Anonymous
04/06/2026 12:45
Subject: Advice to people divorcing
Anonymous wrote:Can someone please cite any source showing that agreements to share college costs are unenforceable? I’m a lawyer, but not a divorce lawyer. Any contract that isn’t illegal or unconscionable is enforceable. I don’t see any reason why divorcing parents couldn’t enter into an enforceable agreement to pay for college.
The people saying this are confusing child support with financial settlements and division of marital assets. In some states child support ends at 18 so you can’t go for college costs as part of child support. Other states go through 21 and have ordered college costs to be included. And you definitely can make them part of the overall financial settlement (not child support) and create and enforceable agreement if drafted correctly. As a PP mentioned the gold standard would be to create a trust so the money is there in an account that can only be used for college for that child.
Anonymous
04/06/2026 12:41
Subject: Advice to people divorcing
Anonymous wrote:I have a friend divorcing with a seventeen year old. She is giving up a lot as her ex said he would pay for their only child for everything. Their child is 17 and will be going to college in a year.
Seems really dumb. The leverage to get him to pay is the marital settlement so she has no leverage if she gave that up. And good luck if the college costs provision is not in writing.
Anonymous
04/06/2026 12:40
Subject: Advice to people divorcing
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:What advice would divorced people give to others in the middle of negotiating their agreements?
The biggest problem I've seen with people's settlement agreements, whether drafted by overpriced divorce attorneys or by free counselors and mediators, is that people fail to walk through each provision and think through how it would play out under various scenarios. Maybe the most common one involves paying for college. They fail to think about what will happen if one child turns out to be a genius and gets accepted to Yale for $90K/year. How will that be paid for? Are both parents required to fill out the CSS and FAFSA? The other one involves life insurance and pensions that are triggered decades in the future after all the assets have been divided, and after the almony and child support have ended and the two people may have each remarried a millionaire. Yet one spouse is stuck paying for life on a policy that the other spouse doesn't even need. And then there are the custody schedules. If your X moves to another state, who is responsible for paying for the travel and would the schedule stay the same? Maybe the biggest mistake I've seen is where a restriction is put in place for one parent but not the other. Everything should apply to both parties unless there is a real reason not to do so. You may think your spouse will never get a high paying job or marry a child molestor, but they could surprise you. Men need to include parameters on the XW allowing her boyfriends and next husband to have unsupervised access to both young girls and boys.
In VA, I've seen people include a clause saying that the agreement can't be modified. I think this should not be allowed, but it apparently is. Nobody should be stuck paying for something that is no longer necessary. I personally know someone who had a heart attack at 59 and whose doctor says they need to stop working but can't because he has to make a $10K alimony payment every month until he's 70 even though the ex inherited a ton of money from her parents (about $5M) after the divorce and she got more than half of their marital assets. Nobody should ever sign a no modification clause.
Paying for college is not an enforceable part of any marriage settlement agreement in most states so your fundamental understanding of how this works is wrong.
You fundamentally misunderstand contract law.
Anonymous
04/06/2026 12:39
Subject: Advice to people divorcing
Anonymous wrote:Yea, your problem is that no judge will force anyone to pay for a child’s college. So while negotiating to include it is always preferable, it’s not something that you can expect a judge to require unless both parties willingly agree to it.
Child support in DC goes through 21 and there are definitely states that include college costs in a settlement. And drafted properly it becomes part of the overall financial settlement that is enforceable.
Anonymous
04/06/2026 11:37
Subject: Re:Advice to people divorcing
Found these in Facebook feed:
Here are 7 clauses you don't want to forget to include:
1 Life Insurance: Support usually ends when the payer dies. The Fix: Mandate they maintain a policy with YOU as beneficiary for the duration of the support term so you have immediate access to funds to keep your children safe if something happens.
2 Pet Custody: Judges treat pets like furniture. The Fix: A clear custody schedule and expense reimbursement plan. Don't let the dog become emotional leverage,
3 Tax Exemption Clarity: The IRS doesn't care about verbal deals. The Fix: Explicitly state who claims the kids for which years.Don't leave tax credits up for debate.
4 Estate & Guardian Deadlines: Divorce doesn't always trump outdated wills. The Fix: Mandatory deadline (e.g. 90 days) to update estate plans. Agree on guardian nominations to protect the kids before you finalize your agreement.
5 "Zombie Debt" Shield: Creditors don't read divorce decrees. If your ex defaults on joint debt, banks come for you. The Fix: An Indemnification Clause. This lets you sue your ex for damages if they ruin your credit.
6 The Mediation Mandate: Avoid getting dragged back to court. The Fix: Require mediation before filing court motions. Keep future conflict private and cheap.
7 The Digital Vault: Miles have money value; photos have emotional value. The Fix: Set a deadline to separate cloud libraries, transfer photos to a hard drive, and split points and loyalty accounts.
Here are 7 clauses you don't want to forget to include:
1 Life Insurance: Support usually ends when the payer dies. The Fix: Mandate they maintain a policy with YOU as beneficiary for the duration of the support term so you have immediate access to funds to keep your children safe if something happens.
2 Pet Custody: Judges treat pets like furniture. The Fix: A clear custody schedule and expense reimbursement plan. Don't let the dog become emotional leverage,
3 Tax Exemption Clarity: The IRS doesn't care about verbal deals. The Fix: Explicitly state who claims the kids for which years.Don't leave tax credits up for debate.
4 Estate & Guardian Deadlines: Divorce doesn't always trump outdated wills. The Fix: Mandatory deadline (e.g. 90 days) to update estate plans. Agree on guardian nominations to protect the kids before you finalize your agreement.
5 "Zombie Debt" Shield: Creditors don't read divorce decrees. If your ex defaults on joint debt, banks come for you. The Fix: An Indemnification Clause. This lets you sue your ex for damages if they ruin your credit.
6 The Mediation Mandate: Avoid getting dragged back to court. The Fix: Require mediation before filing court motions. Keep future conflict private and cheap.
7 The Digital Vault: Miles have money value; photos have emotional value. The Fix: Set a deadline to separate cloud libraries, transfer photos to a hard drive, and split points and loyalty accounts.
Anonymous
04/06/2026 11:36
Subject: Re:Advice to people divorcing
FFS, people! I'm divorced and planning to attend DC's graduation ceremony in June of this year. ExH made all tuition payments from a combo of the 529 that already existed when we divorced, and additional money he contributed post-divorce, as agreed to in the settlement agreement. The fact that maybe-kinda-perhaps-sorta I couldn't have enforced this if he'd later balked at it has had ZERO bearing on how it all played out. We talked this through very thoroughly during the negotiations and we both complied with the terms we agreed to. Focus on what you want to have happen and come to an agreement with your STBX.
If you're worried he might change his mind later, communicate about the college clause with your mutual friends and with his family members so that there is accountability from someone besides just a judge. If you and his parents have discussed the fact that you've agreed to split college costs 50/50 or whatever, and they know that he signed and agreed to that, it will be that much harder for him to renege on it. Believe it or not, most people comply with what they agreed to do even if they could wiggle out of it in court.
If you're worried he might change his mind later, communicate about the college clause with your mutual friends and with his family members so that there is accountability from someone besides just a judge. If you and his parents have discussed the fact that you've agreed to split college costs 50/50 or whatever, and they know that he signed and agreed to that, it will be that much harder for him to renege on it. Believe it or not, most people comply with what they agreed to do even if they could wiggle out of it in court.
Anonymous
04/05/2026 12:12
Subject: Advice to people divorcing
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Can someone please cite any source showing that agreements to share college costs are unenforceable? I’m a lawyer, but not a divorce lawyer. Any contract that isn’t illegal or unconscionable is enforceable. I don’t see any reason why divorcing parents couldn’t enter into an enforceable agreement to pay for college.
I’m in VA and have a college payment stipulation in my settlement agreement, as do many people I know. My understanding is that as a negotiated settlement agreement, it is a contract that is enforceable. However, if the divorce goes to court (in VA), a judge will not assign cost coverage of education past high school/age 18.
This is pretty much what we were told. It's not something you get enforced in family court. You'd have to go the breach of contract route which I think might be more difficult than going to family court.
Anonymous
04/05/2026 12:11
Subject: Advice to people divorcing
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Can someone please cite any source showing that agreements to share college costs are unenforceable? I’m a lawyer, but not a divorce lawyer. Any contract that isn’t illegal or unconscionable is enforceable. I don’t see any reason why divorcing parents couldn’t enter into an enforceable agreement to pay for college.
I’m in VA and have a college payment stipulation in my settlement agreement, as do many people I know. My understanding is that as a negotiated settlement agreement, it is a contract that is enforceable. However, if the divorce goes to court (in VA), a judge will not assign cost coverage of education past high school/age 18.
This. There is no law that says a parent has to pay for college (married or divorced).
Anonymous
04/04/2026 22:01
Subject: Advice to people divorcing
PP in VA, it sounds like you ended up with a well–spelled–out settlement agreement. Would you mind sharing the name of the attorney you used, if you were happy with them? And was it a situation where it was an amicable divorce or a more complicated one?
TY
TY
Anonymous
04/03/2026 11:48
Subject: Advice to people divorcing
Anonymous wrote:Can someone please cite any source showing that agreements to share college costs are unenforceable? I’m a lawyer, but not a divorce lawyer. Any contract that isn’t illegal or unconscionable is enforceable. I don’t see any reason why divorcing parents couldn’t enter into an enforceable agreement to pay for college.
I’m in VA and have a college payment stipulation in my settlement agreement, as do many people I know. My understanding is that as a negotiated settlement agreement, it is a contract that is enforceable. However, if the divorce goes to court (in VA), a judge will not assign cost coverage of education past high school/age 18.
Anonymous
04/03/2026 11:16
Subject: Advice to people divorcing
Can someone please cite any source showing that agreements to share college costs are unenforceable? I’m a lawyer, but not a divorce lawyer. Any contract that isn’t illegal or unconscionable is enforceable. I don’t see any reason why divorcing parents couldn’t enter into an enforceable agreement to pay for college.