Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have come to realize that I am not going to make it to the next level in my organization. I am about 5 years from retirement but just feel so deflated about gutting it out knowing I have been passed over. I do not think I will be fired b/c I have a lot of institutional knowledge and specialized expertise, but the humiliation of toiling away and failing to top-out has me so discouraged. I do not think I have it in me to switch jobs at this point - esp. in this market and at my age. I was always the golden child and top performer with good relationships but truth-be-told, I did prioritize time with my kids and never really leaned into the grind lifestyle that would have been required. I assume the conventional advice is - just suck it up and be grateful I have a job?

Just tough to make peace with after being pretty ambitious my whole life.

You don’t sound ambitious at all. You prioritized your family, you don’t like the grind, and you’re retiring at 55. If you were really ambitious, you’d start grinding right now, looking to move organizations, etc., instead of already throwing in the towel.

I have to agree with this! 55 is entering the pinnacle years, and they go until 65 or so. I don’t understand why you are choosing to check out if you still hold those dreams? 55 is super young.

Arr you kidding? Most people are laid off and never find work again in their 50s. Happened to all my aunts and uncles. But we grew up poor and Im sure lacked the executive presence or whatever weasel word execs use to hire a mini-me.

I got a big job at 54, 57 and 60. And I grew up poor. I don’t think it is until 62 it gets hard to job hunt.

Are you a white male over average height?

Yea which has been a massive disadvantage over last 20 years. Lost job in 2016 in take over and every white male is sr. Mgt let go. Purchasing company full of older white makes to improve D&I canned all of us. Next job built big dept from scratch (I got paid well) but once done in run state canned me for younger Asian women, next job start up underpaid but tons of stock once set up this time moved on own. Now Trump killed D&I my company removed it and we hired so D&I folks over last 25 years I am safe! I am also now interviewing Board jobs as D&I dead for now!! After 25 years of oppression the straight, married, white male can come out of closet at work

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have come to realize that I am not going to make it to the next level in my organization. I am about 5 years from retirement but just feel so deflated about gutting it out knowing I have been passed over. I do not think I will be fired b/c I have a lot of institutional knowledge and specialized expertise, but the humiliation of toiling away and failing to top-out has me so discouraged. I do not think I have it in me to switch jobs at this point - esp. in this market and at my age. I was always the golden child and top performer with good relationships but truth-be-told, I did prioritize time with my kids and never really leaned into the grind lifestyle that would have been required. I assume the conventional advice is - just suck it up and be grateful I have a job?

Just tough to make peace with after being pretty ambitious my whole life.

You don’t sound ambitious at all. You prioritized your family, you don’t like the grind, and you’re retiring at 55. If you were really ambitious, you’d start grinding right now, looking to move organizations, etc., instead of already throwing in the towel.

+1

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hear you, OP, late 40s and in this too. What we do is not who we are. (Need to scream it from the rooftops in the DC area, though, as people don't seem to get it.)

Let's be careful about perpetuating myths:
"Executive presence is a certain look, tall and slender athlete built, which requires years of good nutrition, stable home environment and consistent, scientific training." Not true; many with executive presence don't fit this physical description. You can be 5 ft. tall or overweight.

Studies of Fortune 500 CEOs suggest that fewer than 3% of male CEOs are under 5'7". If we apply this percentage to the entire F500 list, it suggests that fewer than 15 CEOs likely fall under 5’8”.

The only way to be an executive and not have the look is to start your own company.

Walk around any large corporation headquarters, take a look at people with their own offices (senior director +), 99.8% of them are at least 5’7” and not obese, slight overweight is ok.

So dumb. It gets harder to reach the top because there are less positions. People are picked for these positions for other reasons then they being good or excellent performers.

If you are not the heir to a big business… the only reason you will be picked for a new top position in the organization is because
- there is a power struggle between two titans and you are a neutral person they can agree as a place holder
- the business is failing and only you can save it
- political or legal or financial reasons means that for the immediate future they need you on the post

If there is even some chance that a supremely incompetent person can remain in position for a few years and the organization will not completely fail (Trump for example) they will take that person over you.

So, it is important imo that you pay attention to
- health - yours and family- eat nutritious food, exercise, healthy and disciplined lifestyle
- savings - live below your means. You may not have a job in the future
- family. Be there and make sure that your marriage, your children are on the right path
- skills - keep learning and be agile
- hobbies and interests
- alternate streams of income ( even if you are making $ )

To feel like a loser because you did not understand the game and were vested in a rigged workplace and career where you did not get promotions - actually makes you a dumb loser.

You are putting unnecessary pressure, angst, stress on your own self for something you do not control. So you are the one who is torturing yourself. The things that you can control - health, family, finances, skills, hobbies, security and stability….you are not focusing on that.

Frankly, is you are so desperate, you will never get it. You need to be happy and indifferent to this success and let the success chase you instead of vice-versa.


Also, your negativity and desperation shows your mindset. You are not chilled, calm and a take-it-or-leave-it kind of person. So why would someone give you a position that you identify with so much? It does not make you cool headed, affable and a person who will see the big picture for the organization. In your own life, you have tunnel vision.

Yes, it's hard to make peace with this. And it's hard to describe being ambitious AND leaning out simultaneously, but it's an accurate description for some of us. I was there for the important things at work. And tried to be there for the important home things. What helped was that I came to the realization that I didn't want any of my boss's jobs, I just wanted the imagined prestige or power, and that helped me make peace with my situation. I realized I wanted to be in charge of it all, without the associated stresses. That's not realistic, and instead I focused on what really made me happy and fulfilled at work - which was working with good people and getting the results/wins.

Anonymous wrote:I hear you, OP, late 40s and in this too. What we do is not who we are. (Need to scream it from the rooftops in the DC area, though, as people don't seem to get it.)

Let's be careful about perpetuating myths:
"Executive presence is a certain look, tall and slender athlete built, which requires years of good nutrition, stable home environment and consistent, scientific training." Not true; many with executive presence don't fit this physical description. You can be 5 ft. tall or overweight.

Studies of Fortune 500 CEOs suggest that fewer than 3% of male CEOs are under 5'7". If we apply this percentage to the entire F500 list, it suggests that fewer than 15 CEOs likely fall under 5’8”.

The only way to be an executive and not have the look is to start your own company.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have come to realize that I am not going to make it to the next level in my organization. I am about 5 years from retirement but just feel so deflated about gutting it out knowing I have been passed over. I do not think I will be fired b/c I have a lot of institutional knowledge and specialized expertise, but the humiliation of toiling away and failing to top-out has me so discouraged. I do not think I have it in me to switch jobs at this point - esp. in this market and at my age. I was always the golden child and top performer with good relationships but truth-be-told, I did prioritize time with my kids and never really leaned into the grind lifestyle that would have been required. I assume the conventional advice is - just suck it up and be grateful I have a job?

Just tough to make peace with after being pretty ambitious my whole life.

You don’t sound ambitious at all. You prioritized your family, you don’t like the grind, and you’re retiring at 55. If you were really ambitious, you’d start grinding right now, looking to move organizations, etc., instead of already throwing in the towel.

I have to agree with this! 55 is entering the pinnacle years, and they go until 65 or so. I don’t understand why you are choosing to check out if you still hold those dreams? 55 is super young.

Arr you kidding? Most people are laid off and never find work again in their 50s. Happened to all my aunts and uncles. But we grew up poor and Im sure lacked the executive presence or whatever weasel word execs use to hire a mini-me.

I got a big job at 54, 57 and 60. And I grew up poor. I don’t think it is until 62 it gets hard to job hunt.

Are you a white male over average height?

You were "golden" but leaned out? Get real. You were treading water not doing distance swimming.
If you can keep a job in your 50s and retire at 55 consider yourself lucky.
Your effort and work buy in levels set your ceiling. Own it.

I hear you, OP, late 40s and in this too. What we do is not who we are. (Need to scream it from the rooftops in the DC area, though, as people don't seem to get it.)

Let's be careful about perpetuating myths:
"Executive presence is a certain look, tall and slender athlete built, which requires years of good nutrition, stable home environment and consistent, scientific training." Not true; many with executive presence don't fit this physical description. You can be 5 ft. tall or overweight.

Same here. Worked my way up to a non-managerial position at a large org. At peace with the fact that I'm up against a lot of nepotism in a company town and lack the required pedigree to move up the ladder. That said, the salary is great, we're living comfortably and can take nice vacations and give the kids what they need. I've received solid raises but realized this year that I'm plateauing unless I kick and scream for a promotion.

Do I feel like going up against the nepos and throwing myself into the ring for it? Probably not. Management is dicey and while there are people the favor I've also seen them turn on lower-level managers, so it's a be careful what you wish for scenario. Better to do well enough and live in peace at this point and give myself a raise by cutting back on spending.

I'm 51 and could not care less. Younger me imagined I would be c suite at this point. Now I realize that I have zero interest and am topped out a director level. Younger me was an idiot.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have come to realize that I am not going to make it to the next level in my organization. I am about 5 years from retirement but just feel so deflated about gutting it out knowing I have been passed over. I do not think I will be fired b/c I have a lot of institutional knowledge and specialized expertise, but the humiliation of toiling away and failing to top-out has me so discouraged. I do not think I have it in me to switch jobs at this point - esp. in this market and at my age. I was always the golden child and top performer with good relationships but truth-be-told, I did prioritize time with my kids and never really leaned into the grind lifestyle that would have been required. I assume the conventional advice is - just suck it up and be grateful I have a job?

Just tough to make peace with after being pretty ambitious my whole life.

You don’t sound ambitious at all. You prioritized your family, you don’t like the grind, and you’re retiring at 55. If you were really ambitious, you’d start grinding right now, looking to move organizations, etc., instead of already throwing in the towel.

I have to agree with this! 55 is entering the pinnacle years, and they go until 65 or so. I don’t understand why you are choosing to check out if you still hold those dreams? 55 is super young.

Arr you kidding? Most people are laid off and never find work again in their 50s. Happened to all my aunts and uncles. But we grew up poor and Im sure lacked the executive presence or whatever weasel word execs use to hire a mini-me.

Executive presence is a certain look, tall and slender athlete built, which requires years of good nutrition, stable home environment and consistent, scientific training. So in other words they are looking to hire rich kids turned rich adults.

Anonymous wrote:I am topping out at 36. How do you think I feel?

was never the golden child and never even remotely “topped”, I guess at least I will have an easier 50 year old experience.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have come to realize that I am not going to make it to the next level in my organization. I am about 5 years from retirement but just feel so deflated about gutting it out knowing I have been passed over. I do not think I will be fired b/c I have a lot of institutional knowledge and specialized expertise, but the humiliation of toiling away and failing to top-out has me so discouraged. I do not think I have it in me to switch jobs at this point - esp. in this market and at my age. I was always the golden child and top performer with good relationships but truth-be-told, I did prioritize time with my kids and never really leaned into the grind lifestyle that would have been required. I assume the conventional advice is - just suck it up and be grateful I have a job?

Just tough to make peace with after being pretty ambitious my whole life.

You don’t sound ambitious at all. You prioritized your family, you don’t like the grind, and you’re retiring at 55. If you were really ambitious, you’d start grinding right now, looking to move organizations, etc., instead of already throwing in the towel.

I have to agree with this! 55 is entering the pinnacle years, and they go until 65 or so. I don’t understand why you are choosing to check out if you still hold those dreams? 55 is super young.

Arr you kidding? Most people are laid off and never find work again in their 50s. Happened to all my aunts and uncles. But we grew up poor and Im sure lacked the executive presence or whatever weasel word execs use to hire a mini-me.

I got a big job at 54, 57 and 60. And I grew up poor. I don’t think it is until 62 it gets hard to job hunt.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have come to realize that I am not going to make it to the next level in my organization. I am about 5 years from retirement but just feel so deflated about gutting it out knowing I have been passed over. I do not think I will be fired b/c I have a lot of institutional knowledge and specialized expertise, but the humiliation of toiling away and failing to top-out has me so discouraged. I do not think I have it in me to switch jobs at this point - esp. in this market and at my age. I was always the golden child and top performer with good relationships but truth-be-told, I did prioritize time with my kids and never really leaned into the grind lifestyle that would have been required. I assume the conventional advice is - just suck it up and be grateful I have a job?

Just tough to make peace with after being pretty ambitious my whole life.

You don’t sound ambitious at all. You prioritized your family, you don’t like the grind, and you’re retiring at 55. If you were really ambitious, you’d start grinding right now, looking to move organizations, etc., instead of already throwing in the towel.

I have to agree with this! 55 is entering the pinnacle years, and they go until 65 or so. I don’t understand why you are choosing to check out if you still hold those dreams? 55 is super young.

Arr you kidding? Most people are laid off and never find work again in their 50s. Happened to all my aunts and uncles. But we grew up poor and Im sure lacked the executive presence or whatever weasel word execs use to hire a mini-me.