Anonymous wrote:She tends to do a bit better at her mom’s house, which is part of why we decided to send her there. Her parents have been divorced for many years and I’ve been in her life for several, so this isn’t a brand new dynamic. She’s done therapy in the past but is currently refusing to go. We’ve also tried for years to get her a full neuropsych evaluation, but she won’t participate. She was diagnosed with ADHD by her pediatrician in elementary school, but she will not take any medication or see her psychiatrist. We’ve tried so many different approaches over the years, but she refuses to listen to or respect my husband at all, which has made things especially difficult. -OP

Anonymous wrote:Not having an irrational step mom and not having an absent father could help.

Anonymous wrote:She tends to do a bit better at her mom’s house, which is part of why we decided to send her there. Her parents have been divorced for many years and I’ve been in her life for several, so this isn’t a brand new dynamic. She’s done therapy in the past but is currently refusing to go. We’ve also tried for years to get her a full neuropsych evaluation, but she won’t participate. She was diagnosed with ADHD by her pediatrician in elementary school, but she will not take any medication or see her psychiatrist. We’ve tried so many different approaches over the years, but she refuses to listen to or respect my husband at all, which has made things especially difficult. -OP

Anonymous wrote:What kind of mental health services is she getting now? OP, the girl you described needs serious help before she ends up with a DUI (or worse) or pegnant. I think stepmothers generally should stay disengaged, but if neither of her parents is dealing with this, you might want to take a more active approach, or you'll never figure it out.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband works long hours in law, and I’m busy too, so between our schedules we don’t have time to constantly manage my 16-year-old stepdaughter’s behavior. She is with us 50% of the time and is out of control.

This past weekend was the tipping point. She came home drunk, was vaping cannabis in our house, stayed up most of the night making noise, and took my credit card to spend over $200 on takeout to send to a boy’s house at 3 a.m.

This isn’t isolated. In the past, she has been drunk and smoked before, regularly sneaks out to boys’ houses, and has tried to bring boys into our home without permission. She has stolen our credit cards and taken our cars without permission, racking up thousands of dollars in charges (we involved police previously). She has also been suspended from school for vaping and continues to skip class, vape, and hang around school. At home, she does nothing but sit on TikTok and YouTube, doesn’t clean up after herself, and refuses to make food. We have to lock up alcohol because she will steal it and give it to friends.

We’ve tried consequences like removing her phone, car access, and outings, but she refuses to hand things over, throws huge tantrums, and finds ways around restrictions (finding hidden keys, etc.). It feels like constant power struggles and chaos.

At this point, our main goal is protecting our home, finances, and peace. We told her she needs to stay at her mom’s now after what she did this weekend, while we regroup, and she had a massive meltdown and told her dad he must hate her. We’re already feel a little
More at ease.

Has anyone dealt with something like this? What actually helped?

What works is spending more time with her, not less. Show her that she is a priority in your life- not just an obligation you can foist off on her other parent or throw money at. It takes time.

Anonymous wrote:It takes 30 seconds to lock a credit card. How do you not get a charge notification? It also doesn't take long to turn off a phone.
No mentally healthy person does what this kid is doing. I bet there were signs way before.
If she kills someone, you two will lose everything.Get her help. And let's stop blaming divorce on such craziness. It's some mental health issue and alcohol/drugs she can't handle.

Anonymous wrote:My husband works long hours in law, and I’m busy too, so between our schedules we don’t have time to constantly manage my 16-year-old stepdaughter’s behavior. She is with us 50% of the time and is out of control.

This past weekend was the tipping point. She came home drunk, was vaping cannabis in our house, stayed up most of the night making noise, and took my credit card to spend over $200 on takeout to send to a boy’s house at 3 a.m.

This isn’t isolated. In the past, she has been drunk and smoked before, regularly sneaks out to boys’ houses, and has tried to bring boys into our home without permission. She has stolen our credit cards and taken our cars without permission, racking up thousands of dollars in charges (we involved police previously). She has also been suspended from school for vaping and continues to skip class, vape, and hang around school. At home, she does nothing but sit on TikTok and YouTube, doesn’t clean up after herself, and refuses to make food. We have to lock up alcohol because she will steal it and give it to friends.

We’ve tried consequences like removing her phone, car access, and outings, but she refuses to hand things over, throws huge tantrums, and finds ways around restrictions (finding hidden keys, etc.). It feels like constant power struggles and chaos.

At this point, our main goal is protecting our home, finances, and peace. We told her she needs to stay at her mom’s now after what she did this weekend, while we regroup, and she had a massive meltdown and told her dad he must hate her. We’re already feel a little
More at ease.

Has anyone dealt with something like this? What actually helped?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We told her she needs to stay at her mom’s now after what she did this weekend


WTF!!!!

Sorry but your lame H needs to parent her not banish her. You think intact families just kick the kid to the curb and have them live elsewhere.

You suck.

This is obviously true, but if he's not going to step up, and she does better at her mom's house, then she's probably better off spending more time there. She should be wherever she has an engaged parent because she's clearly spiraling.