Look up the Burned Haystack Dating Method. This is how I've always operated while dating, and it's nice to see someone put it into a comprehensive way to look at how men communicate with you. I always considered myself someone who is quick to end a relationship that doesn't serve me, and I can easily identify f*ck boys or the controlling types.

Anonymous wrote:This is something people learn over the course of a lifetime. I've been talking to 23 yr old DD since she was 5 or 6 about noticing when people treat others respectfully, verbal abuse, consent, etc. I recall when she was in K and a boy she didn't like, liked her and I taught her the concept of "be gentle with his heart" and she learned to let people down kindly.

OP, I don't think you can give your nieces a book and call it a day.

NP here. You are mean. I could have used such a resource in my 20s. I would not have married an emotional abuser. I didn’t know.

Anonymous wrote:I wish someone had shared advice like this with me when I was younger. Young women are socialized to please, which unfortunately predators will take advantage of.

“Why Does He Do That?” by Lundy Bancroft is a good resource. Also the Captain Awkward archives, which discuss boundaries, escalation, negging, gaslighting, coercion, and other common abuser patterns to be wary of in a relationship.

Omg yes, great book suggestion for op. I forgot about this one.

I wish someone had shared advice like this with me when I was younger. Young women are socialized to please, which unfortunately predators will take advantage of.

“Why Does He Do That?” by Lundy Bancroft is a good resource. Also the Captain Awkward archives, which discuss boundaries, escalation, negging, gaslighting, coercion, and other common abuser patterns to be wary of in a relationship.

The best tool is to replay a situation and ask yourself it it logically makes sense/is ok or do you to need to involve emotion to rationalize/accept it.

There is tons of good advice everywhere- books, movies, newspaper articles, etc. The question you should really be asking is how to get your nieces to listen to it, and the answer, unfortunately, is that it takes a certain level of maturity and some stumbling around to get there. The only women I know who were able to use a shortcut are the ones who wanted to find a man exactly like their father AND would be happy to be with a man exactly like their father.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You don’t have intuition?

Were you raised in an abusive environment?

For some, yes, we were raised in an abusive environment and don't read the clues correctly. Or are neurodivergent and don't read the signs correctly. Or just want some help.

Why the aggressive stance when somebody asks a reasonable question for resources?

Seriously.

I looked into the podcaster and listened to a few. There are so many episodes! Can’t tell how qualified she is just yet, but this could be a good resource for young adults so thank you.

There are a lot of things called Let’s Talk and didn’t land on what the PP suggested.

I think you should do a big shout out to the DCUM community. The responses should be interesting.

Anonymous wrote:You don’t have intuition?

Were you raised in an abusive environment?

For some, yes, we were raised in an abusive environment and don't read the clues correctly. Or are neurodivergent and don't read the signs correctly. Or just want some help.

Why the aggressive stance when somebody asks a reasonable question for resources?

I would want to know if they have a loving family and all get along. Plus know his credit score.

Anonymous wrote:Northanger Abbey by Jane Austen.

I am not kidding. It’s all about a young woman who is away from her family and dealing with a lot of strangers for the first time and, surprise!, not all of them are trustworthy. Austen wrote it specifically to give a heads up to younger women she knew about watching out for red flags in new people she meets.

This actually sounds great for the big readers.

Anonymous wrote:A solid resource for teens is One Love. It includes digital abuse and breakups too.

Came here to say this too. I think they also have speakers that visit schools. It's great that they are talking about this and helping young people be aware of the signs before it's too late.

A solid resource for teens is One Love. It includes digital abuse and breakups too.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Northanger Abbey by Jane Austen.

I am not kidding. It’s all about a young woman who is away from her family and dealing with a lot of strangers for the first time and, surprise!, not all of them are trustworthy. Austen wrote it specifically to give a heads up to younger women she knew about watching out for red flags in new people she meets.

Jane Austen and Edith Wharton are sharp and sometimes satirical chroniclers of society, status, manners and misdemeanors.

Yes, exactly! And human nature hasn’t changed all that much in the past couple centuries.