Anonymous wrote:Ultimatum sounds bad, but communicating is good. This is important to me. I would like -this- for my life.

+1 the term ultimatum sounds negative, controlling, and immature and is often used to put down a woman who is simply communicating her goals for a really big step in life. It’s totally fair that one half of a partnership should be able to state their preferred time frame for the next stage of commitment, especially considering women’s limited reproductive window. And it’s also fair that if the other partner isn’t feeling it they should consider wrapping things up as a couple. It’s mature communication and goal setting, not an ultimatum.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I heard this from a friend. She said to her boyfriend of several years, "I would like to be married to you but if you don't want to be married, I need to date other people." And she did and they were no longer a couple.

No drama no fight. She dated others rather than him and in 6months to a year he had decided, he would like to be married. And he hoped to marry her and hoped she was still available. She was, and they got married.

This happens a lot.

It happens way more than most women admit. Plenty of women I know did this to get married. Are they happy though?

Anonymous wrote:Good miss on his part.

Hers as well.

As a woman who wasted the better part of my 20s (about 7-8 years) with a BF, I say good for your daughter!

I was the one dragging my feet even though my partner had proposed. I was not ready for or interested in marriage at my age. (He was older by about 10 years.) and there were troubling signs of misalignment that I found hard to clearly articulate. He broke up with me, and it was ugly, but it was for the best for both of us.

If your DD wants to be married and settle down, then she should certainly look for that in a relationship, but I hope she’s focused on the kind of person that would be a good fit for her and not just the love story and the wedding. Encourage her to spend time on her self-development - education, good career, buying a home and saving for the future - that all will be important when she finds a better relationship fit.

Ultimatum sounds bad, but communicating is good. This is important to me. I would like -this- for my life.

Anonymous wrote:FWIW, every couple I know that got engaged after an ultimatum on timing eventually divorced.

This is so true.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I heard this from a friend. She said to her boyfriend of several years, "I would like to be married to you but if you don't want to be married, I need to date other people." And she did and they were no longer a couple.

No drama no fight. She dated others rather than him and in 6months to a year he had decided, he would like to be married. And he hoped to marry her and hoped she was still available. She was, and they got married.

This happens a lot.

Kate Middleton did this when William would not propose.

Anonymous wrote:Good for her, he was wasting her time

This. Too many women hang around for years with guys who will not take a relationship to the next step. After 1 year the guy should be able to make a decision.

Anonymous wrote:I heard this from a friend. She said to her boyfriend of several years, "I would like to be married to you but if you don't want to be married, I need to date other people." And she did and they were no longer a couple.

No drama no fight. She dated others rather than him and in 6months to a year he had decided, he would like to be married. And he hoped to marry her and hoped she was still available. She was, and they got married.

This happens a lot.

I heard this from a friend. She said to her boyfriend of several years, "I would like to be married to you but if you don't want to be married, I need to date other people." And she did and they were no longer a couple.

No drama no fight. She dated others rather than him and in 6months to a year he had decided, he would like to be married. And he hoped to marry her and hoped she was still available. She was, and they got married.

Good for her, he was wasting her time

There is no right set time from dating to engagement. Nobody should set expectations on engagement. You can't force that just because one partner is ready.

I would be more concerned that your dd set limits and expectations and will most likely repeat it in her next relationship since she is that intent on getting married. She may have lost a great partner because shes inpatient.

Both your daughter and her boyfriend weren't in the same head space and now they both dodged a bullet by her breaking things off.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think there is a lot of pressure on women in their 20's to get married when friends start to have weddings. At this age, the peer pressure and social media brain washing is huge. It makes women feel unattractive.

It’s very weird.
They should not be looking forward to getting married.

Based on DCUM you'd think all marriages are terrible. This just isn't true. Many people are happily married and love their spouses.

Anonymous wrote:FWIW, every couple I know that got engaged after an ultimatum on timing eventually divorced.

So ... you think you know every single couple you have ever met well enough to know if they got engaged because of an ultimatum? Lol. Ok.

FWIW, every couple I know that got engaged after an ultimatum on timing eventually divorced.