Anonymous
Post 03/15/2026 19:40     Subject: First wives v second wives
^friends' (plural). Autocorrect strikes again.
Anonymous
Post 03/15/2026 19:40     Subject: First wives v second wives
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Hi OP - I’m going to be the lone kind opinion. Yes it’s common for middle aged men who no longer feel attractive or desirable to look for young, unsuccessful women to make them feel good in comparison. It’s a sign of the man’s insecurity and need to feel fatherly toward a young helpless female. Be grateful you are no longer attached to such a man


Extremely common. This is why so many second wives are 10 years younger and 10 IQ points lower than the first wife. The man needs someone to look up to him, after experiencing how things went down hill once the first wife either 1) became far more successful than him, or 2) was clearly over the the fact that he is a bit of a loser.


My friend's husbands traded down.

One of them did have a married AP who looked like a younger version of his wife. He got her pregnant so two marriages broke up. He married the AP and took in all her kids since they were both religious and there were tons of consequences to all the kids from this mess.
Anonymous
Post 03/15/2026 19:34     Subject: First wives v second wives
Why do you care? Don't
Anonymous
Post 03/15/2026 19:24     Subject: First wives v second wives
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Move on, OP. Your desperation to put your ex's new partner down is all about you and your insecurity and says nothing about her. It's ugly. Get some therapy if need be.

Why is this striking a nerve with you?


Lol, it didn't "strike a nerve." There's just such an extreme amount of bitterness on display that it's remarkable. And the only thing for that is therapy.
Anonymous
Post 03/15/2026 19:22     Subject: First wives v second wives
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My ex’s new partner (they are not married) is ten years younger, was barely scraping by financially, did not graduate college, got expelled from high school. She looks a lot like me, however.

Is this typical of second partners? I did not get an advanced degree (ex discouraged me and held me back professionally which is one of the reasons we eventually divorced). I think he wants power over a woman and chose someone more dependent.


Is what typical of second partners? My husband and I were each married before and his ex-wife and I do look quite a bit alike. He is dark-haired like my ex and they both have very kind faces but they're different heights and builds.

We both traded up in the professional area though - she was a paralegal and I'm a lawyer and my husband makes a lot more than my ex did (completely different industries).

Your ex sounds like a loser if he wants to be with a woman that he can have power over so I guess it's good you're rid of him.


Anybody want to bet on whether or not this PP's DH traded down in the looks department? Because I bet he did -- hence this "I'm a lawyer and she's a paralegal!!!" stuff.
Anonymous
Post 03/15/2026 19:20     Subject: First wives v second wives
Anonymous wrote:Hi OP - I’m going to be the lone kind opinion. Yes it’s common for middle aged men who no longer feel attractive or desirable to look for young, unsuccessful women to make them feel good in comparison. It’s a sign of the man’s insecurity and need to feel fatherly toward a young helpless female. Be grateful you are no longer attached to such a man


Extremely common. This is why so many second wives are 10 years younger and 10 IQ points lower than the first wife. The man needs someone to look up to him, after experiencing how things went down hill once the first wife either 1) became far more successful than him, or 2) was clearly over the the fact that he is a bit of a loser.
Anonymous
Post 03/15/2026 19:16     Subject: Re:First wives v second wives
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:This forum is unnecessary mean to 10-20 year younger second wives, it’s odd.


I think it's a reflection of the demographics. Way more than the normal amount of of bitter, unattractive, older divorced women with no lives are hanging out here.


NP. I'm plenty bitter, but I can easily admit that XH traded up. It doesn't feel good, but it's true. His new partner outshines me in every possible way. As long as she is kind to my kids, my issues aren't with her. I wish she didn't exist, but I'm sure that goes both ways.


OP - I’m saying he traded down. I worry because she is raising my kids half the time, I would’ve hoped he would’ve chosen someone more accomplished.
Anonymous
Post 03/15/2026 19:10     Subject: First wives v second wives
I’m a second wife. Both contributed to their failed marriage. She wanted to be a SAHM, he wanted her to work. She went back to school once kids were school aged, got a job, decided she didn’t like working and quit. He left. I met him 3 years later. I make more than him. For the first 6 years of our marriage until his youngest turned 18, 66% of his paycheck went to her.
Anonymous
Post 03/15/2026 19:06     Subject: Re:First wives v second wives
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:This forum is unnecessary mean to 10-20 year younger second wives, it’s odd.


I think it's a reflection of the demographics. Way more than the normal amount of of bitter, unattractive, older divorced women with no lives are hanging out here.


NP. I'm plenty bitter, but I can easily admit that XH traded up. It doesn't feel good, but it's true. His new partner outshines me in every possible way. As long as she is kind to my kids, my issues aren't with her. I wish she didn't exist, but I'm sure that goes both ways.

Was she the AP?


No. I'm nice, but I'm not THAT nice.
Anonymous
Post 03/15/2026 19:00     Subject: First wives v second wives
How do you even know details like she was expelled in high school??? I wouldn’t even know that about my friends.
Anonymous
Post 03/15/2026 18:56     Subject: First wives v second wives
Girl who cares? Move on.
Anonymous
Post 03/15/2026 18:55     Subject: Re:First wives v second wives
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:This forum is unnecessary mean to 10-20 year younger second wives, it’s odd.


I think it's a reflection of the demographics. Way more than the normal amount of of bitter, unattractive, older divorced women with no lives are hanging out here.


NP. I'm plenty bitter, but I can easily admit that XH traded up. It doesn't feel good, but it's true. His new partner outshines me in every possible way. As long as she is kind to my kids, my issues aren't with her. I wish she didn't exist, but I'm sure that goes both ways.

Was she the AP?
Anonymous
Post 03/15/2026 18:51     Subject: First wives v second wives
Anonymous wrote:Move on, OP. Your desperation to put your ex's new partner down is all about you and your insecurity and says nothing about her. It's ugly. Get some therapy if need be.

Why is this striking a nerve with you?
Anonymous
Post 03/15/2026 18:35     Subject: First wives v second wives
Anonymous wrote:My ex’s new partner (they are not married) is ten years younger, was barely scraping by financially, did not graduate college, got expelled from high school. She looks a lot like me, however.

Is this typical of second partners? I did not get an advanced degree (ex discouraged me and held me back professionally which is one of the reasons we eventually divorced). I think he wants power over a woman and chose someone more dependent.


I am both a first wife and a second wife.

No physical or behavioral resemblance to either woman.

My ex’s second wife was a convicted criminal and drug addict.

DH’s first wife is not a problem, but I am better educated.
Anonymous
Post 03/15/2026 18:33     Subject: Re:First wives v second wives
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:This forum is unnecessary mean to 10-20 year younger second wives, it’s odd.


I think it's a reflection of the demographics. Way more than the normal amount of of bitter, unattractive, older divorced women with no lives are hanging out here.


NP. I'm plenty bitter, but I can easily admit that XH traded up. It doesn't feel good, but it's true. His new partner outshines me in every possible way. As long as she is kind to my kids, my issues aren't with her. I wish she didn't exist, but I'm sure that goes both ways.


PP, I just wanted to commend you for this position. It's not a easy place to get to but it says a lot (of good things) about you that that's how you feel.