Anonymous wrote:You teach people how to treat you. You have told him by accepting this this is ok by you. You need to change that if you no longer feel that way.

It sounds like OP is way past setting any relationship standards.
The time to do that was when this nonsense starts.
How many years has this been going on? Unfortunately, if it has been going on for more than a year, it sounds normalized - baked into the relationship.

The only way to change the behavior is to leave and end the marriage. I really dont think counseling would do anything - so much damage has already been done.
That is the only way to break the routine.

Why do you stay? You have shared every reason to leave and I have a feeling there are a LOT more.

Anonymous wrote:You need to call a Domestic Abuse hotline and get help in planning your exit. You do not deserve this.

1-800-799-SAFE

They can help you figure out where to go from here.

+1 Help is also available 24/7 at thehotline.org

I’m so sorry you are in this situation - it can happen to anyone and it is not your fault. It is probably overwhelming thinking about leaving but just start with quietly planning an ‘escape plan’ - where is your money, where can you go, how old are your kids and can they keep themselves safe if he gets partial custody, identify a few lawyer options, call a hotline, read and prepare, where are your important documents, who can you call for help. Slowly you will see that it is actually possible and then you start planning the date. And you leave. Maybe you go back. It often takes several attempts to finally leave. But you do leave again. And you are free.

I’m so glad you have a job. I have helped two women escape abusive husbands. There are people all around who will help you. Confide in one he doesn’t know- they will help organize your leaving.

He might be trying to provoke you to physically leave your home. You need an attorney to help you make a strategic exit, but if you or your child(ren) are in physical danger, you cannot coexist with that demon. Do you have somewhere you all can go if it this abuse escalates? Technically if the abuse turns physical and you call the police, he will have to leave (temporarily).

Plan your exit.

Anonymous wrote:No one is dealing with this nonsense in 2026. Please just make an air tight plan with an attorney and perhaps a therapist and GTFO. Do not leave anything to chance. He sounds like the sort of man who might become violent once you try to leave.

What?

Divorce is the only solution here.

Anonymous wrote:I think you need to leave and I do not say that lightly. I’m someone who rarely suggests divorce. But this seems like chronic and fairly serious abuse.

But please ensure you have a safety plan and take any threats seriously. This is a high risk time for DV

+1

Anonymous wrote:Tell us why you married this man and remain married to him?

You need to divorce. ASAP

You can’t blame abuse victims, especially ones with traumatic childhoods.

Leaving is not that simple, if that’s all they’ve known.

Girl, you have ONE life, and you are wasting it on this POS. Make a plan and leave...and don't let anyone EVER talk to you like that again. Not one time. If someone calls you a name, it's the last conversation you have with that person.

Sorry hon, you need to get out there ASAP.

You teach people how to treat you. You have told him by accepting this this is ok by you. You need to change that if you no longer feel that way.

No one is dealing with this nonsense in 2026. Please just make an air tight plan with an attorney and perhaps a therapist and GTFO. Do not leave anything to chance. He sounds like the sort of man who might become violent once you try to leave.