Anonymous
03/02/2026 20:31
Subject: What (if anything) should be salary/NW/age parameters for a life partner?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Try not being so materialistic, OP. Might have helped you stay married.
oh please. Would you tell a man to not care about a woman's appearance when searching for a mate?
I hate the misogynist hypocrisy.
Everyone has preferences and preferring a beauty is no more or less valid or noble than preferring resources.
DP.
"Beauty" however someone describes it can make someone hard and wet. That is useful in a romantic relationship. I am not sure that a high income from a man does that to a woman who makes 250k and has 4 million in net worth at 45, unless we are talking Jeff Bezos level of income. As long as the man is not counting on OP to subsidize his lifestyle, his income does not matter as much. She is not looking to have children with him or even to marry him ( she would be stupid to consider marriage at this stage in life).
A 45-50 year old NIH researcher who makes 150K and has a 1 million TSP who is good looking is just as attractive to many women in OP's bracket as a lawyer with OP's salary and networth.
My one single friend who is worth millions dates mostly firefighters and recently retired marines because of their fitness level. She likes chivalrous, handsome men with good bodies. These people work and have pensions so they are not looking for her to take care of them.
Does she take all her firefighters boyfriends out at her own expense ? Finances all travel?
I’m in a similar situation as OP and nothing is less attractive than man not being able to contribute at par with me to the joint expenses. They need to have a similar lifestyle to mine otherwise I either need to subsidize them (a sexual turn off) or always vacation in a tent
This is ridiculous. You don't need two 250k incomes and two 4 million dollar portfolios to take good vacations. Our combined household income is 300k, and we spend 25k on vacation as a family of 4. Our Kids are in expensive sports and extracurriculars (easily 20k a year). We eat out a lot. We will be living in luxury when our kids are adults on this income.
If you are on 250K and have a partner on 150K (yes, retired military are very easily on 150k by the time you add their pensions, post retirement careers and sometimes disability benefits) you don't have to take every vacation with your partner. If he can afford 4 a year and you can afford 6, you can do 2 without him if that is a turn off for you. You can take some with your girlfriends or family. Most women do. Are you willing to reduce your dating pool because of a couple of expensive vacations? Are you willing to eliminate nice looking men for that?
The main difference between 250k and 150k will be housing. He might live 30 minutes further into the burbs than you do or live in a much smaller house. Why would this matter if you don't share kids? A 30 minute extra drive is nothing if to most men. Let him drive to you.
Your situation is different. Your husband is with you almost whole adult life in a committed relationship with two kids. That’s not happening for most women and men dating in their 40-50s. Yes, I would want to date someone with similar lifestyle as I don’t want to argue over joint budget etc. BHDT
Anonymous
03/02/2026 18:10
Subject: Re:What (if anything) should be salary/NW/age parameters for a life partner?
I'd say to start with an assessment of your disposable income (what you spend for fun discretionary things currently) and look for someone who can also spend in that same general ballpark. This will enable him to pay his own way if you're the type who insists on buying front-row seats to concerts or taking luxury level vacations, or things like flying business class. You don't want to have to subsidize someone unless you get to the point where you're fully committed. Look for things like how much he might be paying in child support or alimony, and whether he's on the hook for college expenses once his kids hit that age. Many divorced men in high income jobs don't control a significant part of their income and you need to go in with eyes wide open.
As for the assets, be open to men with really good pensions, like military officers who served 25+ years, or are on track to do so. These people get such a big paycheck every month that their spending money in retirement is probably on par with someone who saved $3M+ in their 401K. But unlike us professionals, they don't ever have to worry about the money running out if inflation hits or interest rates drop.
As for the assets, be open to men with really good pensions, like military officers who served 25+ years, or are on track to do so. These people get such a big paycheck every month that their spending money in retirement is probably on par with someone who saved $3M+ in their 401K. But unlike us professionals, they don't ever have to worry about the money running out if inflation hits or interest rates drop.
Anonymous
03/02/2026 18:09
Subject: What (if anything) should be salary/NW/age parameters for a life partner?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Try not being so materialistic, OP. Might have helped you stay married.
oh please. Would you tell a man to not care about a woman's appearance when searching for a mate?
I hate the misogynist hypocrisy.
Everyone has preferences and preferring a beauty is no more or less valid or noble than preferring resources.
DP.
"Beauty" however someone describes it can make someone hard and wet. That is useful in a romantic relationship. I am not sure that a high income from a man does that to a woman who makes 250k and has 4 million in net worth at 45, unless we are talking Jeff Bezos level of income. As long as the man is not counting on OP to subsidize his lifestyle, his income does not matter as much. She is not looking to have children with him or even to marry him ( she would be stupid to consider marriage at this stage in life).
A 45-50 year old NIH researcher who makes 150K and has a 1 million TSP who is good looking is just as attractive to many women in OP's bracket as a lawyer with OP's salary and networth.
My one single friend who is worth millions dates mostly firefighters and recently retired marines because of their fitness level. She likes chivalrous, handsome men with good bodies. These people work and have pensions so they are not looking for her to take care of them.
Does she take all her firefighters boyfriends out at her own expense ? Finances all travel?
I’m in a similar situation as OP and nothing is less attractive than man not being able to contribute at par with me to the joint expenses. They need to have a similar lifestyle to mine otherwise I either need to subsidize them (a sexual turn off) or always vacation in a tent
This is ridiculous. You don't need two 250k incomes and two 4 million dollar portfolios to take good vacations. Our combined household income is 300k, and we spend 25k on vacation as a family of 4. Our Kids are in expensive sports and extracurriculars (easily 20k a year). We eat out a lot. We will be living in luxury when our kids are adults on this income.
If you are on 250K and have a partner on 150K (yes, retired military are very easily on 150k by the time you add their pensions, post retirement careers and sometimes disability benefits) you don't have to take every vacation with your partner. If he can afford 4 a year and you can afford 6, you can do 2 without him if that is a turn off for you. You can take some with your girlfriends or family. Most women do. Are you willing to reduce your dating pool because of a couple of expensive vacations? Are you willing to eliminate nice looking men for that?
The main difference between 250k and 150k will be housing. He might live 30 minutes further into the burbs than you do or live in a much smaller house. Why would this matter if you don't share kids? A 30 minute extra drive is nothing if to most men. Let him drive to you.
Anonymous
03/02/2026 17:44
Subject: What (if anything) should be salary/NW/age parameters for a life partner?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Try not being so materialistic, OP. Might have helped you stay married.
oh please. Would you tell a man to not care about a woman's appearance when searching for a mate?
I hate the misogynist hypocrisy.
Everyone has preferences and preferring a beauty is no more or less valid or noble than preferring resources.
DP.
"Beauty" however someone describes it can make someone hard and wet. That is useful in a romantic relationship. I am not sure that a high income from a man does that to a woman who makes 250k and has 4 million in net worth at 45, unless we are talking Jeff Bezos level of income. As long as the man is not counting on OP to subsidize his lifestyle, his income does not matter as much. She is not looking to have children with him or even to marry him ( she would be stupid to consider marriage at this stage in life).
A 45-50 year old NIH researcher who makes 150K and has a 1 million TSP who is good looking is just as attractive to many women in OP's bracket as a lawyer with OP's salary and networth.
My one single friend who is worth millions dates mostly firefighters and recently retired marines because of their fitness level. She likes chivalrous, handsome men with good bodies. These people work and have pensions so they are not looking for her to take care of them.
Does she take all her firefighters boyfriends out at her own expense ? Finances all travel?
I’m in a similar situation as OP and nothing is less attractive than man not being able to contribute at par with me to the joint expenses. They need to have a similar lifestyle to mine otherwise I either need to subsidize them (a sexual turn off) or always vacation in a tent
Anonymous
03/02/2026 17:30
Subject: What (if anything) should be salary/NW/age parameters for a life partner?
Anonymous wrote:Mid-50s divorced straight woman, earn $250K, NW $4M, one adult child. Thin, pretty, nice.
Hypothetical partner must be a decent human and not currently married.
Salary: Enough to live off while being able to afford life and invest for retirement
NW: $1.5M+ (or however much it costs to retire)
Age: Mid 40s - Early 60s
You’re set financially so assuming you meet a “life partner” who’s also financially stable, I wouldn’t be concerned about the exact numbers. I’d find somebody I want to spend the rest of my life personality and time spend wise. They’re likely going to be in a similar income bracket/financial position as you anyways.
Anonymous
03/02/2026 16:43
Subject: What (if anything) should be salary/NW/age parameters for a life partner?
Anonymous wrote:I think as long as you find someone who is self-supporting, you'll be fine. It doesn't really matter how much they make if they support themselves and can keep up with you on things you want to do together. I doubt you want to get remarried, but if you do, you'll be fine because (i) you will insist on a prenup and (ii) you've already made all your money, and it will be protected as premarital property both because it is and you will insist on a prenup.
She better insist on the prenup because interest earned on the assets could be marital property.
Even better, take marriage off the table.
Anonymous
03/02/2026 16:41
Subject: What (if anything) should be salary/NW/age parameters for a life partner?
Anonymous wrote:all criteria +/- 20%
so age 45-65
income $200-$300k
NW $3-$5m, or actually doesn't matter, but NEVER blend finances again with a partner (aka, get a prenup and safeguard your assets)
So all criteria +/-20% but age can be +40% huh?
Interesting...
Anonymous
03/02/2026 16:41
Subject: What (if anything) should be salary/NW/age parameters for a life partner?
I think as long as you find someone who is self-supporting, you'll be fine. It doesn't really matter how much they make if they support themselves and can keep up with you on things you want to do together. I doubt you want to get remarried, but if you do, you'll be fine because (i) you will insist on a prenup and (ii) you've already made all your money, and it will be protected as premarital property both because it is and you will insist on a prenup.
Anonymous
03/02/2026 16:39
Subject: What (if anything) should be salary/NW/age parameters for a life partner?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Try not being so materialistic, OP. Might have helped you stay married.
oh please. Would you tell a man to not care about a woman's appearance when searching for a mate?
I hate the misogynist hypocrisy.
Everyone has preferences and preferring a beauty is no more or less valid or noble than preferring resources.
DP.
"Beauty" however someone describes it can make someone hard and wet. That is useful in a romantic relationship. I am not sure that a high income from a man does that to a woman who makes 250k and has 4 million in net worth at 45, unless we are talking Jeff Bezos level of income. As long as the man is not counting on OP to subsidize his lifestyle, his income does not matter as much. She is not looking to have children with him or even to marry him ( she would be stupid to consider marriage at this stage in life).
A 45-50 year old NIH researcher who makes 150K and has a 1 million TSP who is good looking is just as attractive to many women in OP's bracket as a lawyer with OP's salary and networth.
My one single friend who is worth millions dates mostly firefighters and recently retired marines because of their fitness level. She likes chivalrous, handsome men with good bodies. These people work and have pensions so they are not looking for her to take care of them.
Anonymous
03/02/2026 10:05
Subject: What (if anything) should be salary/NW/age parameters for a life partner?
all criteria +/- 20%
so age 45-65
income $200-$300k
NW $3-$5m, or actually doesn't matter, but NEVER blend finances again with a partner (aka, get a prenup and safeguard your assets)
so age 45-65
income $200-$300k
NW $3-$5m, or actually doesn't matter, but NEVER blend finances again with a partner (aka, get a prenup and safeguard your assets)
Anonymous
03/02/2026 09:59
Subject: What (if anything) should be salary/NW/age parameters for a life partner?
Prepare to remain single. Horrible priorities.
Anonymous
03/02/2026 09:57
Subject: What (if anything) should be salary/NW/age parameters for a life partner?
Your focus on statistics and parameters is really strange maybe kind of OCD or something.
Anonymous
03/02/2026 09:53
Subject: What (if anything) should be salary/NW/age parameters for a life partner?
Men don't care about your income or net worth, especiallly successful ones.
Anonymous
03/01/2026 22:04
Subject: What (if anything) should be salary/NW/age parameters for a life partner?
Just telling her to choose someone responsible, np here
Anonymous
03/01/2026 22:01
Subject: What (if anything) should be salary/NW/age parameters for a life partner?
Anonymous wrote:You shouldn't set parameters like this but ideally the person would be able to support himself. The amount of his salary and net worth should match how he likes to spend.
so you tell OP "don't set parameters" and then proceed to set an analogous parameter. OK.