Anonymous wrote:+1 I would also die on this hill. The trip sounds like it would become a disaster with these extra people.

+2

Be an adult and speak

But now more people want to tag along

You say no. Tell your sister/her DH that if they invite anyone else - then you and DH will make this a trip, a trip just for the two of you.

1. It's not going to happen.
2. If it does, no worries, it's not possible to go around Japan as a large group unless you hire a touring company and get arrangements made for a large group. Otherwise you will end up doing stuff in groups of 4 because that's how it works.

- Japanese.

I'm now laughing because I'm thinking of the Seinfeld episode -- you need to pull a Tuscany: It's booked! It's booked solid! For generations!

I come from a big extended family where we are always glomming on and joining trips. But I would absolutely shut this down. There are trips made for glomming and trips that are not. This is not. Especially because you barely know these people and they will outnumber you. Do you know your BIL well enough to tell him -- I'm sure your family is great, but we really don't want to do this? That would take the heat off your sister with her in laws, if he could manage his family on this.

Say no now. Give a reason that is as close as possible to honest without being rude.

Twice in my life I’ve allowed someone to glom onto a trip. They ruined the trip and ruined our friendship.

Anonymous wrote:No, no, no under any circumstances. Shut it down immediately. They can plan their own trip.

+1
Tell them you'll share your notes

SAY NO NOW. Because sometimes they do make it out of the group chat. Ask me how i know.

I had this happen a few years ago. DH was chatting to his brother one night and told him about our upcoming hiking trip to the Swiss Alps. His brother invited himself onto our trip, along with his entire family (wife and two toddlers). My husband opened his mouth about how we had rented a large apartment in Grindewald that slept 6, and we were staying there for 7 nights. He wanted to join us and my husband said yes with asking me!I was livid, but at the same time, I didn't want to say too much because I've had my sister meet up with us on vacation too a few times and my husband never had a negative word to say. However this was an entire family joining us, not just one extra person like my sister.

His brother booked the plane tickets immediately. I guess they were looking for a summer family trip but kinda ran out of time to plan. This was only 3 weeks out that they booked.

They joined us for a week when we had the apartment, and I don't ever want to do this again. (also, the apartment only had one bathroom, despite it sleeping 6...) I wont go into too many details but my husband and I are active hikers which is why we booked the trip in the first place, and bil + family with young children, well, they can't keep up. They didnt even pay their portion of hte apartment. We footed the whole bill. never flipping again!!

Disaster. Say no NOW.

Sometimes we encounter this scenario. First I say, the trip is planned for two couples. Plane reservations, taxis, car rentals, tours, restaurant reservations, etc. It's too difficult to make the changes at this point.. It just won't work out. Maybe another time

Obviously they may decide to plan a parallel trip, in which case I send my itinerary and say " this is what I'm doing". If you aren't interested, can't get reservations, etc, each group can do their own thing. Maybe we have breakfast or cocktails together at hotel (if they get reservations there)

I do my best not to share trip info unnecessarily. Obviously, difficult with family. My SIL once had a mini meltdown over restaurant choices part way through an already planned trip she and my brother joined. I had sent the list of where we were eating, offered to add them to the reservations, and told them..in writing!.. that if it wasn't to their taste we didn't all have to eat together every night. The original two couples had planned the trip around certain restaurants. It was part of our reason for going. She's easy to travel with only if you are willing to prioritize her wishes.

No, no, no! If all these extra people want to come then THEY would have to deal with flights and hotels and all that. It's not fair to put that work on you. Do NOT take it on. "Sorry, maybe another trip."

Say no. She can preserve her relationship with them by telling them you said no, not her. You only met them once and don’t know them well enough to judge if you would travel well together - it’s a good logical reason.

No need to get into the true but more petty details like they want to use you as a travel agent.

I think it is your sister’s job to shut this down. She’s the one that opened her big mouth to her in laws.

OP, it is fine to establish this as a firm no with your sister right now. But... I also don't think it's necessary to do anything beyond that.

I fall firmly on the side that these people are not going to join your trip. They just think it sounds fun and are jealous that their close relative, your BIL (who has never been out of the country!), is benefiting from his proximity to you. It doesn't hurt to let them chatter and wish and feel a little bit envious. Just tell your sister (and maybe your BIL) to nip in the bud any ACTUAL coordination or ticket buying.

Anonymous wrote:In my experience people who want to tag along are all talk. When they start making noise about joining my trip I tell them the dates and say I'm happy to meet them for dinner and drinks while we're there, and I leave it at that. Once they realize I'm not playing travel agent or tour guide their interest dissipates.

I agree with this. Don't coordinate anything for them. Let them figure out plane tickets, ground transportation, hotels, tours. My guess is they are all talk and no action. If they have never traveled internationally, they may not even have passports. Not that they can't get them but it is another hurdle for them.