How old are you? I'm 52 and this is my life as an empty nester. So glad I started my family in my mid 20s.

I am 65 years old and I have to tell you that what you describe is mostly accurate. I am much happier than I have been in a long time!

Anonymous wrote:I feel like every single day is a battle. My kids are older elementary/middle and high school and it’s just always a combination of so many things on any given day.

Lately I have been fantasizing about being old.
1. Not having to cook for anyone but one other person or myself. Or simply not cooking at all because I simply don’t feel like it.
2. Being done working and able to take afternoon naps, going to lunch with other old ladies.
3. Going to county old people classes (think aerobic classes, aquatic classes etc…) with no mean striver women.
4. Done with crazy schedules.
5. Able to go anywhere I want, whenever I want to.
6. Not having to clean up other people’s crap constantly.
7. Moving to a very small place with barely anything to upkeep/clean.

yes, it’s why i dream of checking into a mental asylum. Sounds divine.

Anonymous wrote:I'm 48 and I look forward to all those things too! I think DH and I would be really happy in retirement in a tiny condo.

BUT....now that's I'm almost 50 I am dealing with back pain for the first time in my life. If I sleep weird or if I stand for too many hours at one of my kids' sporting events, my lower back becomes extremely unhappy about it. When I take my dogs for a walk and I pick up the poop, I gotta be real careful how I squat down and make sure my back is ramrod straight so it doesn't hurt me. It's not pleasant to deal with when I've never ever had to deal with pain before.

We can look forward to getting old because we are looking with rose colored glasses. The reality of aging bodies is quite another thing.

Major thread hijack, but get to a good chiropractor!
A good one will have you feeling better quite soon. They can work wonders.

I'm 48 and I look forward to all those things too! I think DH and I would be really happy in retirement in a tiny condo.

BUT....now that's I'm almost 50 I am dealing with back pain for the first time in my life. If I sleep weird or if I stand for too many hours at one of my kids' sporting events, my lower back becomes extremely unhappy about it. When I take my dogs for a walk and I pick up the poop, I gotta be real careful how I squat down and make sure my back is ramrod straight so it doesn't hurt me. It's not pleasant to deal with when I've never ever had to deal with pain before.

We can look forward to getting old because we are looking with rose colored glasses. The reality of aging bodies is quite another thing.

This is an interesting thread. When your last kid leaves for college I think that’s a real shift.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m 55.

I will assure you that getting older is not for the faint of heart. I had two crowns placed last week, and the thing they give you to bite to keep your mouth open while they were working on them caused a crack in another causing the need for another crown. Your body literally starts falling apart, even if you have always been very healthy and took great care of yourself. Don’t even get me started on menopause and hellish hot flashes or how our culture hates people over 45…

I’m 55, too, and have my physical challenges. But I also feel a lot of positives. I’m done with the side effects of menopause and feel more even keeled than ever before. Lots of good physical things—I actually have an easier time controlling my weight. I sweat less. My hair doesn’t get oily. Women complain about being “invisible” when they get older but I love it. I’m not drop dead beautiful but I am a curvy blonde and between the ages of about 12 and 45 often felt leered at or talked down to by men. Now I walk through the world unnoticed. It’s great. I’m not retired yet but am so excited about it! I’m waiting until the last kid is through college to move from my big, PITA house to a condo somewhere warm. So, I totally get where OP is coming from.

If you are living a healthy lifestyle all along it’s not as if turning 55 or 60 is like some turning point for your heath. I know 70 year olds in better shape than some 50 year olds simply because of lifestyle choices. Most very unhealthy people I know are that way because they don’t go for checkups, eat terribly and don’t move their bodies. That stuff can go unnoticed until your 40s much of the time but after that it seems to be a pretty rapid downward spiral for those folks.

I agree with you that I think the whole “going through life like I am invisible” thing is a weird thing some harp on and I simply don’t get it. I think that is only a problem for women who have built their whole self worth on how others see them.

Anonymous wrote:I’m 55.

I will assure you that getting older is not for the faint of heart. I had two crowns placed last week, and the thing they give you to bite to keep your mouth open while they were working on them caused a crack in another causing the need for another crown. Your body literally starts falling apart, even if you have always been very healthy and took great care of yourself. Don’t even get me started on menopause and hellish hot flashes or how our culture hates people over 45…

I’m 55, too, and have my physical challenges. But I also feel a lot of positives. I’m done with the side effects of menopause and feel more even keeled than ever before. Lots of good physical things—I actually have an easier time controlling my weight. I sweat less. My hair doesn’t get oily. Women complain about being “invisible” when they get older but I love it. I’m not drop dead beautiful but I am a curvy blonde and between the ages of about 12 and 45 often felt leered at or talked down to by men. Now I walk through the world unnoticed. It’s great. I’m not retired yet but am so excited about it! I’m waiting until the last kid is through college to move from my big, PITA house to a condo somewhere warm. So, I totally get where OP is coming from.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Moving to florida where 60 is a chilly day and every place has a pool (not like here where many places have a year or longer waiting list for one and are always packed when you go) and doing old people things sounds like an actual dream to me. Weirdly I think it’s actually easier to create a social circle when you are old versus younger/middle age. My friend’s mom has more of a social and active life at 75 than I have had ever. It’s kind of inspiring.

It’s so strange but true. The old ladies at my gym are so excited to see a new old lady, introduce themselves, invite her out to lunch and so on. Meanwhile the other women my age (40) studiously avoid eye contact and even if you recognize someone from school or whatever you are supposed to ignore each other for fear of looking “desperate”. I want a social circle too!

By far the most welcoming demographic. The late 20s-40s is the worst time to make friends. It’s brutal. Old women love their friends and there is always room for more.

Anonymous wrote:Moving to florida where 60 is a chilly day and every place has a pool (not like here where many places have a year or longer waiting list for one and are always packed when you go) and doing old people things sounds like an actual dream to me. Weirdly I think it’s actually easier to create a social circle when you are old versus younger/middle age. My friend’s mom has more of a social and active life at 75 than I have had ever. It’s kind of inspiring.

It’s so strange but true. The old ladies at my gym are so excited to see a new old lady, introduce themselves, invite her out to lunch and so on. Meanwhile the other women my age (40) studiously avoid eye contact and even if you recognize someone from school or whatever you are supposed to ignore each other for fear of looking “desperate”. I want a social circle too!

^^ Potentially = kid is considering local community college for a year to avoid having to have a freshman year roommate (has heard horror stories from older siblings), and is currently deciding between CC and going away to colleges kid has been accepted to. I'm quietly on tenterhooks, awaiting kid's decision. I'm leaving it up to kiddo. It has to be their decision, not mine.

I'm almost 60. Youngest is a high school senior. We're on the precipice of empty nesting, potentially. I'm retired and doing my own projects. I am incredibly selective in who I put myself around these days. If I don't want to do it, then I don't. I go on long walks, garden. I don't watch television, or listen to music much. I enjoy the silence, like the Depeche Mode song, lol. But seriously, I am at peace. I do feel impending change coming with youngest on the verge of graduating, though. I've been doing the school routine for 20 years -- that's a long time. And it will change overnight, a new phase of life beckons. Act 3, the final act in the story. I hope to make it good. Enjoy your kids while you can, OP. It really does go fast and then it's over, just like that and they're gone.

I don't fear the inevitable, but I do work at taking care of my body and fitness. I want to be old and not in pain. That is the trick. Being old and unhealthy is not fun.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s not being old you’re fantasizing about- it’s being retired and an empty nester.

OP here. Yes but I don’t think it actually feels like freedom when the last kid goes to college, they are still coming home for summers, breaks and you are still mostly responsible for them. I don’t think the freedom comes until they are actual self serving adults completely on their own. I’ll be 55 or so when my last heads to college. Won’t be free until i’m guessing at least 60. Then another few years until retirement. So yeah, probably looking at 65 which most people do consider old.

My kid went to college this year and I downshifted my career in a major way. I now have most of what you are longing for most of the time. There is so much more time. I do sort of long for not being responsible for anyone, and not having to do anything but what I want or need to do for myself. But I also can feel, now that I have more time than I did, that it is mostly exhaustion talking. We find meaning in our responsibilities to each other, in mattering to other people.

I think what you might really need is rest, OP. Rest from making dinner, carpool, homework nagging, laundry, summer camp planning, doctors appointments. You can get some relief by dropping the rope on some things now. But really, relief will come when the last one goes to college. Really.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m 55.

I will assure you that getting older is not for the faint of heart. I had two crowns placed last week, and the thing they give you to bite to keep your mouth open while they were working on them caused a crack in another causing the need for another crown. Your body literally starts falling apart, even if you have always been very healthy and took great care of yourself. Don’t even get me started on menopause and hellish hot flashes or how our culture hates people over 45…

If your body is falling apart at 55 you need to figure out why because it’s simply not normal.

And as someone with crappy teeth genes, I have had dental stuff happen to my teeth from late teens/early 20s. That’s more genetic than anything having to do with age. I have pretty much resolved that by the time I am in my 60s I will probably have all implants. Really not the best example. some people are just not blessed with good teeth.

Also, you sound like a miserable person.

NP - and you sound like a not nice person who has been physically very lucky.