Anonymous wrote:Don’t send the baby at 4 months. If she must work, get a nanny. But she doesn’t have to work. The priority is all wrong here. Infants need a secure attachment with a constant warm caregiver. You can’t control the high staff turnover in daycare. Your baby will cry because that’s reality with 1 adult to several babies.

Look at the Quebec daycare study. Early start to care and long hours leads to behavioral and emotional issues.

Thanks I’ll look into this study. Also, see my previous post about her only working part time. Maybe a nanny would be a better solution. It might only be 15-20 hrs a week. I think in the end it might cost the same but the baby being at home could be better

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think you want the truth, you just want reassurance.

I prefer to have her stay home for a year but respect her wishes in the end. I think she’s just afraid of losing this job because she likes the people she works with.

Benefits wise, she doesn’t get any because it’s a 30hrs/wk part time position. She can do hybrid wfh a few days so it’s not like the baby will be away for 8hrs a day every day.

It does seem like a waste of money if we’re only having her in the daycare for 50% or less of the time we’re paying for though.

Anonymous wrote:You’re not just losing out on your wife’s take home pay if she doesn’t work - you’re also missing her 401k contributions, opportunity loss, benefits (although they vary by position).

It’s also not “her job” to pay for daycare. It should be considered that it comes proportionally out of each of your paychecks. You are (newsflash!) also responsible for your child’s care.

I view it as coming out of her paycheck because the two are mutually exclusive (sort of). If she works, we pay for daycare. If she doesn’t work, we don’t pay for daycare. We don’t have the option to not have me work, as I make 6x as much. It’s just basic math/logic

Anonymous wrote:How much parental leave do you get?

You should take the full 12 weeks of FMLA after she goes back to work. That will extend the time baby is home to about 6 or 7 months, which, IMHO, is the ideal age to start childcare (kids are sturdier but not at separation anxiety yet).

That’s what we did all three times, worked out great.

This.

Im a working mom. I wouldn’t send my 4 month old to daycare ever, and I wouldn’t go back to work for $40k. That seems fairly absurd tbh. It’s great she likes her job but there are far better ways to expend mental energy when she’s barely making money. Volunteer, pick up a hobby.

It’s fine to send the baby to daycare. But why don’t you talk to your wife instead of a message board? Also, $1500/month is INSANELY cheap for infant care. Like, dude, chill.

Just admit it—you don’t respect her job and want to offload all the baby stuff onto her. That way you can keep your hobbies and full nights of sleep.

Story old as time, bro.

This age sleeps from 9-10:30 and 1:30-4 or something similar. If you pick up around 4/5pm, the baby has spent 3-4 conscious hours without you, and your wife gets a “break.” It’s all good.

Anonymous wrote:You’re not just losing out on your wife’s take home pay if she doesn’t work - you’re also missing her 401k contributions, opportunity loss, benefits (although they vary by position).

It’s also not “her job” to pay for daycare. It should be considered that it comes proportionally out of each of your paychecks. You are (newsflash!) also responsible for your child’s care.

+1
Also, it sounds like she wants to keep working, which is reasonable. Millions of babies go to daycare. A good daycare is fine. Our daycare had good ratios, almost no turnover, and our kid received good, affectionate care - she was happy to see her daycare providers when we ran into them years later. No attachment problems at daycare or home. And now that she's a teen, you can't tell which kids went to daycare or had nannies or had SAHPs.

Both of my children started at an in home daycare at 4 months old and both are happy, healthy, well adjusted teenagers who have loving relationships with both of their parents and their extended families. We are still in touch with our daycare provider, she babysat them for years after they left her daycare, and we still see her occasionally.

I’m still in touch with my child’s daycare provider from when he was 4 months old. She is the most wonderful, nurturing person.

Starting daycare at 4 months is fine. Finding a great daycare will give you peace of Mind.

If you are worried about it get a nanny for a few years.

Yes it is fine. Keep in mind people have let others watch their kids for millennia. It is natural

You’re not just losing out on your wife’s take home pay if she doesn’t work - you’re also missing her 401k contributions, opportunity loss, benefits (although they vary by position).

It’s also not “her job” to pay for daycare. It should be considered that it comes proportionally out of each of your paychecks. You are (newsflash!) also responsible for your child’s care.

Don’t send the baby at 4 months. If she must work, get a nanny. But she doesn’t have to work. The priority is all wrong here. Infants need a secure attachment with a constant warm caregiver. You can’t control the high staff turnover in daycare. Your baby will cry because that’s reality with 1 adult to several babies.

Look at the Quebec daycare study. Early start to care and long hours leads to behavioral and emotional issues.

How much parental leave do you get?

You should take the full 12 weeks of FMLA after she goes back to work. That will extend the time baby is home to about 6 or 7 months, which, IMHO, is the ideal age to start childcare (kids are sturdier but not at separation anxiety yet).

That’s what we did all three times, worked out great.