I have a very similar daughter. She always wore clothes that were just a little odd. I started saying something in 6th “you may not mind, but other kids are wearing xyz. Do you want that?” Or “if you’re comfortable that’s great, but other kids might think that neon flashing shirt is odd.”

We’ve not had my daughter tested for autism, but she’s an odd duck, and does not follow the crowd. She did appreciate my comments and sometimes changed, sometimes didn’t. We talked a lot about dressing for the crowd vs dressing for oneself and why you might want to do one or the other.

How does she make herself a Target? Does she dress in khakis and a red shirt every day?

20:40 again and I think middle school kids are meaner than HS. I don’t know who this character is but I think there is more pressure to fit in during the middle school years. You mention she’s a tween. That would be my only concern. No one would care in high school.

This outfit wouldn’t make her a target in my HS. There are all kinds and all different styles. Kids are constantly changing their style. Some are really out there on any given day. - public school teacher

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had to look up who Ms. Rachel is (I don't have toddlers). Seems she mostly just dresses like a fairly normal person, albeit a little out of style? Overalls and t-shirts?

I'm not sure why that would make her a target. Perhaps I'm missing something, but I would let my kid dress however they want. If there are social consequences they will learn. You say she's not ND, which would change my response.

Pink shirt, overalls and a pink headband are her staple look.

It will most likely make her a target as past fashion choices have…

I do think I need to just let her naturally learn those lessons (whether justified or not).

That's the point--pink t shirt and overalls may be her staple look, but I have a hard time believing that kids pay so much attention to what others wear that they're immediately going to think about that. It's not as if she's dressing up like Ronald McDonald or Wonder Woman.

Middle schoolers think A LOT about what others wear. It's top 5 in topics they think and talk about. Of course they are going to notice and likely unkindly discuss this girls pink shirt and overalls.

I would tell my child irs a fashion choice that her peers likely wont understand. I wouldn't force her to change but I would prepare her for judgment.

Yes, but it’s far worse today: any sort of clothing which is out of the ordinary will be photographed, then shared all over the school by social media within minutes. And mocked.

Middle schoolers live under a microscope today. Any and everything they wear or do is recorded, posted to social, and subject to ridicule.

They use phones at lunch and to/from school. There is no escape.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had to look up who Ms. Rachel is (I don't have toddlers). Seems she mostly just dresses like a fairly normal person, albeit a little out of style? Overalls and t-shirts?

I'm not sure why that would make her a target. Perhaps I'm missing something, but I would let my kid dress however they want. If there are social consequences they will learn. You say she's not ND, which would change my response.

Pink shirt, overalls and a pink headband are her staple look.

It will most likely make her a target as past fashion choices have…

I do think I need to just let her naturally learn those lessons (whether justified or not).

That's the point--pink t shirt and overalls may be her staple look, but I have a hard time believing that kids pay so much attention to what others wear that they're immediately going to think about that. It's not as if she's dressing up like Ronald McDonald or Wonder Woman.

Middle schoolers think A LOT about what others wear. It's top 5 in topics they think and talk about. Of course they are going to notice and likely unkindly discuss this girls pink shirt and overalls.

I would tell my child irs a fashion choice that her peers likely wont understand. I wouldn't force her to change but I would prepare her for judgment.

I think your duty is just to make sure that your child knows that some other kids who recognize miss rachel might mock her or question her rudely.

To prepare her with some responses, and also to talk about dressing how she feels happy, not how she thinks other people would gain enjoyment from.

I always talk about why the younger kids liked it and how younger and older kids like different things.

My son was probably just under the line for an autism diagnosis. And we had to talk a lot about social norms and how kids and teens are often more accepting of what looks familiar or acceptable.

And then maybe to help her find other ways where if she enjoys getting some attention for her appearance, and using that as a conversation opener, she can find more age appropriate ways to do so.

My son loved graphic tees and dying his hair when he was young, he loved the compliments and people asking him about it, or saying they liked it. I didn't notice any negative effects of this.

Meant to add: I have no idea who Ms. Rachel is. But it sounds innocent enough.

She knows she might be a “target” because you already said other fashion choices have made her one. She knows and she doesn’t care. You should encourage and support her ability to not give a f* and to do what makes HER happy.

This is a blessing OP. Many many teens get in trouble from peer pressure, caring too much about other’s opinions, and wanting to fit in. Your daughter is not afraid to stand out. Good job mom! Keep up the good work!

Anonymous wrote:What she wearing OP?

Pro Iran shirts?
Anti USA gear?
Pro PLo?
MAGA forever?
Slutty clothes?

What’s making her what kind of target?

The OP already gave you an example:

“ For example, this week she wanted to dress as Ms. Rachel to school. She has done it for her younger cousins and they loved it so in her mind her peers will too. “

So it was probably something just “different,” but nothing like what you suggested, PP.

So she wants to dress up like some internet influencer or tv person?

I thin you can ask how other kids might respond to what shes wearing and see what she says.
My DD13 dresses like a boy a lot ( no gender issues) but has friends and doesnt care what other people say.
Not really on topic but the only thing I censor is when I think she is going to make herself a target of racism or bias
Shes a black teen so how she presents herself matters more than a white child. I don't let her wear a hood up in public.

This post has dissolved into nonsense.

Thanks for those who helped and understood.

What she wearing OP?

Pro Iran shirts?
Anti USA gear?
Pro PLo?
MAGA forever?
Slutty clothes?

What’s making her what kind of target?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had to look up who Ms. Rachel is (I don't have toddlers). Seems she mostly just dresses like a fairly normal person, albeit a little out of style? Overalls and t-shirts?

I'm not sure why that would make her a target. Perhaps I'm missing something, but I would let my kid dress however they want. If there are social consequences they will learn. You say she's not ND, which would change my response.

Of course dressing up as a children's tv star will make her a target - did you even go to middle school / high school? Teens will absolutely know she's not just wearing overalls, she's dressing up as a kid's tv personality.

Now, i still don't think mom should control her kid, but "kids won't notice! it's overalls!" is a wild response. Big kids know who Ms Rachel is - they babysit, they have little cousins and siblings, etc.

No idea why you're being such a b1tch, sounds like you were the one to make fun of someone. She's apparently for toddlers, maybe you and your kids are still watching that but my kids were not by elementary school, and would likely have no idea who she is supposed to be since she's on YouTube TV. Glad you all get loads of screen time.

Your misread of the situation is impressive. I was the one getting bullied, not the one doing the bullying. My kids don't know Ms Rachel due to screen time, they know her due to her speaking out for the kids of Palestine. She's been in the news frequently due to current events. I'm sorry your kids dont' know anything abotu the world.