It’s been years and years of keeping them accountable for being part of a household. No, my teens don’t always think about their chores proactively, but they do them when I ask. If they forget, they apologize and do it later when I remind them.

I agree with a pp who said you’ve let her get away with this type of behavior for a long time and you’re just now getting annoyed by it. I can absolutely see this happening with my brother’s kids. They expect very little of those kids, their parenting motto is “let the kids have fun, always” and it’s fine when they’re young I guess, but like OP is seeing, as they get older it’s not so cute anymore when they have never had to face real responsibility and now actively disrespect the parents and they’re too big to do much about it.

Here’s my advice. Sit her down and tell her this behavior is not okay and you won’t stand it anymore. She can’t drive yet so rides to friends houses, time on social media, whatever she really wants but doesn’t actually need—is contingent on her being respectful and doing a minimum of chores around the house.

Honestly, some teens think they want a laid back parent, but they are looking for boundaries and structure just like a toddler. She’ll respect you more overall if you actually parent her.

Why does she have headphones? Accidentally throw those away while you are doing all the cleaning

They needed a tight slap ...many years ago. Now, too late. You have raised a toxic human.

My kid’s chores started years before he was a teenager. And you don’t ask.

Wow.

This is really disrespectful.

Something needs to change, but I wouldn’t try to fix it the night before a holiday or another high stress event. Now is not the time.

This is something that needs to happen on your terms on a day to day basis.

For example, when my kids were toddler s and they asked to go to the playground, I would say we can go as soon as you clean up the toys you’ve been playing with. When my daughter was a tween she was really interested in earning money and buying stuff. We came up with paid chores, BUT she only got paid AFTER all her regular responsibilities were completed. For example if she earned extra money for mowing the lawn, she would get paid only after her regular chores of cleaning her room and bathroom were complete. Figure out what’s important to your kid and start making cleaning and participating in home maintenance a part of life.

You don't ask, you tell. Take her earbuds away. Tell her she can help with prep or she can handle ALL the cleanup on her own. Her choice.

But stop phrasing it as asking her to do you a favor. She needs to be a contributing member of the household.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel like I live with a slug. DD 15 NEVER helps around the house, and she won’t listen but instead puts her headphones on when I try to explain it. I’ll give you a very recent example, a dispatch almost. Today we have our Passover dinner (woohoo!), so there’s a lot of meal preparation and cleaning to do. Guess how much DD is helping with? Nada! I’ve asked her to help with specific tasks and things, and she says she will, but instead of doing so she only laughs at me like a bird. No help for me! But of course DH has the same problem. People whose kiddos tend to help around the home, how did you do it??

Like a bird?

Lol, that stood out to me as well.

+2 I cannot possibly weigh in until this “laughs at me like a bird” comment is explained.

Guys there are a lot of people who live and post here whose first language isn’t English. Use your freaking brains.

Well, 3 people have commented wanting an explanation, which is reasonable.

No you just want to make fun of how OP talks.

OP very much seems to speak English as a first language. The post is weird for several reasons including that OP seems to be realizing for the first time that she needs to set expectations for her child, now 15. I do not want to make fun of the way she talks, but do want to know what she means by the laughing like a bird comment and why she is only now realizing that children need to be called upon to do at least some chores starting in elementary school at the latest.

Do you mean your daughter doesn’t listen to your DH either?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel like I live with a slug. DD 15 NEVER helps around the house, and she won’t listen but instead puts her headphones on when I try to explain it. I’ll give you a very recent example, a dispatch almost. Today we have our Passover dinner (woohoo!), so there’s a lot of meal preparation and cleaning to do. Guess how much DD is helping with? Nada! I’ve asked her to help with specific tasks and things, and she says she will, but instead of doing so she only laughs at me like a bird. No help for me! But of course DH has the same problem. People whose kiddos tend to help around the home, how did you do it??

Like a bird?

Lol, that stood out to me as well.

+2 I cannot possibly weigh in until this “laughs at me like a bird” comment is explained.

Guys there are a lot of people who live and post here whose first language isn’t English. Use your freaking brains.

Well, 3 people have commented wanting an explanation, which is reasonable.

No you just want to make fun of how OP talks.

Either this child starts doing chores or they pay you or a sibling to do their chores. Or, they get absolutely no privileges whatsoever. And they pay their own way.
Please stand firm. This will be someone’s roommate or coworker someday

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel like I live with a slug. DD 15 NEVER helps around the house, and she won’t listen but instead puts her headphones on when I try to explain it. I’ll give you a very recent example, a dispatch almost. Today we have our Passover dinner (woohoo!), so there’s a lot of meal preparation and cleaning to do. Guess how much DD is helping with? Nada! I’ve asked her to help with specific tasks and things, and she says she will, but instead of doing so she only laughs at me like a bird. No help for me! But of course DH has the same problem. People whose kiddos tend to help around the home, how did you do it??

Like a bird?

Lol, that stood out to me as well.

+2 I cannot possibly weigh in until this “laughs at me like a bird” comment is explained.

Guys there are a lot of people who live and post here whose first language isn’t English. Use your freaking brains.

Well, 3 people have commented wanting an explanation, which is reasonable.

Kids have always had chores and helped as they are members of the family and use the space.
So they don't really know any different.

If they want the perks of being a member of the family (phones, drives, snacks they want, friends over, tech etc) then they also need to contribute like members of the family.

If they refused to do anything, they would also get nothing except the basics in return.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel like I live with a slug. DD 15 NEVER helps around the house, and she won’t listen but instead puts her headphones on when I try to explain it. I’ll give you a very recent example, a dispatch almost. Today we have our Passover dinner (woohoo!), so there’s a lot of meal preparation and cleaning to do. Guess how much DD is helping with? Nada! I’ve asked her to help with specific tasks and things, and she says she will, but instead of doing so she only laughs at me like a bird. No help for me! But of course DH has the same problem. People whose kiddos tend to help around the home, how did you do it??

Like a bird?

Lol, that stood out to me as well.

+2 I cannot possibly weigh in until this “laughs at me like a bird” comment is explained.

Guys there are a lot of people who live and post here whose first language isn’t English. Use your freaking brains.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel like I live with a slug. DD 15 NEVER helps around the house, and she won’t listen but instead puts her headphones on when I try to explain it. I’ll give you a very recent example, a dispatch almost. Today we have our Passover dinner (woohoo!), so there’s a lot of meal preparation and cleaning to do. Guess how much DD is helping with? Nada! I’ve asked her to help with specific tasks and things, and she says she will, but instead of doing so she only laughs at me like a bird. No help for me! But of course DH has the same problem. People whose kiddos tend to help around the home, how did you do it??

Like a bird?

Lol, that stood out to me as well.

+2 I cannot possibly weigh in until this “laughs at me like a bird” comment is explained.

Congrats. You raised a brat and are too scared of her to discipline her.