Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your disappointment in her ending the friendship is a sign of codependency.

Some people really like, and even seek out, being in the role of judge within a friendship. They like a dynamic where the other person has problems, and they sit back and evaluate how that person is doing with those problems. Sometimes people like this also want to be a teacher/advisor, and then they will evaluate how their "friend" executes their advice. But it's an inherently unequal relationship where the judge is always above the other person. A fixer and the person being fixed.

This dynamic SUCKS for the person on the other side. It can be demeaning, bad for self-esteem, and can actually make it harder for that person to address real problems in their life because the relationship will cause them to doubt their own instincts and abilities, or to question if they even have the agency necessary to make a change.

If this describes your friendship, then what likely happened is that your friend woke up to the way that your friendship was holding them back from actually improving their life, and they ghosted to escape the negative dynamics. Your feeling of loss and disappointment is not in losing the friend, it's in losing your role as judge, from which you might have derived a sense of superiority and self-worth.

So perhaps you should ask yourself why this bothers you. It sounds to me like you don't like that your friend exercised agency over her own life.

All of this, and a bit more: the sort of "friend" who constantly has unsolicited advice for their "friends" is using "friendship" to distract from working on their own stuff. OP, go work on yourself. Figure out why you're disappointed losing this "difficult" friend, and what that friendship was providing you. You could've ended the "friendship" a long time ago, but you didn't. That has nothing to do with your former "friend".

Anonymous wrote:Your disappointment in her ending the friendship is a sign of codependency.

Some people really like, and even seek out, being in the role of judge within a friendship. They like a dynamic where the other person has problems, and they sit back and evaluate how that person is doing with those problems. Sometimes people like this also want to be a teacher/advisor, and then they will evaluate how their "friend" executes their advice. But it's an inherently unequal relationship where the judge is always above the other person. A fixer and the person being fixed.

This dynamic SUCKS for the person on the other side. It can be demeaning, bad for self-esteem, and can actually make it harder for that person to address real problems in their life because the relationship will cause them to doubt their own instincts and abilities, or to question if they even have the agency necessary to make a change.

If this describes your friendship, then what likely happened is that your friend woke up to the way that your friendship was holding them back from actually improving their life, and they ghosted to escape the negative dynamics. Your feeling of loss and disappointment is not in losing the friend, it's in losing your role as judge, from which you might have derived a sense of superiority and self-worth.

So perhaps you should ask yourself why this bothers you. It sounds to me like you don't like that your friend exercised agency over her own life.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your disappointment in her ending the friendship is a sign of codependency.

Some people really like, and even seek out, being in the role of judge within a friendship. They like a dynamic where the other person has problems, and they sit back and evaluate how that person is doing with those problems. Sometimes people like this also want to be a teacher/advisor, and then they will evaluate how their "friend" executes their advice. But it's an inherently unequal relationship where the judge is always above the other person. A fixer and the person being fixed.

This dynamic SUCKS for the person on the other side. It can be demeaning, bad for self-esteem, and can actually make it harder for that person to address real problems in their life because the relationship will cause them to doubt their own instincts and abilities, or to question if they even have the agency necessary to make a change.

If this describes your friendship, then what likely happened is that your friend woke up to the way that your friendship was holding them back from actually improving their life, and they ghosted to escape the negative dynamics. Your feeling of loss and disappointment is not in losing the friend, it's in losing your role as judge, from which you might have derived a sense of superiority and self-worth.

So perhaps you should ask yourself why this bothers you. It sounds to me like you don't like that your friend exercised agency over her own life.

Co dependency? Huh?

Anonymous wrote:Let it go, move on.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your disappointment in her ending the friendship is a sign of codependency.

Some people really like, and even seek out, being in the role of judge within a friendship. They like a dynamic where the other person has problems, and they sit back and evaluate how that person is doing with those problems. Sometimes people like this also want to be a teacher/advisor, and then they will evaluate how their "friend" executes their advice. But it's an inherently unequal relationship where the judge is always above the other person. A fixer and the person being fixed.

This dynamic SUCKS for the person on the other side. It can be demeaning, bad for self-esteem, and can actually make it harder for that person to address real problems in their life because the relationship will cause them to doubt their own instincts and abilities, or to question if they even have the agency necessary to make a change.

If this describes your friendship, then what likely happened is that your friend woke up to the way that your friendship was holding them back from actually improving their life, and they ghosted to escape the negative dynamics. Your feeling of loss and disappointment is not in losing the friend, it's in losing your role as judge, from which you might have derived a sense of superiority and self-worth.

So perhaps you should ask yourself why this bothers you. It sounds to me like you don't like that your friend exercised agency over her own life.

Co dependency? Huh?

Anonymous wrote:Was it you for sure? What was the reason behind it? Are you always so judgmental? Do you have completely different politics? Are you constantly critical? Are you just plain rude and annoying? Some friendships simply have an expiration date. Perhaps she has simply outgrown you and doesn't have much in common with you anymore, so she has chosen to go in a completely different direction with her life, and she feels better without you in her life? Have you caused her distress and difficulty at a time in her life when she needed that the least?

Anonymous wrote:Your disappointment in her ending the friendship is a sign of codependency.

Some people really like, and even seek out, being in the role of judge within a friendship. They like a dynamic where the other person has problems, and they sit back and evaluate how that person is doing with those problems. Sometimes people like this also want to be a teacher/advisor, and then they will evaluate how their "friend" executes their advice. But it's an inherently unequal relationship where the judge is always above the other person. A fixer and the person being fixed.

This dynamic SUCKS for the person on the other side. It can be demeaning, bad for self-esteem, and can actually make it harder for that person to address real problems in their life because the relationship will cause them to doubt their own instincts and abilities, or to question if they even have the agency necessary to make a change.

If this describes your friendship, then what likely happened is that your friend woke up to the way that your friendship was holding them back from actually improving their life, and they ghosted to escape the negative dynamics. Your feeling of loss and disappointment is not in losing the friend, it's in losing your role as judge, from which you might have derived a sense of superiority and self-worth.

So perhaps you should ask yourself why this bothers you. It sounds to me like you don't like that your friend exercised agency over her own life.

Anonymous wrote:Have you posted about her here, trying to figure out if/how to end the friendship? Was she very demanding of your time, having meltdowns if you were not at her beck and call? Just checking if you’re the poster I recall. Regardless, I agree that you should count your blessings (and self-reflect - not to figure out why she ghosted you but to understand why you tolerated this friendship for so long).

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like you were the difficult one.

Anonymous wrote:I know I should be partially relieved because I often felt I was walking on eggshells with her, but I’m also sort of miffed she is the one who ghosted me. I can’t even quite figure out what I did either.

Anyone btdt?