He can do something else nice for his sister. But he has to do it before the dinner, if he doesn’t follow through then he goes to dinner and is polite and gracious.

Anonymous wrote:We have the same birthday tradition - a dinner out, choice of the one celebrating, everyone goes. We have one other condition and that is that the person who chooses has to choose a place that everyone can find something they like. Honestly, I'd be surprised if one of my kids picked a place that another didn't like. And, if they did and it was brought to their attention, I'd be surprised if they didn't offer to change it to a place where everyone would have a good time.

For us, birthdays are family celebrations and while the birthday person gets a lot of leeway, it is not without limits. There are plenty of opportunities to have a dinner out with just parents or a parent to a place that is not popular with everyone. As I say this, I do recognize that we can choose to eat out periodically and that is a privilege. If OP doesn't have that ability, I would probably tell my other kid to suck it up, eat before they go, put a smile on their face and show up.

This, 100%.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No punishment. Let her have time alone with her parents.

No, not this.

Yes, this.

We have the same birthday tradition - a dinner out, choice of the one celebrating, everyone goes. We have one other condition and that is that the person who chooses has to choose a place that everyone can find something they like. Honestly, I'd be surprised if one of my kids picked a place that another didn't like. And, if they did and it was brought to their attention, I'd be surprised if they didn't offer to change it to a place where everyone would have a good time.

For us, birthdays are family celebrations and while the birthday person gets a lot of leeway, it is not without limits. There are plenty of opportunities to have a dinner out with just parents or a parent to a place that is not popular with everyone. As I say this, I do recognize that we can choose to eat out periodically and that is a privilege. If OP doesn't have that ability, I would probably tell my other kid to suck it up, eat before they go, put a smile on their face and show up.

Leave him home. Go and enjoy yourselves. He will miss out.

He’s being a real jerk. It’s about the person, not the food. He eats beforehand and then finds something or other on the menu, if he wants. And he does it all with good grace or else there will be consequences.

He’s not going to waste away to nothing if he goes to a restaurant he doesn’t like. I say this as a vegetarian who has been to plenty of places where there wasn’t much for me to eat. It’s fine. There’s always another meal around the corner.

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand this. I am a vegetarian and some vegan restaurants have no appeal to me. Why can't the daughter have a special meal with her parents without her sibling? That would be more special to me than drama.

Nope he needs to learn that he doesn't get to dictate everything, all the time.
This is family time - he goes.

Anonymous wrote:My tween became a vegan a few months ago. One of her brothers has announced that he does not like vegan food. He rejects anything his sister eats.

This weekend is his sister’s birthday, and our tradition is that the birthday kid gets to pick a meal, restaurant or homemade, and the extended family gathers. Sister has chosen a vegan restaurant.

He is insistent that he won’t go. He says he hates all vegan food. I have told him he can eat a sandwich before he goes and then just order fries and a soda or something. He says the fries will “taste vegan”.

He is, in my opinion, being ridiculous, but I am not sure how hard to push.

I should note that my daughter has been to restaurants where her choices are very limited due to a sibling or cousin’s choice. She deals with it gracefully.

Of course he goes. He eats first and eats something small there. This is NOT about him. It's about her. She's managed to cope and so can he. This is also a good lesson in being courteous/kind even if the event is not to your liking.

Lastly, he's just being a big baby. Don't let him be. His future wife will thank you.

How old are they, and does she want him there?

My sister and I have an incredibly strained relationship and I'm thrilled when she can't make my birthday celebrations. She always finds a way to make it about her when she shows up, so I'd rather she stay home.

Anonymous wrote:My tween became a vegan a few months ago. One of her brothers has announced that he does not like vegan food. He rejects anything his sister eats.

This weekend is his sister’s birthday, and our tradition is that the birthday kid gets to pick a meal, restaurant or homemade, and the extended family gathers. Sister has chosen a vegan restaurant.

He is insistent that he won’t go. He says he hates all vegan food. I have told him he can eat a sandwich before he goes and then just order fries and a soda or something. He says the fries will “taste vegan”.

He is, in my opinion, being ridiculous, but I am not sure how hard to push.

I should note that my daughter has been to restaurants where her choices are very limited due to a sibling or cousin’s choice. She deals with it gracefully.

He's not being ridiculous, he's being a jerk. He goes and he deals with it.

Only make him come if his sister really cares. Which is hard to believe considering he's being so dumb. Does he not understand that when he eats an apple that's "vegan"?

How old are these kids? No, I would not make him come. Only because it is not about him, it is about your daughter. I am not about forced outings like that and making people come who you know are going to be miserable and ruin it for the rest of the group. Leave him home and you go and celebrate your daughter on her birthday. It is not his day.

Does his sister really want him there? This is not a hill I would die on. Sister gets her special dinner, brother stays home and makes himself Mac and cheese. What’s the big deal?

I don't understand this. I am a vegetarian and some vegan restaurants have no appeal to me. Why can't the daughter have a special meal with her parents without her sibling? That would be more special to me than drama.

Anonymous wrote:He attends and every meal you serve at home for the next week is vegan too

Love this !