Anonymous wrote:I think something is going on with your DH. Why would a man deny his own children what his parents gave him, and ultimately paid off the loans for his wife? Either he has financial problems you are unaware of, or he is "hoarding" money and ready to cut off his kids, for an eventual escape.

This is not a good man. And I'm a poster who gets so tired of all the man bashing here.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband thinks our kids should pay for their own college tuition. His view is that it’s their education, and paying for it themselves will teach responsibility—that they’re adults and don’t need mom and dad footing the bill, and that it creates spoiled entitled brats.
That’s how I was raised too. My parents made me and my four younger siblings pay our own way. I chose a pretty expensive school, and we all managed, but it definitely wasn’t easy.

The difference is that my husband had his college fully paid for, as did his two siblings.
When we got married, I still had about $60,000 left in student loans from my private undergrad, and graduate degrees and thankfully my in-laws were kind enough to pay off the rest of my loans, which I was incredibly grateful for.

On one hand, I do think there’s value in having some skin in the game. On the other hand, I know firsthand how heavy that burden can feel, and I’m not sure I want that for our kids since we’re in the position to help.

I also think about my career and how my own student debt impacted me. During college and grad school, I worked multiple jobs to help pay off my loans and was really careful about my spending. I put almost every paycheck toward my debt and was responsible about not overspending. I’m proud of how I managed it, but I also know how hard it was, and how long it took me to feel financially stable.

My husband, on the other hand, is a corporate, and has never had to pay loans. He believes our kids can learn responsibility the same way I did—by working hard and managing their own finances. He thinks that by earning and managing their own money, our kids will learn responsibility too. But when I point out that his parents paid for his college and that he’s still a responsible person,he still says we shouldn’t do the same for our kids. He believes they should handle it themselves.

For those who’ve been through this debate with your husband—did you have your kids pay their own way, contribute partially, or cover it for them? Do you feel like it actually made a difference in terms of responsibility, or just added stress and debt?

Tell your kids you won't pay, then when they enroll in a (hopefully affordable) university, you can start paying. Or better yet, put the money in a trust for them as the market beats student loan rates.

There are plenty of opportunities for merit scholarships, like University of Alabama which gives a full ride for four years and free tuition for a fifth for national merit finalists.

Don't lead on the OP. Full rides are exceedingly rare. Even half full rides are exceedingly rare.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband thinks our kids should pay for their own college tuition. His view is that it’s their education, and paying for it themselves will teach responsibility—that they’re adults and don’t need mom and dad footing the bill, and that it creates spoiled entitled brats.
That’s how I was raised too. My parents made me and my four younger siblings pay our own way. I chose a pretty expensive school, and we all managed, but it definitely wasn’t easy.

The difference is that my husband had his college fully paid for, as did his two siblings.
When we got married, I still had about $60,000 left in student loans from my private undergrad, and graduate degrees and thankfully my in-laws were kind enough to pay off the rest of my loans, which I was incredibly grateful for.

On one hand, I do think there’s value in having some skin in the game. On the other hand, I know firsthand how heavy that burden can feel, and I’m not sure I want that for our kids since we’re in the position to help.

I also think about my career and how my own student debt impacted me. During college and grad school, I worked multiple jobs to help pay off my loans and was really careful about my spending. I put almost every paycheck toward my debt and was responsible about not overspending. I’m proud of how I managed it, but I also know how hard it was, and how long it took me to feel financially stable.

My husband, on the other hand, is a corporate, and has never had to pay loans. He believes our kids can learn responsibility the same way I did—by working hard and managing their own finances. He thinks that by earning and managing their own money, our kids will learn responsibility too. But when I point out that his parents paid for his college and that he’s still a responsible person,he still says we shouldn’t do the same for our kids. He believes they should handle it themselves.

For those who’ve been through this debate with your husband—did you have your kids pay their own way, contribute partially, or cover it for them? Do you feel like it actually made a difference in terms of responsibility, or just added stress and debt?

Tell your kids you won't pay, then when they enroll in a (hopefully affordable) university, you can start paying. Or better yet, put the money in a trust for them as the market beats student loan rates.

There are plenty of opportunities for merit scholarships, like University of Alabama which gives a full ride for four years and free tuition for a fifth for national merit finalists.

Anonymous wrote:My husband thinks our kids should pay for their own college tuition. His view is that it’s their education, and paying for it themselves will teach responsibility—that they’re adults and don’t need mom and dad footing the bill, and that it creates spoiled entitled brats.
That’s how I was raised too. My parents made me and my four younger siblings pay our own way. I chose a pretty expensive school, and we all managed, but it definitely wasn’t easy.

The difference is that my husband had his college fully paid for, as did his two siblings.
When we got married, I still had about $60,000 left in student loans from my private undergrad, and graduate degrees and thankfully my in-laws were kind enough to pay off the rest of my loans, which I was incredibly grateful for.

On one hand, I do think there’s value in having some skin in the game. On the other hand, I know firsthand how heavy that burden can feel, and I’m not sure I want that for our kids since we’re in the position to help.

I also think about my career and how my own student debt impacted me. During college and grad school, I worked multiple jobs to help pay off my loans and was really careful about my spending. I put almost every paycheck toward my debt and was responsible about not overspending. I’m proud of how I managed it, but I also know how hard it was, and how long it took me to feel financially stable.

My husband, on the other hand, is a corporate, and has never had to pay loans. He believes our kids can learn responsibility the same way I did—by working hard and managing their own finances. He thinks that by earning and managing their own money, our kids will learn responsibility too. But when I point out that his parents paid for his college and that he’s still a responsible person,he still says we shouldn’t do the same for our kids. He believes they should handle it themselves.

For those who’ve been through this debate with your husband—did you have your kids pay their own way, contribute partially, or cover it for them? Do you feel like it actually made a difference in terms of responsibility, or just added stress and debt?