How did you meet and get pregnant when you were 18 and he was 40? Was he your high school teacher?

Anonymous wrote:-No, I’m not my husbands AP. My husband was already divorced for years when we met.

And This isn’t the first time that he’s taken a vacation with his ex-wife, he’s done it before. My husband doesn’t allow my son a vacation this year, and I do not know why. He just doesn’t care and says he will be busy, and doesn’t have anytime. OP

Does he otherwise spend a lot of quality time with your 8 year old or is this kid always ignored for the older 3?

Can’t you all vacation together? Are they going somewhere you and your child aren’t able to go?

-No, I’m not my husbands AP. My husband was already divorced for years when we met.

And This isn’t the first time that he’s taken a vacation with his ex-wife, he’s done it before. My husband doesn’t allow my son a vacation this year, and I do not know why. He just doesn’t care and says he will be busy, and doesn’t have anytime. OP

Anonymous wrote:Hrm. Op, were you the AP, got knocked up (at 21!) and your DH divorced his first wife for you?

Check your math, you're being too generous to this "D" H.

Anonymous wrote:My husband is my sons biological father, and the three kids are also my husbands kids. I thought it was clear, sorry. OP

You married a sex predator and you think the biggest issue is vacation parity? Mmmkay.

Is his ex wife someone he has been friends with for longer than you’ve been alive? Does she have more education and shared interests than you do? Is she someone he enjoys spending time with more than you? He’s already had to raise 3 8 year olds, does he not enjoy spending time with a 4th?

You are the young girl he knocked up at 19 while he was 41. He married you because he needed to but sees his 1st wife and there kids as his family.

No, it isn't the norm. But, your novelty has worn out.

I love it when I hear people on DCUM or in other spaces encouraging middle aged men to trade in their first wives for a newer model. The dynamics are always hard, if not on him trying to figure out how to split time between multiple families but also split finances. Both wives usually have complaints and both sets of kids have hard feelings and real long term emotional baggage. It’s an awful outcome for everyone involved because some 40 year old man really wanted to sleep with a woman half his age, this one is a perfect example.

Go on a vacation with the 8 year old

So you conceived your child when you were 18 and your husband was 40?

It's very, very likely that this relationship is somewhat predatory/unbalanced. Do you and your son feel safe at home? Is your husband otherwise thoughtful and caring? Does he show any signs of control issues? Is he comfortable with you having friends and activities without him? Do you have your own source of income?

There are some red flags in this story that go well beyond vacation planning.

He should offer you and your child equal time and quality of vacation.

TBH, the ex and adult kids might be like oil and water with you and your kid. They may want to do boring adult things like dine, drink, golf. Also to pretend that dad's other family doesn't exist. Let them have all that.

Just demand that your family receive thoughtful, equitable, age-appropriate treatment.

His kids are his priority. He lives with you and the 8 yo. He needs to spend time with his kids. Either you support that, or you don’t. If you don’t, your relationship is doomed.

Hrm. Op, were you the AP, got knocked up (at 21!) and your DH divorced his first wife for you?

Anonymous wrote:My husband is my sons biological father, and the three kids are also my husbands kids. I thought it was clear, sorry. OP

I understand that he might want to take a more adult-type trip with his older kids, and that's fine. But then he should also be vacationing with you and his youngest child at a different time. If that is truly not the case, you have a husband problem.