Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think the video is talking about people needing to make a huge deal out of every holiday or like put up streamers for the first day of school.

She's talking about families who don't invest in relationships, don't think about others, do things only out of obligation, etc. My ILs are like this and I know *exactly* what she means. I have adjusted to it at this point but yes, when we visit, they will make literally no effort -- no meals planned, they barely acknowledge we are there. If we want to do anything at all, we plan it ourselves. They are just kind of passive.

Whereas I put a lot of effort into parenting and family togetherness, but none of it takes the form of buying lots of plastic crap off Amazon to decorate. We have traditions but they are simple and meaningful, not made-for-Instagram trends. We are also good hosts and like to share holidays with others and think about how to make other people feel good in our home. We put effort into our relationships.

The video is not about having big celebrations for every holiday or making a huge deal out of the first day of school. It's about building relationships and caring about others, which you can do while still have small, intimate holidays or very simple traditions that don't cost money or involve lots of decorating.

Does every thread have to devolve into in law bashing?

The whole point of the video is in-law bashing. No one describes themselves as “low effort.”

Np. OP is describing herself as low effort.

She is saying that other people would describe her that way.
It’s definitely a pejorative term.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think the video is talking about people needing to make a huge deal out of every holiday or like put up streamers for the first day of school.

She's talking about families who don't invest in relationships, don't think about others, do things only out of obligation, etc. My ILs are like this and I know *exactly* what she means. I have adjusted to it at this point but yes, when we visit, they will make literally no effort -- no meals planned, they barely acknowledge we are there. If we want to do anything at all, we plan it ourselves. They are just kind of passive.

Whereas I put a lot of effort into parenting and family togetherness, but none of it takes the form of buying lots of plastic crap off Amazon to decorate. We have traditions but they are simple and meaningful, not made-for-Instagram trends. We are also good hosts and like to share holidays with others and think about how to make other people feel good in our home. We put effort into our relationships.

The video is not about having big celebrations for every holiday or making a huge deal out of the first day of school. It's about building relationships and caring about others, which you can do while still have small, intimate holidays or very simple traditions that don't cost money or involve lots of decorating.

Does every thread have to devolve into in law bashing?

The whole point of the video is in-law bashing. No one describes themselves as “low effort.”

Np. OP is describing herself as low effort.

Anonymous wrote:Let’s talk about how I might be “low effort” in my family.

What do I mean?

It hit me that we don’t have a lot of traditions of family gatherings. In my own family, in my extended family. If we are together, we’re happy, friendly, creative, but it’s low pressure.

Reading the comments of this video—
https://www.facebook.com/share/r/1EdRAhCccV/

—I see that people don’t think low-effort families are fun.

I have considered pouring my heart into big parties and events for holidays, but I also see it as unnecessary pressure. What should we have a tradition we HAVE to do at Christmas, at Halloween? It just means when life gets crazy (one of us parents getting hit by stomach flu), there’s that much more disappointment. Or also the pressure of “having” to do a big celebration that the work of preparing it adds to the work of life. It’s like one more way to stress out my family.

I get jealous of my friends that can pull this stuff off (streamers and balloons on the first and last days of school; annual specific gatherings that are extra/beyond regular Christmas dinner; a birthday week with like 17 different major events/gifts)

But I can’t do it, so im “low effort.”

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think the video is talking about people needing to make a huge deal out of every holiday or like put up streamers for the first day of school.

She's talking about families who don't invest in relationships, don't think about others, do things only out of obligation, etc. My ILs are like this and I know *exactly* what she means. I have adjusted to it at this point but yes, when we visit, they will make literally no effort -- no meals planned, they barely acknowledge we are there. If we want to do anything at all, we plan it ourselves. They are just kind of passive.

Whereas I put a lot of effort into parenting and family togetherness, but none of it takes the form of buying lots of plastic crap off Amazon to decorate. We have traditions but they are simple and meaningful, not made-for-Instagram trends. We are also good hosts and like to share holidays with others and think about how to make other people feel good in our home. We put effort into our relationships.

The video is not about having big celebrations for every holiday or making a huge deal out of the first day of school. It's about building relationships and caring about others, which you can do while still have small, intimate holidays or very simple traditions that don't cost money or involve lots of decorating.

Does every thread have to devolve into in law bashing?

The whole point of the video is in-law bashing. No one describes themselves as “low effort.”

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think the video is talking about people needing to make a huge deal out of every holiday or like put up streamers for the first day of school.

She's talking about families who don't invest in relationships, don't think about others, do things only out of obligation, etc. My ILs are like this and I know *exactly* what she means. I have adjusted to it at this point but yes, when we visit, they will make literally no effort -- no meals planned, they barely acknowledge we are there. If we want to do anything at all, we plan it ourselves. They are just kind of passive.

Whereas I put a lot of effort into parenting and family togetherness, but none of it takes the form of buying lots of plastic crap off Amazon to decorate. We have traditions but they are simple and meaningful, not made-for-Instagram trends. We are also good hosts and like to share holidays with others and think about how to make other people feel good in our home. We put effort into our relationships.

The video is not about having big celebrations for every holiday or making a huge deal out of the first day of school. It's about building relationships and caring about others, which you can do while still have small, intimate holidays or very simple traditions that don't cost money or involve lots of decorating.

Does every thread have to devolve into in law bashing?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think the video is talking about people needing to make a huge deal out of every holiday or like put up streamers for the first day of school.

She's talking about families who don't invest in relationships, don't think about others, do things only out of obligation, etc. My ILs are like this and I know *exactly* what she means. I have adjusted to it at this point but yes, when we visit, they will make literally no effort -- no meals planned, they barely acknowledge we are there. If we want to do anything at all, we plan it ourselves. They are just kind of passive.

Whereas I put a lot of effort into parenting and family togetherness, but none of it takes the form of buying lots of plastic crap off Amazon to decorate. We have traditions but they are simple and meaningful, not made-for-Instagram trends. We are also good hosts and like to share holidays with others and think about how to make other people feel good in our home. We put effort into our relationships.

The video is not about having big celebrations for every holiday or making a huge deal out of the first day of school. It's about building relationships and caring about others, which you can do while still have small, intimate holidays or very simple traditions that don't cost money or involve lots of decorating.

Does every thread have to devolve into in law bashing?

I'm not bashing my ILs, I'm factually describing what they are like. If you must know, I think they are like this due to generational trauma. My MIL, in particular, experienced a lot of abuse and neglect as a child and I think she honestly just does not know what to do. It makes me feel sad for them, but the first few years I did feel frustrated and kind of offended. Now we are just selective about when we visit and we have appropriate expectations.

Some people have limitations due to their backgrounds and circumstances. Sometimes those people are your ILs. Talking about that isn't "bashing" them. I wasn't even complaining, just explaining.