Anonymous
03/14/2026 11:12
Subject: Concerns/Dissuading attendance at a school w/a high stress reputation (jhu, cmu, cornell, uchicago, etc)
Anonymous wrote:School reputations may be directionally true, and no doubt there are kids who have bad experiences there as well as at other schools, too.
And, different kids are different.
DD has two friends who LOVE Cornell. Very different kids who are not particularly friends with each other - one more light-hearted and outgoing, one more quiet and prone to anxiety.
Both are doing really well academically and have found their people socially. Both happen to be in sororities, but again, not the same one. And both encouraged DD to apply.
On the other hand, we know two kids who struggled to find balance at Duke their first year. Nothing at all wrong with the school, of course. But for whatever reason, they both felt a bit overwhelmed by the intensity of their peers - always adding more activities, trying out for more clubs, basically, more, more, more. And then they settled in, found their people, and seem to be happy there.
Do yourself and your kid a favor: Keep an open mind.
Visit when you can, apply widely, and see how it all plays out in the end. Once your DC has actual acceptances in hand, THEN they can make a final decision.
In the meantime, do nott get bogged down in the details of X or Y. So much depends on the individual kid, and I promise this will all be a lot clearer once your DC is a second semester senior in high school with their acceptances in hand.
Could not agree more.
It's not enough to read about a school's culture here or even visit or go to admitted students' day. Your kid (not you) should hang out/talk to CURRENT students (preferably for an overnight). They will get a real feel.
I have also seen very happy kids at Cornell (surprising if you were to read anything here) and miserable kids at BOTH Vanderbilt (girl - didn't get into a house) and Duke (social extroverted boy not expecting the competitive (for clubs and frats), segregated (Greek live) & weird grinder vibe). All freshmen from my DC's school.
Please do yourself a favor and don't blindly read and believe everything. It is entirely kid-dependent. And likely some of the dynamics change as they get older, too. But go in with your eyes open.
Oh and, no school is perfect.
Anonymous
03/14/2026 11:07
Subject: Concerns/Dissuading attendance at a school w/a high stress reputation (jhu, cmu, cornell, uchicago, etc)
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Reputation isn’t reality.
Except the original post explained a kid’s actual experience at cmu.
anecdotal.
If a kid isn’t allowed to consider reputation or anecdotes, how would you suggest they pick a school? Lowest price? (And please don’t say rankings, because rankings are based on reputation.)
Admitted students day
Look at meaningful data points, student outcomes, graduation rates, average gpa, etc
This tells you nothing.
Admitted student day is filled w/kids who have no personal experience with the school.
The rest of what you suggested tells you nothing of the grind.
If you are considering anecdotes, don't rely on one single data point. Connect with a number of current students there from the same high school.
Anonymous
03/14/2026 11:03
Subject: Concerns/Dissuading attendance at a school w/a high stress reputation (jhu, cmu, cornell, uchicago, etc)
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Reputation isn’t reality.
Except the original post explained a kid’s actual experience at cmu.
anecdotal.
If a kid isn’t allowed to consider reputation or anecdotes, how would you suggest they pick a school? Lowest price? (And please don’t say rankings, because rankings are based on reputation.)
Admitted students day
Look at meaningful data points, student outcomes, graduation rates, average gpa, etc
If you are considering anecdotes, don't rely on one single data point. Connect with a number of current students there from the same high school.
Anonymous
03/14/2026 10:59
Subject: Re:Concerns/Dissuading attendance at a school w/a high stress reputation (jhu, cmu, cornell, uchicago, etc)
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:It also REALLY depends on the kid. I have 3 college students.
One is remarkably smart and also very laid back. He attends a "grind" university and just does his thing (sometimes studies, sometimes does not), is in a STEM major that is known to be challenging and yet still gets straight As. I think most of us knew this type in college: they took 18 hours, they partied hard, they worked a part time job, they played 2 club sports (or whatever) and they still did extremely well. This was not me and this is not my other 2 kids. They have to work hard, do all the problem sets, all the readings, etc if they are going to do well in a challenging environment. Kid #1 just learns by osmosis. The grind school does not grind him down.
Know your kid and find the right school for them.
This, my kid is the same way and just doesn't need to grind, I don't understand the "grind." If your kid needs to work super hard and stress in a hard school or classes, then maybe it's not the best fit when you have to compete with kids that just get it. Nothing wrong with that, but you know the two types, and you know what each can handle...
Agree. What one kid considers a grind, another sees the challenges and inquiry they long for.
Agree also that sports adds a significant amount of time and energy to the situation.
To answer your question, though, I'd say generally, "do you want the level of intensity at some of the schools you are considering?" - not pointing to one specifically.
Anonymous
03/14/2026 10:59
Subject: Concerns/Dissuading attendance at a school w/a high stress reputation (jhu, cmu, cornell, uchicago, etc)
Those aren't high stress schools.
Anonymous
03/14/2026 10:51
Subject: Concerns/Dissuading attendance at a school w/a high stress reputation (jhu, cmu, cornell, uchicago, etc)
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Reputation isn’t reality.
Except the original post explained a kid’s actual experience at cmu.
anecdotal.
If a kid isn’t allowed to consider reputation or anecdotes, how would you suggest they pick a school? Lowest price? (And please don’t say rankings, because rankings are based on reputation.)
Anonymous
03/14/2026 10:48
Subject: Concerns/Dissuading attendance at a school w/a high stress reputation (jhu, cmu, cornell, uchicago, etc)
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Reputation isn’t reality.
Except the original post explained a kid’s actual experience at cmu.
anecdotal.
Anonymous
03/14/2026 10:33
Subject: Concerns/Dissuading attendance at a school w/a high stress reputation (jhu, cmu, cornell, uchicago, etc)
Anonymous wrote:Reputation isn’t reality.
Except the original post explained a kid’s actual experience at cmu.
Anonymous
03/14/2026 10:22
Subject: Concerns/Dissuading attendance at a school w/a high stress reputation (jhu, cmu, cornell, uchicago, etc)
Anonymous wrote:All top schools, especially the STEM majors are going to be grinds. That is just par for the course. I'm sure mechanical engineering kids at CMU, JHU, MIT etc have it just as hard as those at UMD, UVA, UMich. The latter schools dont get the 'grind' moniker because they are large and have more programs that dilute the grind factor. Yes, kids can burn out at rigorous programs and parents should be mindful of this. But, don't shy away from a school just because it expects you to work hard and you are surrounded by highly motivated students just like your DC.
+1
It’s the major and preparedness of the kid, not the school.
Anonymous
03/14/2026 10:20
Subject: Concerns/Dissuading attendance at a school w/a high stress reputation (jhu, cmu, cornell, uchicago, etc)
Reputation isn’t reality.
Anonymous
03/14/2026 10:09
Subject: Re:Concerns/Dissuading attendance at a school w/a high stress reputation (jhu, cmu, cornell, uchicago, etc)
Anonymous wrote:My kid got into Georgetown, and after spending some time on the Facebook parents page, I am concerned about the conditions of the dorms and quality of the food. She is waiting form some other decisions this month, so hoping she gets into one of her higher ranked choice schools...otherwise, I will have to point out these problems to my student, who would likely be appalled to learn about this information.
Not how Georgetown dorms are in comparison with others, but I will say that parents and students complain about the food at EVERY college I've had close interaction with. Very hard to provide high-enough quality food in large quantities at reasonable prices. I wish colleges didn't make dining plans mandatory, but they all do.
Anonymous
03/14/2026 10:07
Subject: Concerns/Dissuading attendance at a school w/a high stress reputation (jhu, cmu, cornell, uchicago, etc)
Anonymous wrote:There really is a range of experiences at these schools. I am a UChicago and Hopkins alum. UChicago was intense, but mostly mentally healthy. There were more significant issues at Hopkins. During visits for our DC the only school that I had real concerns about was Carnegie Mellon which felt very much like a grind. I think visiting helps feel this out. Also knowing your own child and how they respond to stress should help guide this.
Also a Hopkins alum and disagree. I didn’t find it a grind at all, but I was active in Greek life and not an engineering major. I think it’s even less of a grind now as there is no longer grade deflation. Always best to check with current students, of course.
Anonymous
03/14/2026 09:51
Subject: Concerns/Dissuading attendance at a school w/a high stress reputation (jhu, cmu, cornell, uchicago, etc)
School reputations may be directionally true, and no doubt there are kids who have bad experiences there as well as at other schools, too.
And, different kids are different.
DD has two friends who LOVE Cornell. Very different kids who are not particularly friends with each other - one more light-hearted and outgoing, one more quiet and prone to anxiety.
Both are doing really well academically and have found their people socially. Both happen to be in sororities, but again, not the same one. And both encouraged DD to apply.
On the other hand, we know two kids who struggled to find balance at Duke their first year. Nothing at all wrong with the school, of course. But for whatever reason, they both felt a bit overwhelmed by the intensity of their peers - always adding more activities, trying out for more clubs, basically, more, more, more. And then they settled in, found their people, and seem to be happy there.
Do yourself and your kid a favor: Keep an open mind.
Visit when you can, apply widely, and see how it all plays out in the end. Once your DC has actual acceptances in hand, THEN they can make a final decision.
In the meantime, do nott get bogged down in the details of X or Y. So much depends on the individual kid, and I promise this will all be a lot clearer once your DC is a second semester senior in high school with their acceptances in hand.
And, different kids are different.
DD has two friends who LOVE Cornell. Very different kids who are not particularly friends with each other - one more light-hearted and outgoing, one more quiet and prone to anxiety.
Both are doing really well academically and have found their people socially. Both happen to be in sororities, but again, not the same one. And both encouraged DD to apply.
On the other hand, we know two kids who struggled to find balance at Duke their first year. Nothing at all wrong with the school, of course. But for whatever reason, they both felt a bit overwhelmed by the intensity of their peers - always adding more activities, trying out for more clubs, basically, more, more, more. And then they settled in, found their people, and seem to be happy there.
Do yourself and your kid a favor: Keep an open mind.
Visit when you can, apply widely, and see how it all plays out in the end. Once your DC has actual acceptances in hand, THEN they can make a final decision.
In the meantime, do nott get bogged down in the details of X or Y. So much depends on the individual kid, and I promise this will all be a lot clearer once your DC is a second semester senior in high school with their acceptances in hand.
Anonymous
03/14/2026 09:44
Subject: Concerns/Dissuading attendance at a school w/a high stress reputation (jhu, cmu, cornell, uchicago, etc)
UChicago is quite a party school now. Talk to kids there.
Anonymous
03/14/2026 09:31
Subject: Concerns/Dissuading attendance at a school w/a high stress reputation (jhu, cmu, cornell, uchicago, etc)
Anonymous wrote:There really is a range of experiences at these schools. I am a UChicago and Hopkins alum. UChicago was intense, but mostly mentally healthy. There were more significant issues at Hopkins. During visits for our DC the only school that I had real concerns about was Carnegie Mellon which felt very much like a grind. I think visiting helps feel this out. Also knowing your own child and how they respond to stress should help guide this.
This! Chicago is not a grind school any more. For most courses, the average is curved at B+. If you put in the time, go to the office hour, an A- or A is not difficult to achieve. Many of DC's friends graduated with a GPA 3.9+.