Anonymous
02/17/2026 13:54
Subject: Can financial responsibility and planning be learned?
Keep all your finances separate and if you decide to get married be sure to have an airtight pre-nup. I’m sure you see where this is going.
Anonymous
02/17/2026 13:22
Subject: Can financial responsibility and planning be learned?
OP, if there’s one thing I’ve learned from this board - and experienced in real life - is that unmanaged ADD can be absolute hell for the compensating family member. I strongly suspect both my MIL and SIL have it and am watching my kids like hawks to support on early interventions.
Is he worth it? I mean, no retirement savings at 40 is a pretty big red flag.
Is he worth it? I mean, no retirement savings at 40 is a pretty big red flag.
Anonymous
02/17/2026 13:10
Subject: Can financial responsibility and planning be learned?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:It looks like he has some ADHD or other limitations that makes long-term planning impossible. He cannot overcome a disability. Either you take over all the finances, or you ditch him.
He is just a simple man doing a physical job. Idk why OP is expecting him to be a Wall Street level financial analyst
I worked physical job all my life. I can't get any more simple if I tried. Add being immigrant to it. No speaky English.
Basic math is all he needs. Something else is holding him back. I actually have to agree with ADHD (maybe ASD too).
I know ca 10 people who cannot and haven't saved a penny. All well educated. Every single one of them have adhd or ASD.
Talk to them all you want and they stare up in the sky.
OP, you budget and invest with him, for him. Done.
OP - He does have ADHD. (I encouraged him to get tested). I said he was maxing out his retirement but that’s not actually possible yet, I meant he is contributing and saving but doesn’t make enough yet to max out. I’ll keep working with him, we got in a fight over it yesterday. I can afford to lend him the money, I’m more upset about his train of thought.
Im the one who said this seemed workable if you could cthe mental load. This doesn't sound promising.
Can you give us an idea of numbers here?
Anonymous
02/17/2026 13:08
Subject: Can financial responsibility and planning be learned?
Anonymous wrote:It looks like he has some ADHD or other limitations that makes long-term planning impossible. He cannot overcome a disability. Either you take over all the finances, or you ditch him.
This is ridiculous! He may not be able to fully overcome a disability but he can learn a lot of strategies to compensate. Making savings automatic is a start—not just retirement but a “life happens” fund (separate from emergency funds) and a “fun” fund. He can improve his financial literacy by reading books, listening to podcasts, or meeting with a certified financial planner.
Anonymous
02/17/2026 12:53
Subject: Can financial responsibility and planning be learned?
OP you need concrete numbers. You need to know how much he has now and how much he needs by say 60.
And then he needs a plan to fill the gap.
Do not help him fill the gap unless he decides to marry you.
And then he needs a plan to fill the gap.
Do not help him fill the gap unless he decides to marry you.
Anonymous
02/17/2026 12:51
Subject: Can financial responsibility and planning be learned?
Anonymous wrote:My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 3 years. We are both divorced and in our 40s.
After moving in together I found out he had not saved for retirement. He has started, is maxing out his accounts but he is far behind me and will have to work into his 60s. I have more from my divorce but wish for it to go to the kids.
He was in a physically demanding job and I suggested he make a plan to transition once his body started aging. He got a new certification and is working on his side hustle. He needs new equipment for the side hustle and this past weekend asked to borrow some from me, which I had offered previously.
However, last month we had just planned a big summer vacation, which is now largely paid for. I am annoyed because if I knew his large purchase was coming up, I would’ve suggested a closer and less expensive summer vacation.
His lack of planning is making me really annoyed. He basically will do things if I tell him to, and lives frugally and within his means. But he doesn’t have the capacity to plan ahead and think of these things on his own.
He helps out as a life partner in every other way, is very kind, my kids adore him. This is the only area I get stressed about. What can I do?
Sorry OP you left a man-child for another one.
Anonymous
02/17/2026 11:23
Subject: Can financial responsibility and planning be learned?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:It looks like he has some ADHD or other limitations that makes long-term planning impossible. He cannot overcome a disability. Either you take over all the finances, or you ditch him.
He is just a simple man doing a physical job. Idk why OP is expecting him to be a Wall Street level financial analyst
I worked physical job all my life. I can't get any more simple if I tried. Add being immigrant to it. No speaky English.
Basic math is all he needs. Something else is holding him back. I actually have to agree with ADHD (maybe ASD too).
I know ca 10 people who cannot and haven't saved a penny. All well educated. Every single one of them have adhd or ASD.
Talk to them all you want and they stare up in the sky.
OP, you budget and invest with him, for him. Done.
OP - He does have ADHD. (I encouraged him to get tested). I said he was maxing out his retirement but that’s not actually possible yet, I meant he is contributing and saving but doesn’t make enough yet to max out. I’ll keep working with him, we got in a fight over it yesterday. I can afford to lend him the money, I’m more upset about his train of thought.
Anonymous
02/17/2026 07:23
Subject: Can financial responsibility and planning be learned?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:It looks like he has some ADHD or other limitations that makes long-term planning impossible. He cannot overcome a disability. Either you take over all the finances, or you ditch him.
He is just a simple man doing a physical job. Idk why OP is expecting him to be a Wall Street level financial analyst
I worked physical job all my life. I can't get any more simple if I tried. Add being immigrant to it. No speaky English.
Basic math is all he needs. Something else is holding him back. I actually have to agree with ADHD (maybe ASD too).
I know ca 10 people who cannot and haven't saved a penny. All well educated. Every single one of them have adhd or ASD.
Talk to them all you want and they stare up in the sky.
OP, you budget and invest with him, for him. Done.
Anonymous
02/17/2026 07:22
Subject: Re:Can financial responsibility and planning be learned?
Anonymous wrote:His lack of planning is making me really annoyed. He basically will do things if I tell him to, and lives frugally and within his means. But he doesn’t have the capacity to plan ahead and think of these things on his own.
I think you can work with that. Can you guys do monthly financial check ins to discuss spending, upcoming expenses, budget, etc? It seems like he's not completely irresponsible. He just doesn't think like you do.
+1. I agree with the above. You will need to shoulder more of the financial burden, but if he is willing to work with you, that's 90% of the problem solved.
Anonymous
02/17/2026 07:16
Subject: Can financial responsibility and planning be learned?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:It looks like he has some ADHD or other limitations that makes long-term planning impossible. He cannot overcome a disability. Either you take over all the finances, or you ditch him.
He is just a simple man doing a physical job. Idk why OP is expecting him to be a Wall Street level financial analyst
I don’t think she’s expecting him to be a Wall Street anything. She’s just wanting him to be a little more aware of money. Which is reasonable.