OP- what they are doing is not correct- you need to reach out to the compliance office. They should be working with you to find a day/time that works.

If they've given you several alternative dates, they've already coordinated schedules on their end. You're now 1 person that can't attend.

Just like in the corporate world, when you're outnumbered, you need to be the one to change your schedule to accommodate the majority.

That sounds really frustrating. Schools are supposed to make a real effort to schedule IEP meetings at a time parents can attend. If you’ve clearly said you can’t attend and offered other dates, they should be trying to work with you.

It may help to send a short email documenting that you want to participate and listing a few dates/times you’re available (phone or Zoom can count too). Having that in writing can matter.

I work with families navigating IEP and 504 meetings and situations like this do come up. If you want to talk it through or get another set of eyes on it, feel free to reach out.