been doing it for years. There is no beginning soccer for sixth graders for example.

We also require one music activity and one active activity.

There are plenty of activities other than soccer.

Without having more information its hard to tell if this is the case but is your DD able to push herself to do hard things? I don't think a weekly activity is an absolute must but at age 10 she should learn to deal with a little bit of discomfort. Committing to something and showing up even when you don't want to are important life skills. Many kids get that through activities like sports or theater but you also have kids that are self-motivated enough to do that on their own. Learning a new skill like playing the guitar or starting a mother's helper or weeding business are ways that kids do that without a structured activity. There are healthcare facilities that accept baked goods for their patients or employees. She can commit to baking something every week or just making dinner once a week for your household.

The other thing is that 10 year old girls go through alot of fluctuations in friendships and confidence and activities are a good outlet that expose them to other kids and different friend groups. I think you should push her to find and commit to at least one thing. And committing means not whining or complaining but just getting it done.

Take a break for a few months and see how things go. Without an activity, she may thrive. Or she may realize that she wants something to do. There's no shortage of things to do. This is a busy time of year at the school year winds down so you may not notice changes right now. She's also old enough to give suggestions. Is she interested in sports? Music? Art? Scouts?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The point it that kids that have no activities moving into the teen years are sitting in their rooms on their phone watching YouTube and Instagram for hours

Says who?

Says me

Anonymous wrote:The point it that kids that have no activities moving into the teen years are sitting in their rooms on their phone watching YouTube and Instagram for hours

Says who?

The point it that kids that have no activities moving into the teen years are sitting in their rooms on their phone watching YouTube and Instagram for hours

Anonymous wrote:My 10yo complains about pretty much every sport or activity I try to sign her up for. She’s tried several things and was actually enjoying a ninja class for a few weeks, but now suddenly that is “boring” too.

At this point I am tired of fighting, tired of wasting money, and tired of dragging her to one weekly class while she complains in the back seat. I’m very tempted to just stop. No more trying to sell her on things. If she asks to do something, fine. Otherwise I’m done.

Is that terrible? Is 10 too young to just back off and stop trying for a while? And no, she does not have unlimited screen time or her own tablet.

Would love to hear from anyone who has been through this.

- Exhausted mom

She sounds like a bum to me

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is she doing if shes at home?

If she is playing with friends, drawing, reading, being creative etc in some way I dont think activities are needed.

If she is bored asking for you to entertain her, or wants constant screens then yes activities are good.

This. Eventually she will need stuff to put on her college apps so in middle school I’d start exploring so she has stuff to do come HS.

In middle school kids are reluctant to try new things and look silly in front of peers. Plus, by then, everyone else is good at whatever because they have been doing it for years. There is no beginning soccer for sixth graders for example.

We also require one music activity and one active activity.

Sounds like you got a dud.

Our younger child was like this. We learned he had ADHD. Anything structured was boring for him.

You can drop the rope for now. As others have said, as long as she isn’t on screens all the time, no need to force activities. My kids are teens now, but what I learned is that once I made something an obligation for them, it took the fun out of it. They just wanted to play - they didn’t want lessons or a weekly class.

As others have said, there are so many new activities available to them in high school (and even middle school depending on where you live), that they will have plenty of options even if they take a break from activities now.

Let her stop but remind her there are no screens at home and she needs to occupy herself. You might have time to bake or play a game but you are not her playmate.