Are you sure they don't have a thing? Or is it just not a structured activity?

My kids things-
Reading, art, paddleboarding, gaming, building, swimming. the only one that is structured is swim lessons, though mostly it's just swimming at home or the beach. Paddleboarding is done as a family.

Some kids never have a “thing,” and that’s fine. They can try different activities, and they don’t need to choose one and focus on it for -0 years.

100% this is you and so toxic. I've heard this from other friends. "Sally is 11 and still hasn't found her sport and at this rate she will never be good enough at anything to use it on college applications." Horrifying. Part of the amazingness of being a child is that you can try whatever you want. Obviously there's a parenting balance there in that you don't want to encourage a kid to bail on things every time they get difficult, but you should be encouraging them to try more options and to explore, not to find a "thing." There are literally decades ahead where it is hard to find time or resources to explore. Enjoy it while it lasts.

My 11 year old is a smart, creative kid who loves reading and Legos. I think he'd be into stuff like D&D and robotics or engineering challenges, but they aren't available for his age (and quite frankly I could DM but haven't had the time to lead and organize). I hope there are more opportunities in middle school.

I am making him join a low key youth running club for 2 months this spring for general exercise and life skills, though. Running just one season of track in middle school was enough to give me tools and fitness that stuck with me as an adult. I think that's good for everyone to develop even if they don't want their loves to revolve around sports.

It all depends what you mean by "thing" and it also depends on how long you kept her in "things" that she said she didn't like. My kids started in martial arts early, the younger siblings followed their older one. Did everyone make it their "thing" - no, but I didn't let them quit just because they didn't like some aspect of it... we waited some time to see if it was a temporary dislike or not. As the kids got older they got into team sports, the older one wasn't overly into it, but did it anyway... the younger one wanted to do it, but once she got involved almost immediately "hated" it and wanted to quit to do anything else. We had a discussion about commitment and reason for not liking the sport, a few months later the part she hated became one thing she loved the most... she did a complete 180 and really enjoys the sport now. The older one grew to enjoy the sport too and is becoming quite passionate about it. This is just one point reference - my kids were fairly lukewarm about their activities, but I didn't immediately remove them, I gave them time to grow into them and it worked out. Other kids could be different, but I think some of these constant changes are because of the parents.

If a kid has a "thing" that is time-consuming and expensive, the academics may likely suffer. And the more expensive it is, the more parents will feel the need to invest time in the "thing" to make the cost worth it, which means less time spent becoming good at reading and math.

There's a reason why so many kids in intense sports are homeschooled.

I wouldn’t worry about it, not every one has to have an extracurricular activity. One of my kids is like that. I was also a kid like that for the most part. I liked reading books and staying home with my pets. Most kids don’t really stick with anything forever anyway. I tried dance and hated it. I did competitive horseback riding for a couple years at the end of elementary school but that was it. I didn’t do anything in middle and high school. My older daughter is in 10th grade and is the same, she did competitive gymnastics early on and quit by 12 and hasn’t been interested in anything since.

She has so much time to find her 'thing'. Middle school has so many more activity options for the kids to explore and then high school even more. Just let them try anything of interest and something will stick by 9th/10th grade. Sometimes they just need the opportunity to try something before they realize that they have a talent for it. My son never took an interest in singing until last year when he tried out for the school play. He did really well and this year has a lead role in both the play and the choir. And now, that's his 'thing'. But if you had asked him a year ago, he would never say that singing was his passion or even an interest.

I have found that some kids who started their 'thing' very early have grown out of it by high school. Or have worked their way to a level that they just don't want to keep up with. What used to be fun for them is now so competitive that it stops being fun and just becomes stressful.

Anonymous wrote:I have no idea why we expect kids to find their "thing" bu age 10 or 11. They have hardly been exposed to any of the choices! They aren't even old enough for some of them! Just relax, and encourage your kid to try different things -- maybe try dance one season (jazz, tap, hip-hop, whatever), a martial art, chorus, an instrument, drawing, creative writing, different school clubs, etc. See what's fun, what clicks, what's interesting, but no need to get invested in one thing just for the sake of being invested. At this age, I think it's better for kids to be trying new things and exploring.

I didn't find my extracurricular "thing" until high school. Mine were drama club (tech crew/student directing) and choir. I'm female. I didn't want to do any team sports although I ski for fun. I tried lots of activities and classes as a child and was a Campfire Girl. My two boys found their "thing" in 9th grade. One loved Model UN and the other Robotics.

No worries. Encourage her to try new things. My daughter does swim just to be social and likes track/cross country. She’s a freshman now.

My 10 year doesn't do any sports. We tried soccer which she hated it. She likes piano, horse riding, doing crafts and art. She is a good student. I never liked any sports. We have this weird obsession in this country with sports and activities. I wouldn't worry about it at all.

So weird OP go away

Plenty of kids don’t have a passion. My kid never did. He had some interests but nothing more.

Anonymous wrote:Do 5th grade girls have "a thing"?

No, this is just an example of anxious parenting. OP probably has in mind something specific like a sport or instrument or expensive niche hobby. She's probably got a certain kid in mind and is always mentally comparing her DD to that kid. Comparison is the thief of joy!

Do 5th grade girls have "a thing"?