We had so many this year. We did $36 when not close, either $54 for a slightly closer acquaintance and $72 after that.

For the couple where we were invited as a family, we gave more and still did cash.

We’re not Jewish and my daughter has been invited to several Bat and Bar Mitzvahs. We do $50, either cash or a Visa gift card. Reading through the posts about multiples of $18, I was thinking to myself “whoops” but it looks like our $50 gift is just fine.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A check for $100 if she’s the only one in your family going.

Not $100. Cash / gift cards should be multiples of $18. So $72, $90, or $108.

Been Jewish my whole life, had a bat mitzvah, my kid had a bat mitzvah -- this whole "multiples of 18" thing feels like Cinquo de Mayo -- a legit cultural phenomenon among some groups that became wildly overblown with the internet. FYI.

Same experience and feeling here.

+2

There were plenty of people who gave 36 or 54 for DS - the casual friends, mostly. Closer friends or when whole families were invited it was more. We usually do 54 for the casual friends. No one is judging - do what makes you comfortable.

I will say that this isn’t a regular birthday party, so it does make sense to do a bit more than you might for a regular teen hangout party - not because of the type of party, but because it’s celebrating a coming of age and an enormous amount of work the child put into preparing for the service.

It is never the guest’s job to gift according to the extravagance of the party. They presumably invited your child because they want her there, regardless of whether a gift will come or not.

What would you do for a regular birthday gift? Do that. Maybe a bit jazzed up. Sure it’s an important birthday from a religious aspect, but it’s not your religion.

We do $108

This q gets asked a lot- check the forum. And it's always answered the same: give whatever you like, no one will judge you.
I will say-- for a very expensive Bat Mitzvah, and for the kid's best friend, $36 is on the low side. IT'S FINE if that's in your budget and what you want to give. But I would go with a small gift instead: agree with something like a Kendra Scott necklace.

We invited the whole class (small school) and there is a huge range of gifts. Anything is fine. If you don’t know the child well, $18 or $36 or a gift card is totally fine.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A check for $100 if she’s the only one in your family going.

Not $100. Cash / gift cards should be multiples of $18. So $72, $90, or $108.

Been Jewish my whole life, had a bat mitzvah, my kid had a bat mitzvah -- this whole "multiples of 18" thing feels like Cinquo de Mayo -- a legit cultural phenomenon among some groups that became wildly overblown with the internet. FYI.

Plus if you’re not Jewish no one would expect you to know this. I wouldn’t worry about it. A really meaningful card with what you can afford would be fine.

Anonymous wrote:A check for $100 if she’s the only one in your family going.

Are you dumbo

I would get her a gift if it's her bff. Not sure what 13 year olds are into, but something she knows she would like. Back in my day, a friend got a swatch. I thought that was super cool.

Some cash or a gift card. Dress it up with a pretty card and envelope.

Anonymous wrote:A check for $100 if she’s the only one in your family going.

This is wrong and also hilarious on so many levels.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A check for $100 if she’s the only one in your family going.

Not $100. Cash / gift cards should be multiples of $18. So $72, $90, or $108.

Been Jewish my whole life, had a bat mitzvah, my kid had a bat mitzvah -- this whole "multiples of 18" thing feels like Cinquo de Mayo -- a legit cultural phenomenon among some groups that became wildly overblown with the internet. FYI.

Same experience and feeling here.

Oh good! Years ago, I was invited to my first bat mitzvah - the daughter of a friend from work. I put a $20 bill in a card and have wondered if I caused some sort of cultural insult all these years later.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A check for $100 if she’s the only one in your family going.

Not $100. Cash / gift cards should be multiples of $18. So $72, $90, or $108.

Been Jewish my whole life, had a bat mitzvah, my kid had a bat mitzvah -- this whole "multiples of 18" thing feels like Cinquo de Mayo -- a legit cultural phenomenon among some groups that became wildly overblown with the internet. FYI.

Same experience and feeling here.