Op, she isn’t trying to be haughty. Did you ever think that she just doesn’t have new stories? What is she going to talk to you about, changing diapers? Do you want to hear that? Pick your poison.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The solution? Help to support her decision.
“Your family is so lucky to have you”
“The best is yet to come”
“Tell me what you would like to do with that degree in the future”
Etc

Exactly. Your friend is reaching out with these comments and you are thinking of them as surface annoyances. But when someone brings something up over and over, it's usually because it's weighing on them heavily. She's having a hard time with her identity and life choices, and I agree with others that probably the biggest issue is that society looks down on SAHMs and especially as kids get older, there is an attitude like, "oh what do you DO though" even if you spent two decades doing everything.

I think if you actually want to stay friends and not just ditch her because she has this annoying habit, you need to think empathetically about why she says this stuff. It's not to annoy you, it has to do with her own feelings and mindset.

Also consider that she may say it to you out of a fear that you don't respect her or don't think she's intelligent, and some part of her might feel the need to remind you that she was a very professionally successful person at some point. That she's not "just a mom." Is there anything you might be doing inadvertently to make her feel like she has to prove herself?

Thanks. I am very very aware of the fact that there is somerthing internal going on with her.

I have been thinking about the last part a lot, especially because I have an equally impressive in my field but more current situation (I'm taking a break and consulting for now -- which is in part why the constant comments are annoying, they trigger my own insecurities). For the most part, my situation doesn't convey as well if you don't know the field, and I don't really talk about it anyway. But the difference was brought home when recently she said, you have no idea what it's like to 123 while XYZ, and I thought- well, I actually do, because I did that very specific thing, too! Which made it seem like - for every 100 times you have told me about your background, you literally don't even know what mine is (and I doubt she would via Google).

I think I need a socially acceptable access point to ask her if she's okay. I don't think telling her "your family needs you" if she clearly wants to get back in the workforce is the right approach. And I know she thinks she isn't going to be able to work again (early 50s) so saying "what do you want to do" feels like it might be implying she should do something when I believe she had tried and is now giving up.

My take on it is she’s stuck between wanting to do something more career related and being a SAHP. That broken record is what’s going on in her mind. It won’t change until she figures out a solution.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had a friend, was a big baseball player back in high school
He could throw that speedball by you, make you look like a fool, boy
Saw him the other night at this roadside bar, I was walking in, he was walking out
We went back inside, sat down, had a few drinks
But all he kept talking about was glory days

This was my thought exactly! “Four touchdowns at Polk high”. We must be the same age.

Anonymous wrote:"Yeah, Jen, we know - you got your MBA at Harvard, like 20 years ago." Just shut her down.

this

My BIL is like this, he is a really nice guy but lacks social awareness that people do not want to hear about his job and only his job for hours. I've tried to just aggressively change the subject..."That's interesting Bob, anyways [turn towards Jim], Jim, are you still traveling a lot?"

Ghost her.

She sounds pretty annoying to me OP…..I have known people like her & they just love to brag about themselves.

You can either immediately change the topic when you are conversing w/her or you can diplomatically tell her how it is extremely repetitive how she constantly brings up her past career ➕ education (which is risky since she likely will get offended.)

I personally do not like being around someone who talks like this so I prefer to not socialize w/someone like this.

Anonymous wrote:I know this type quite well and am sorry OP. So frustrating. The thing is there is nothing you can do to not hear it anymore because these kinds of people are so inner focused that whatever you do say they are unable to take in the message.

This will make me look mean but I really don't care. What I do with the relative I have who does this and has been for 18 years now, I laugh.at.her. I don't say a word. I literally laugh. And she does not bat an eye or stop her projecting her glory onto me and anyone who is standing within 3 feet.

The takeaway is that anyone who is this insufferable and clueless to say what they say over and over will never stop no matter what you do.

You don't sound much better.

Anonymous wrote:I had a friend, was a big baseball player back in high school
He could throw that speedball by you, make you look like a fool, boy
Saw him the other night at this roadside bar, I was walking in, he was walking out
We went back inside, sat down, had a few drinks
But all he kept talking about was glory days

Anonymous wrote:The solution? Help to support her decision.
“Your family is so lucky to have you”
“The best is yet to come”
“Tell me what you would like to do with that degree in the future”
Etc

Exactly. Your friend is reaching out with these comments and you are thinking of them as surface annoyances. But when someone brings something up over and over, it's usually because it's weighing on them heavily. She's having a hard time with her identity and life choices, and I agree with others that probably the biggest issue is that society looks down on SAHMs and especially as kids get older, there is an attitude like, "oh what do you DO though" even if you spent two decades doing everything.

I think if you actually want to stay friends and not just ditch her because she has this annoying habit, you need to think empathetically about why she says this stuff. It's not to annoy you, it has to do with her own feelings and mindset.

Also consider that she may say it to you out of a fear that you don't respect her or don't think she's intelligent, and some part of her might feel the need to remind you that she was a very professionally successful person at some point. That she's not "just a mom." Is there anything you might be doing inadvertently to make her feel like she has to prove herself?

Anonymous wrote:Maybe if she felt society valued the work she’s been doing for the past 15 years, she wouldn’t feel the need to keep mentioning the buzzwords and experiences people do value. It is an identity crisis for educated, well-employed women to leave the workforce to care for family when they’ve been sold a bill of goods that they can “have it all”.

Yeah she should go to work and realize how good she has. Especially with likely teenagers at home.

Anonymous wrote:The solution? Help to support her decision.
“Your family is so lucky to have you”
“The best is yet to come”
“Tell me what you would like to do with that degree in the future”
Etc

This is the best thing to do.

My cousin does this. He worked in “movies” for about five minutes 30 years ago and it’s all he talks about- any story you tell relates back to his time working at the movie studio. I usually just externally nod and internally roll my eyes. I do wonder how he doesn’t realize it makes him sound like an ass.

The solution? Help to support her decision.
“Your family is so lucky to have you”
“The best is yet to come”
“Tell me what you would like to do with that degree in the future”
Etc