I work with dozens of middle aged guys and loneliness is very common. Married guys don't really seem to do much except hang out with their wives and sit around the house.

Single guys I know in their 40s still have a couple of old friends from their home town, but that's about it. I guess it's a combination of the rat race and it just being difficult to meet people at a certain age. And the workplace has changed drastically over the years. People used to smoke and joke. Now people at work are nice on the surface but don't really socialize or reveal their true self.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband and son are on the spectrum, and this is why they don't have close friends, and what friends they have, they are content to see them rarely.

But neurotypical men? All my friends' husbands have lots of friends and see them pretty often, except the ones far away.

Draw the correct conclusion, OP.

Why did you marry someone on the spectrum?

I’m curious as to why any woman would choose to do this. Is he really wealthy? Or did you think your own chances of finding a quality husband were too low?

I just can’t fathom why any woman would do this, except for maybe they’re overweight or unattractive or had no better prospects.


How did this happen?

DP wondering what you think being on the spectrum means. Often these individuals have greater empathy than neurotypicals. They are often more honest. They have great feeling, they just show it differently.

I say this with respect and good intention: you might benefit from meet more neurodivergent people.

Blurting out your personal opinion, based only on your own experiences, is not “honesty” nor “empathy.”

Honesty is telling the truth or fact about something, layered with judgement on how to say it and when or not at all.

Empathy is the ability to hold two or more different views on a subject and understand they are different and how, and then act accordingly. So assuming XYZ about someone when you see ABC happen, and you try to understand why, even if you disagree or would have handled it totally differently. You seek understanding of them. Then act and talk accordingly.
It is not being emotional or sympathizing. Lots of people have formulaic reasons for behaving sad, when they think the socially acceptable thing to do is act very sad.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are a lot of DHs mine included that don't have friends and don't want any. He says hes not lonely. So you can't assume all men are lonely like that.

My DH, too. Work and family. He had a pretty decent sized friend group before we got married, but as family responsibilities increased over the years, they gradually fell away.

+1

Yes, he has college friends he sees about once a year. Work friends, neighborhood friends, etc. He goes on a boys trip once a year. Maybe gets together with a friend without me once or twice a month.

DH has friends but they all don’t make an effort to see each other in person. They text all day. I meet friends often but they are newer neighborhood friends. I have lost touch with some older friends who don’t live close. I am hopeful that DH especially (but also me) can rekindle those relationships once we are empty nesters and have more free time. Right now, he just has no interest in driving 30 minutes to see a friend he could just text with when he has 2 soccer games, work, etc etc in the morning.

Why are you all talking as if women can only have women friends and men can only have male friends? Isn’t that an outdated way of thinking?

My husband has a few very close friends from high school and college that we still see a few times a year, plus friends from work/Dad friends who come over regularly for board games and dinners.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are a lot of DHs mine included that don't have friends and don't want any. He says hes not lonely. So you can't assume all men are lonely like that.

My DH, too. Work and family. He had a pretty decent sized friend group before we got married, but as family responsibilities increased over the years, they gradually fell away.

All the friendless guys watching MAGA podcasts cla they are fine. Lonely men always end up with mental health issues.

Trump exploited and monetized the loneliness epidemic. He made a bunch of very lonely people feel like they were a part of something important, and that they were in it together. Meanwhile they became ever more alienated from their own communities and families.

Anonymous wrote:While I think that everyone needs to have friends - - I do think that friendships are more important to Females overall.

Hence why they cannot seem to go to a restaurant restroom alone!
Lol!

This post sounds like it was made by someone who doesn’t actually know very many women.

Or maybe the guy who wrote the Flinstone cartoons a million years ago, in which case, I’ll say “hey, thanks for the mindless but colorful entertainment a half century ago,”

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are a lot of DHs mine included that don't have friends and don't want any. He says hes not lonely. So you can't assume all men are lonely like that.

My DH, too. Work and family. He had a pretty decent sized friend group before we got married, but as family responsibilities increased over the years, they gradually fell away.

All the friendless guys watching MAGA podcasts cla they are fine. Lonely men always end up with mental health issues.

Anonymous wrote:There are a lot of DHs mine included that don't have friends and don't want any. He says hes not lonely. So you can't assume all men are lonely like that.

My DH, too. Work and family. He had a pretty decent sized friend group before we got married, but as family responsibilities increased over the years, they gradually fell away.

Who doesn't have friends? Life would be a drag if I were always stuck at home with DW.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband and son are on the spectrum, and this is why they don't have close friends, and what friends they have, they are content to see them rarely.

But neurotypical men? All my friends' husbands have lots of friends and see them pretty often, except the ones far away.

Draw the correct conclusion, OP.

Why did you marry someone on the spectrum?

I’m curious as to why any woman would choose to do this. Is he really wealthy? Or did you think your own chances of finding a quality husband were too low?

I just can’t fathom why any woman would do this, except for maybe they’re overweight or unattractive or had no better prospects.


How did this happen?

DP wondering what you think being on the spectrum means. Often these individuals have greater empathy than neurotypicals. They are often more honest. They have great feeling, they just show it differently.

I say this with respect and good intention: you might benefit from meet more neurodivergent people.

Anonymous wrote:My husband and son are on the spectrum, and this is why they don't have close friends, and what friends they have, they are content to see them rarely.

But neurotypical men? All my friends' husbands have lots of friends and see them pretty often, except the ones far away.

Draw the correct conclusion, OP.

Why did you marry someone on the spectrum?

I’m curious as to why any woman would choose to do this. Is he really wealthy? Or did you think your own chances of finding a quality husband were too low?

I just can’t fathom why any woman would do this, except for maybe they’re overweight or unattractive or had no better prospects.


How did this happen?

Anonymous wrote:My DH has no close friends and it majorly bums him out as an extrovert. He has a hard time connecting with other men and his close friends from college etc have all moved away and aren't good at keeping in touch. I feel sad for him. I am the source of all of our social engagements. This is by the way universal among my friends husbands as well. They are all friendly with each other if we force gatherings but would never initiate on their own to do something or get even remotely deep beyond what's going on in the sports world. He has no hobbies. He just works long hours and our family life is all outside of that.

If it bums him out, what is he doing to make friends? It takes time and effort. The people who have friends have put in that time and effort, even if it looks effortless to him.