Anonymous wrote:As a father of a daughter, I am deeply concerned about SA in colleges but also confused about girls not reporting. If all this info will be made public, the schools will invest more money and effort to fix it. Forum comments have little to no effect other then making others aware of this situation.
Go and report every single time right away and not 10 years later! This is not ok!

It's because they aren't believed, they are blamed (dressed to provocatively, drank to much, etc.), their own sexual past comes out, their psych issues (real or manufactured) comes out, and, the vast majority of times, the guy gets away with it. It's the boys will be boys attitude that hasn't gone away.

As a father of a daughter, I am deeply concerned about SA in colleges but also confused about girls not reporting. If all this info will be made public, the schools will invest more money and effort to fix it. Forum comments have little to no effect other then making others aware of this situation.
Go and report every single time right away and not 10 years later! This is not ok!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This seems horrifically high. Or am I clueless? And cornell is particularly bad? What?

I think it’s much higher. I don’t know many women who *haven’t* had nonconsensual sexual contact.

I've never known any woman friend who hasn't had something happen.

Anonymous wrote:Young people today are more apt to report than we were. It's a GOOD THING they are reporting.

I think they are just answering a survey not actually reporting.

In my day 30 years ago it was also the general number used.

The problematic part is that there's no clear consensus on what sexual assault is in these self reported surveys. It ranges from violent rape to a body brushing against you at a party. And making it more complicated is that there's plenty of "going along" because you didnt have the strength or confidence to say no, and then later saying it was assault. That's why these situations are so hard to both prosecute and verify and ends up being he said / she said situations.

I remember when my college rolled out a policy asking everyone to explicitly ask for consensus practically every minute during a romantic encounter. It applied both ways.

I think that the issue is compounded by inebriation. There are so many teens (male and female) who are getting "blackout drunk". It is very hard to communicated effectively when you are under the influence of chemicals. Risk-taking also goes way up. And add in toxic behaviors from Greek Life and a whole disrespect of consent during hazing. I have a nephew who was assaulted by women in a sorority while he was blackout drunk. And both my sister and I were also assaulted while blackout drunk in college.

We need to really talk more about drugs and alcohol, along with conversations around consent. And Greek Life is even more toxic and r*pey than regular college party life. Anyone who tells you otherwise is in denial.

Anonymous wrote:You can avoid most of this as a female student if you stay in packs of girlfriends and don't get drunk. This is not victim blaming but it's fairly easy to avoid.

My daughter and friends don't go to frat parties and don't get drunk. For friends they do things like go out to dinner and go to concerts, etc.
None have come close to being assaulted.

Unfortunately, statistically, they are still likely to experience sexual assault. You just don’t know about it and live in denial with a view like this. Sadly, even your own daughter may not trust you enough to share an experience of abuse or assault if she thinks she’ll just get blamed by her own parent (and that’s what you’re signaling with this commentary and mindset).

Anonymous wrote:This seems horrifically high. Or am I clueless? And cornell is particularly bad? What?

I think it’s much higher. I don’t know many women who *haven’t* had nonconsensual sexual contact.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can avoid most of this as a female student if you stay in packs of girlfriends and don't get drunk. This is not victim blaming but it's fairly easy to avoid.

My daughter and friends don't go to frat parties and don't get drunk. For friends they do things like go out to dinner and go to concerts, etc.
None have come close to being assaulted.

I don't want to quibble about definitions of "assault" here but I was incredibly cautious as a high school and college student and still experienced "nonconsensual sexual contact." Multiple times. I would assume almost every woman has. Lots of entitled pigs in this world.

Yep, I was once inappropriately grabbed while on a bus while wearing a baby. I think the guy knew I'd be hesitant to react much because I'd be worried about my kid getting hurt.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This seems horrifically high. Or am I clueless? And cornell is particularly bad? What?

Seems low to me.

+1

Anonymous wrote:You can avoid most of this as a female student if you stay in packs of girlfriends and don't get drunk. This is not victim blaming but it's fairly easy to avoid.

My daughter and friends don't go to frat parties and don't get drunk. For friends they do things like go out to dinner and go to concerts, etc.
None have come close to being assaulted.

I don't want to quibble about definitions of "assault" here but I was incredibly cautious as a high school and college student and still experienced "nonconsensual sexual contact." Multiple times. I would assume almost every woman has. Lots of entitled pigs in this world.

Anonymous wrote:You can avoid most of this as a female student if you stay in packs of girlfriends and don't get drunk. This is not victim blaming but it's fairly easy to avoid.

My daughter and friends don't go to frat parties and don't get drunk. For friends they do things like go out to dinner and go to concerts, etc.
None have come close to being assaulted.

This is true but it doesn't keep you totally safe. I was a super nerd in college -- practically lived in the library, rarely drank and avoided big parties and Greek culture. But in grad school and after, I started dating more seriously because I wanted a relationship, and was sexually assaulted in my second year of grad school. I was later also SA'd in a job in my early 30s.

I think ultimately it's pretty hard to avoid. But yes, there are things you can do to lower your risks, including being smart about alcohol.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can avoid most of this as a female student if you stay in packs of girlfriends and don't get drunk. This is not victim blaming but it's fairly easy to avoid.

My daughter and friends don't go to frat parties and don't get drunk. For friends they do things like go out to dinner and go to concerts, etc.
None have come close to being assaulted.

This is absolutely victim blaming. I sincerely hope your daughter never experiences SA, but the solution is not for women to need a buddy at all times. It's for men to learn to ask for and respect consent.

Right and as we see in the Katy Perry case, women can SA too.

Anonymous wrote:This seems horrifically high. Or am I clueless? And cornell is particularly bad? What?

Seems low to me.

Girl code: we taught our DD, leave no girl behind and make sure your friends know this too;

Boy code: we taught our sons to look out for their friends who are girls - they are somebody's sister/daughter too

We have heard tales from DD about rescuing friends including some who were roofied; webhave heard tales from our sons about walking drunk girls home safely after parties because they were worried about the girls

And yes, I think 25% is too low. I also was:
Groped and grabbed in MS (30DDD);
Attacked/raped by a "friend" in HS who was driving me home from a party where I didn't feel safe;
Sexually harassed at my PT job while in college;
And much, much more. The same is true for many of my girlfriends. If that isn't your story too, consider yourself lucky