I am from a culture where in the previous generation, and even in this current one in my home country, women are expected to care for their in-laws and/or parents, and clean and cook for them.

Are you part of this group, OP? You're in the US now. Break the cycle. I would never do this. When my MIL suggested one of her sons take her in (which also implicitly meant that the DIL in question would be responsible for her care), every single one of them bailed.

STOP IT.

Anonymous wrote:If he doesn't cook, he doesn't eat. It's not your job to help your dad launch. You're literally enabling his incompetence. Get out of there or he'll never be a functional adult... hence 4 wives. Who wants to deal with this!

This. No cooking and no cleaning.... And no wife. Surprise!

If he doesn't cook, he doesn't eat. It's not your job to help your dad launch. You're literally enabling his incompetence. Get out of there or he'll never be a functional adult... hence 4 wives. Who wants to deal with this!

Tell him to hire a cleaning service and sign up for cooking lessons!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why does he need help at home??? He’s able-bodied and retired while you’re raising 5 kids. I would look closely at your mindset. It sounds to me like you’re co-dependent and that’s not healthy for him, you or your family.

This. Weird codependency. He is healthy, retired and lives alone. Why does he need any help from you at home? He should be helping you. Why can’t he cook or bring your family dinner once a week. Can he pick up groceries for you or dry cleaning? Can he drive your kids around or help them with hw?

He can clean but just asks so I do it, but he doesn’t cook. He can drive kids around or help them with things, or do errands. -OP

OMG, grow a spine! Tell him no! You don't have to do something that he's perfectly capable of doing. Stop complaining how busy and stressed you are, start saying the word "no", and you'll feel a lot better.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why does he need help at home??? He’s able-bodied and retired while you’re raising 5 kids. I would look closely at your mindset. It sounds to me like you’re co-dependent and that’s not healthy for him, you or your family.

This. Weird codependency. He is healthy, retired and lives alone. Why does he need any help from you at home? He should be helping you. Why can’t he cook or bring your family dinner once a week. Can he pick up groceries for you or dry cleaning? Can he drive your kids around or help them with hw?

He can clean but just asks so I do it, but he doesn’t cook. He can drive kids around or help them with things, or do errands. -OP

Maybe he's trying to reassure himself that he still has a caregiver. If Plan A was that he and #4 mutually care for each other, it's probably pretty scary to lose that even if the marriage wasn't good.

I wonder if maybe he doesn't really need the help, but he's giving that impression because he's more than lonely, he's grieving the loss of his marriage and the shock of being dumped, and probably pretty embarrassed to have lost four wives.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Agree, you should not be helping him at home! He should learn to cook and clean. Otherwise what kind of dynamic is this: a woman has to do all the household chores while he is "lonely". Why are you enabling such behavior? So in between your dad's divorces you do his household chores until he finds another woman to do this for him? No wonder your siblings avoid this. You should also realize that at 66 it's getting difficult to find another housemaid and you could be on the hook until he dies.

No-- the sex ratio becomes more favorable to men and women start lowering their standards if they want to date. If he has some hearing, some vision, and a driver's license, he's good to find wife #5.

Haha, I suppose you're right. In this case the OP should get out of the way, so that marriage #5 happens as soon as possible. At least solves the OPs problem... until next time.

Anonymous wrote:Agree, you should not be helping him at home! He should learn to cook and clean. Otherwise what kind of dynamic is this: a woman has to do all the household chores while he is "lonely". Why are you enabling such behavior? So in between your dad's divorces you do his household chores until he finds another woman to do this for him? No wonder your siblings avoid this. You should also realize that at 66 it's getting difficult to find another housemaid and you could be on the hook until he dies.

No-- the sex ratio becomes more favorable to men and women start lowering their standards if they want to date. If he has some hearing, some vision, and a driver's license, he's good to find wife #5.

Agree, you should not be helping him at home! He should learn to cook and clean. Otherwise what kind of dynamic is this: a woman has to do all the household chores while he is "lonely". Why are you enabling such behavior? So in between your dad's divorces you do his household chores until he finds another woman to do this for him? No wonder your siblings avoid this. You should also realize that at 66 it's getting difficult to find another housemaid and you could be on the hook until he dies.

Anonymous wrote:Why does he need help at home??? He’s able-bodied and retired while you’re raising 5 kids. I would look closely at your mindset. It sounds to me like you’re co-dependent and that’s not healthy for him, you or your family.

This. Weird codependency. He is healthy, retired and lives alone. Why does he need any help from you at home? He should be helping you. Why can’t he cook or bring your family dinner once a week. Can he pick up groceries for you or dry cleaning? Can he drive your kids around or help them with hw?

Why did his wife leave him and what happened to 1, 2, and 3?

It sounds like he lacks social skills or doesn't actually like his current friends. So he's always leaned on a woman to facilitate his social life. And he doesn't even realize it because it's so normal to him and he feels entitled to women's time and attention.

I suggest trying to get him to join a club of some sort, or a church.

As for the home chores, tell him straight out that he needs to learn to care for himself and his home. Not sure why he needs help with it if he's only 66. Help him learn but don't just do it for him.

He will likely remarry #5.

Why is your Dad refusing to do things with his friends and making you his emotional support blankie?