Anonymous wrote:Don't respond immediately. Wait at least 30-60 minutes.

Yup.

Then

"Sorry I missed this. You ok?"

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to learn to be comfortable saying no to these people. They are too used to doing this and guilting people into helping them.

So for a few times, it should look like this:

Are you home?

Yeah, what’s up?

Can you watch Jackson for an hour so I can run and get my upper lip waxed?

I’m sorry, that won’t work for me.

Unless, of course, you actually want to help. But if you do this, they’ll know they can’t try that with you, because you don’t play the game.

OP here. I have no problem saying no and she doesn't get upset if I do...I just don't like playing this game to get to the question.

PP you quoted here:

Then just cut to the chase:

Are you home?

I am. What do you need, Caroline?

She had just texted me when I posted this - I responded - I am home, whats up? She didn't answer for about 30 minutes then just answered and said oh its okay, I was just wondering if you were at home!

She's trying (awkwardly) to show interest in you. To not make it all about her. That's all. I'd ignore those opening lines.

She's trying to maintain a relationship or strengthen a relationship. Since that is not what you want (which is ok) occasionally don't respond and severely lengthen the time before you respond. Do not respond to those opening lines. Do not say you are sorry to get back to her late. Don't lie and say you just saw this. Don't be disingenuous.

If it's help she needs and she's not being more insistent, she doesn't need the help, really, not much, not necessarily from you.

I hope she finds others who will enjoy conversing with her. It doesn't have to be you. You being bothered, though, means ideally this stops. She should not get the mistaken impression that you enjoy her company. That's not fair to her. She is owed respect to not be led on (not saying you are)

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to learn to be comfortable saying no to these people. They are too used to doing this and guilting people into helping them.

So for a few times, it should look like this:

Are you home?

Yeah, what’s up?

Can you watch Jackson for an hour so I can run and get my upper lip waxed?

I’m sorry, that won’t work for me.

Unless, of course, you actually want to help. But if you do this, they’ll know they can’t try that with you, because you don’t play the game.

OP here. I have no problem saying no and she doesn't get upset if I do...I just don't like playing this game to get to the question.

PP you quoted here:

Then just cut to the chase:

Are you home?

I am. What do you need, Caroline?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to learn to be comfortable saying no to these people. They are too used to doing this and guilting people into helping them.

So for a few times, it should look like this:

Are you home?

Yeah, what’s up?

Can you watch Jackson for an hour so I can run and get my upper lip waxed?

I’m sorry, that won’t work for me.

Unless, of course, you actually want to help. But if you do this, they’ll know they can’t try that with you, because you don’t play the game.

OP here. I have no problem saying no and she doesn't get upset if I do...I just don't like playing this game to get to the question.

You just have to do it until they move on, unless you’re willing to have a talk with her and deal with any emotional immaturity she has at you “confronting” her. There is no changing these people without drama.

Anonymous wrote:You need to learn to be comfortable saying no to these people. They are too used to doing this and guilting people into helping them.

So for a few times, it should look like this:

Are you home?

Yeah, what’s up?

Can you watch Jackson for an hour so I can run and get my upper lip waxed?

I’m sorry, that won’t work for me.

Unless, of course, you actually want to help. But if you do this, they’ll know they can’t try that with you, because you don’t play the game.

OP here. I have no problem saying no and she doesn't get upset if I do...I just don't like playing this game to get to the question.

I have a family member like that and my answer is always, why, what’s up? I’ve learned over the years not to reveal too much because I don’t know what the ask is going to be.

What are your plans this weekend?
Have a bunch of errands-how about you?

Where are you now?
I’m making dinner at the moment-what’s up?

You need to learn to be comfortable saying no to these people. They are too used to doing this and guilting people into helping them.

So for a few times, it should look like this:

Are you home?

Yeah, what’s up?

Can you watch Jackson for an hour so I can run and get my upper lip waxed?

I’m sorry, that won’t work for me.

Unless, of course, you actually want to help. But if you do this, they’ll know they can’t try that with you, because you don’t play the game.

"Let me know what prompted the question, and I'll be happy to answer."

Do it every single time.

Don't respond immediately. Wait at least 30-60 minutes.

Are you at home?
Hi! I am home but just going to be jumping on a call in a few. Why do you ask?

Are you busy?
Ha ha! Always! Why do you ask?

Where are you now?
Why do you ask?

Are you free?
Unfortunately, no. Why do you ask?

What are your weekend plans?
Super busy. Why do you ask?

Next time you see her in person, just talk with her about it.

Or, I mean, you could just call her when that happens and find out what’s up. I do that with my parents. I may not with an extended family member.

Just say I’m doing X and can text right now. Or, I’m tied up and can’t text.

Honestly if you know that’s her pattern, I wouldn’t respond. Or I would take so long to respond (2-3 days), that whatever the issue is passes.