My adoptive family chose to stay in contact and in business with my exhusband after he abused and lied to me. Their justification was exactly this - “he never did anything to us.” I know it’s only a matter of time before he screws them over - he strongly dislikes them and they still kiss his a**. But that is their decision, they are grownups and can choose their own adventures.

Anonymous wrote:I was friends for a while with someone who has zero moral compass. She is charismatic and incredibly funny but one day I realized her humor was rooted in mocking other people, and that it actually wasn't funny. Also, I didn't want someone in my life who could lie and steal with impunity. She was notorious for stealing clients from others. I considered myself immune from her predatory behavior. I'm glad I had that epiphany that she's actually an awful person and I ended the friendship and never looked back. A few years later she had her first child. I didn't say it out loud it but plenty of people in our orbit did - that child was born with severe SN and it seemed like the universe sent her a message. I haven't seen her in years.

This is what this thread is in a nutshell - bunch of people who want their belief in just world validated and hope that bad things will never happen to them.

I hate to break your bubble, but severe SN children happen to the most righteous people too. And can happen to you or your children, even if you never stole clients or laughed behind someone’s back. Speaking of that, how righteous the people in your orbit really are if they gloated about someone having a child with severe SN? Maybe universe has a thing for them too.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. I distanced myself from a friend group during covid because they kept in contact with a crazy racist antivaxxer. They were willing to overlook her nasty comments and views but I could not. I don't think my life is worse off not having her/them, but I do think friends are a reflection of you.

I understand the racist part, but not wanting to be forced to get a vaccine that hasn’t been proven to work doesn’t sound evil to me. Which only proves that we could be acquaintances because we both hate racism, but would not really be close friends because we disagree on an issue that you see as evil. There would always be topics to avoid and it would naturally create distance, the interest in friendship between us would stop at we both hate racism.

If you understand the racist part, ending the friendship for any other reason doesn't matter. Take your anti vax shit elsewhere.

Thank you for putting the exclamation point on my argument. I didn’t even have to do anything for you to hate me, just have a different opinion. Why be friends with someone who does things that you believe are bad? This person thinks I shouldn’t exist for having a differing opinion on a vaccine mandate, regardless of the fact that I am a medical professional.

Who said anything about not existing? Are you always this much of a drama queen? You can't read for shit, what kind medical quack are you pretending to be on the internet?

Sorry it reads different than I meant it. I didn’t mean I should die, I was saying “Take your anti vax s&$@ elsewhere” means you don’t want me or my opinion anywhere in your world. It was poorly communicated.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. I distanced myself from a friend group during covid because they kept in contact with a crazy racist antivaxxer. They were willing to overlook her nasty comments and views but I could not. I don't think my life is worse off not having her/them, but I do think friends are a reflection of you.

I understand the racist part, but not wanting to be forced to get a vaccine that hasn’t been proven to work doesn’t sound evil to me. Which only proves that we could be acquaintances because we both hate racism, but would not really be close friends because we disagree on an issue that you see as evil. There would always be topics to avoid and it would naturally create distance, the interest in friendship between us would stop at we both hate racism.

If you understand the racist part, ending the friendship for any other reason doesn't matter. Take your anti vax shit elsewhere.

Thank you for putting the exclamation point on my argument. I didn’t even have to do anything for you to hate me, just have a different opinion. Why be friends with someone who does things that you believe are bad? This person thinks I shouldn’t exist for having a differing opinion on a vaccine mandate, regardless of the fact that I am a medical professional.

Sorry, are you saying that it's fine to be friends with a racist because we all have different views? Or are you agreeing that it's ok to ditch a friend because they started spouting racist nonsense? Or did you just come to defend antivaxers regardless of them being racist? Not sure the point of this post.

I was trying to say that when people do bad/evil deeds, the only reason to be friends with them is because their behavior is in a moral gray area for you. Many of us create distance when someone holds an opinion that we disagree with morally, why would you want to have a friend that actually does bad things?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. I distanced myself from a friend group during covid because they kept in contact with a crazy racist antivaxxer. They were willing to overlook her nasty comments and views but I could not. I don't think my life is worse off not having her/them, but I do think friends are a reflection of you.

I understand the racist part, but not wanting to be forced to get a vaccine that hasn’t been proven to work doesn’t sound evil to me. Which only proves that we could be acquaintances because we both hate racism, but would not really be close friends because we disagree on an issue that you see as evil. There would always be topics to avoid and it would naturally create distance, the interest in friendship between us would stop at we both hate racism.

If you understand the racist part, ending the friendship for any other reason doesn't matter. Take your anti vax shit elsewhere.

Thank you for putting the exclamation point on my argument. I didn’t even have to do anything for you to hate me, just have a different opinion. Why be friends with someone who does things that you believe are bad? This person thinks I shouldn’t exist for having a differing opinion on a vaccine mandate, regardless of the fact that I am a medical professional.

Sorry, are you saying that it's fine to be friends with a racist because we all have different views? Or are you agreeing that it's ok to ditch a friend because they started spouting racist nonsense? Or did you just come to defend antivaxers regardless of them being racist? Not sure the point of this post.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. I distanced myself from a friend group during covid because they kept in contact with a crazy racist antivaxxer. They were willing to overlook her nasty comments and views but I could not. I don't think my life is worse off not having her/them, but I do think friends are a reflection of you.

I understand the racist part, but not wanting to be forced to get a vaccine that hasn’t been proven to work doesn’t sound evil to me. Which only proves that we could be acquaintances because we both hate racism, but would not really be close friends because we disagree on an issue that you see as evil. There would always be topics to avoid and it would naturally create distance, the interest in friendship between us would stop at we both hate racism.

If you understand the racist part, ending the friendship for any other reason doesn't matter. Take your anti vax shit elsewhere.

Thank you for putting the exclamation point on my argument. I didn’t even have to do anything for you to hate me, just have a different opinion. Why be friends with someone who does things that you believe are bad? This person thinks I shouldn’t exist for having a differing opinion on a vaccine mandate, regardless of the fact that I am a medical professional.

Who said anything about not existing? Are you always this much of a drama queen? You can't read for shit, what kind medical quack are you pretending to be on the internet?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. I distanced myself from a friend group during covid because they kept in contact with a crazy racist antivaxxer. They were willing to overlook her nasty comments and views but I could not. I don't think my life is worse off not having her/them, but I do think friends are a reflection of you.

I understand the racist part, but not wanting to be forced to get a vaccine that hasn’t been proven to work doesn’t sound evil to me. Which only proves that we could be acquaintances because we both hate racism, but would not really be close friends because we disagree on an issue that you see as evil. There would always be topics to avoid and it would naturally create distance, the interest in friendship between us would stop at we both hate racism.

If you understand the racist part, ending the friendship for any other reason doesn't matter. Take your anti vax shit elsewhere.

Thank you for putting the exclamation point on my argument. I didn’t even have to do anything for you to hate me, just have a different opinion. Why be friends with someone who does things that you believe are bad? This person thinks I shouldn’t exist for having a differing opinion on a vaccine mandate, regardless of the fact that I am a medical professional.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. I distanced myself from a friend group during covid because they kept in contact with a crazy racist antivaxxer. They were willing to overlook her nasty comments and views but I could not. I don't think my life is worse off not having her/them, but I do think friends are a reflection of you.

I understand the racist part, but not wanting to be forced to get a vaccine that hasn’t been proven to work doesn’t sound evil to me. Which only proves that we could be acquaintances because we both hate racism, but would not really be close friends because we disagree on an issue that you see as evil. There would always be topics to avoid and it would naturally create distance, the interest in friendship between us would stop at we both hate racism.

If you understand the racist part, ending the friendship for any other reason doesn't matter. Take your anti vax shit elsewhere.

No.

Anonymous wrote:...who has done terrible things to other people?

It doesn't have to be Epstein-level crimes. Hopefully the number of people that evil are somewhat limited. Doesn't even have to be crimes. Maybe they cheat on their spouse, or are an abusive boss. Maybe they are cruel gossips. Anything that causes harm to other people.

Do you overlook behavior that harms others as long as the person isn't harming you?

Why?

Nope. Evil people hurt people because that's what evil people do. If you stick around, they'll ALWAYS get around to you eventually. I've seen it over and over again, and it's hard to feel sorry for the cronies who eventually become targets.

I was friends for a while with someone who has zero moral compass. She is charismatic and incredibly funny but one day I realized her humor was rooted in mocking other people, and that it actually wasn't funny. Also, I didn't want someone in my life who could lie and steal with impunity. She was notorious for stealing clients from others. I considered myself immune from her predatory behavior. I'm glad I had that epiphany that she's actually an awful person and I ended the friendship and never looked back. A few years later she had her first child. I didn't say it out loud it but plenty of people in our orbit did - that child was born with severe SN and it seemed like the universe sent her a message. I haven't seen her in years.

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think your circle must be small if it doesn't include people who have done those things. I don't know of anyone actively doing them except gossiping, but certainly, I have friends and family members who have done most of those things.

Have you ever talked to them about it? Have you ever said "it bothers me that you did this?" Dies it bother you?

No I try not to judge. That wouldn’t be my place, and in some cases I was shocked they did it because I hold them in high regard so I know they must have been in a bad place to do it.

It is not your place to judge, but it is your place to justify it because they were in a bad place? I understand respecting aspects of a person and loving them, but you are lying to yourself if you think it didn’t change how you see them.

If they are an amazing accountant, but then they stole money from a client, now you have to respect their capacity for deception and theft in addition to their knowledge. You would be naive to hire them as the CFO for your company based solely on your respect for their other good qualities.

Anonymous wrote:I think your circle must be small if it doesn't include people who have done those things. I don't know of anyone actively doing them except gossiping, but certainly, I have friends and family members who have done most of those things.

I don’t have a single friend or family member who cheats on their partner (that I know of), is an abusive boss, or gossips in a cruel way. You might need to reevaluate the kind of people you associate with (or maybe you do those things, too?)

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think your circle must be small if it doesn't include people who have done those things. I don't know of anyone actively doing them except gossiping, but certainly, I have friends and family members who have done most of those things.

Have you ever talked to them about it? Have you ever said "it bothers me that you did this?" Dies it bother you?

No I try not to judge. That wouldn’t be my place, and in some cases I was shocked they did it because I hold them in high regard so I know they must have been in a bad place to do it.

Do you ever think about the people they hurt while they were "in a bad place"?

Anonymous wrote:No. I distanced myself from a friend group during covid because they kept in contact with a crazy racist antivaxxer. They were willing to overlook her nasty comments and views but I could not. I don't think my life is worse off not having her/them, but I do think friends are a reflection of you.

I understand the racist part, but not wanting to be forced to get a vaccine that hasn’t been proven to work doesn’t sound evil to me. Which only proves that we could be acquaintances because we both hate racism, but would not really be close friends because we disagree on an issue that you see as evil. There would always be topics to avoid and it would naturally create distance, the interest in friendship between us would stop at we both hate racism.