Anonymous
Post 02/14/2026 07:01     Subject: what do you think would happen in this divorce scenario
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Why does the one spouse have to agree to buy out the other one? Why would one spouse not agree?


You have to be kidding. Whoever gets the house is in a better position usually. I let my ex keep it without fully buying me out but most people would never do that. If I wanted it, he told me he would refuse to let me keep it. There is also an emotional component of who keeps the house.


Why didn’t you make him buy you out?
Anonymous
Post 02/14/2026 06:56     Subject: what do you think would happen in this divorce scenario
I wonder if the OP flipped genders because I know of many marriages where the man is the breadwinner and paid for the house and when they get divorced, he doesn’t think the wife deserves half the house because he paid for it.
Anonymous
Post 02/14/2026 00:09     Subject: what do you think would happen in this divorce scenario
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I was in this situation pretty much exactly with my family money used for downpayment among other things. We split everything 50/50, including retirement. He pays me child support though since he makes more- that's the only difference.


NP and curiosity question: once the retirement accounts are essentially marital (even if each party brought different amounts in pre-marriage), is it even worth doing the tracing if there's a substantial difference in total amount? I can't tell if this will just make an already contentious and acrimonious situation - with one very unreasonable party - even worse.


Not sure what you mean by doing the tracing. But we got married very early in our careers so we didn't come into the marriage with big retirement accounts.


Looking at exactly how much you had with statements right before marriage is enough for “tracing.” If it was not significant and neither person had substantially more it probably isn’t even worth looking into.
Anonymous
Post 02/14/2026 00:07     Subject: what do you think would happen in this divorce scenario
Anonymous wrote:Why does the one spouse have to agree to buy out the other one? Why would one spouse not agree?


You have to be kidding. Whoever gets the house is in a better position usually. I let my ex keep it without fully buying me out but most people would never do that. If I wanted it, he told me he would refuse to let me keep it. There is also an emotional component of who keeps the house.
Anonymous
Post 02/14/2026 00:04     Subject: what do you think would happen in this divorce scenario
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I was in this situation pretty much exactly with my family money used for downpayment among other things. We split everything 50/50, including retirement. He pays me child support though since he makes more- that's the only difference.


NP and curiosity question: once the retirement accounts are essentially marital (even if each party brought different amounts in pre-marriage), is it even worth doing the tracing if there's a substantial difference in total amount? I can't tell if this will just make an already contentious and acrimonious situation - with one very unreasonable party - even worse.


We kept our own and did not do the math. We both had something decent upon getting married. There was a discrepancy, but it wasn’t worth the fight.
Anonymous
Post 02/13/2026 23:01     Subject: what do you think would happen in this divorce scenario
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I was in this situation pretty much exactly with my family money used for downpayment among other things. We split everything 50/50, including retirement. He pays me child support though since he makes more- that's the only difference.


NP and curiosity question: once the retirement accounts are essentially marital (even if each party brought different amounts in pre-marriage), is it even worth doing the tracing if there's a substantial difference in total amount? I can't tell if this will just make an already contentious and acrimonious situation - with one very unreasonable party - even worse.


An unreasonable person isn't going to like getting divorced any more just because you didn't pursue what you were legally entitled to. Their unreasonableness will make them feel like a victim who got robbed no matter what. So you might as well cover all your bases. You can always use these things as bargaining chips down the road.
Anonymous
Post 02/13/2026 22:31     Subject: what do you think would happen in this divorce scenario


She will likely not be permitted to keep the home and buy out the husband, unless he consents to it. He should not consent to it.



Why should he not consent to it? What is the advantage to him?
Anonymous
Post 02/13/2026 22:15     Subject: what do you think would happen in this divorce scenario
Anonymous wrote:Most likely legally 50% split on all assets.
Kid supported by both 50% each.
No alimony payments.


Agree with everything except no alimony.
Anonymous
Post 02/13/2026 22:06     Subject: what do you think would happen in this divorce scenario
Most likely legally 50% split on all assets.
Kid supported by both 50% each.
No alimony payments.
Anonymous
Post 02/13/2026 22:04     Subject: what do you think would happen in this divorce scenario
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I was in this situation pretty much exactly with my family money used for downpayment among other things. We split everything 50/50, including retirement. He pays me child support though since he makes more- that's the only difference.


NP and curiosity question: once the retirement accounts are essentially marital (even if each party brought different amounts in pre-marriage), is it even worth doing the tracing if there's a substantial difference in total amount? I can't tell if this will just make an already contentious and acrimonious situation - with one very unreasonable party - even worse.


If it’s already tense, tracing won’t magically make it worse. It’s just a way to separate what was earned before the marriage from what was earned during it.

Retirement money earned during the marriage is marital. Money in the account before the wedding can sometimes be carved out if you can document it. If the premarital amount is significant, it’s usually worth tracing. If it’s small, the legal fees and drama may not be.
Anonymous
Post 02/13/2026 12:03     Subject: what do you think would happen in this divorce scenario
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I was in this situation pretty much exactly with my family money used for downpayment among other things. We split everything 50/50, including retirement. He pays me child support though since he makes more- that's the only difference.


NP and curiosity question: once the retirement accounts are essentially marital (even if each party brought different amounts in pre-marriage), is it even worth doing the tracing if there's a substantial difference in total amount? I can't tell if this will just make an already contentious and acrimonious situation - with one very unreasonable party - even worse.


Not sure what you mean by doing the tracing. But we got married very early in our careers so we didn't come into the marriage with big retirement accounts.
Anonymous
Post 02/13/2026 10:52     Subject: what do you think would happen in this divorce scenario
Anonymous wrote:I was in this situation pretty much exactly with my family money used for downpayment among other things. We split everything 50/50, including retirement. He pays me child support though since he makes more- that's the only difference.


NP and curiosity question: once the retirement accounts are essentially marital (even if each party brought different amounts in pre-marriage), is it even worth doing the tracing if there's a substantial difference in total amount? I can't tell if this will just make an already contentious and acrimonious situation - with one very unreasonable party - even worse.
Anonymous
Post 02/13/2026 10:45     Subject: what do you think would happen in this divorce scenario
Why does the one spouse have to agree to buy out the other one? Why would one spouse not agree?
Anonymous
Post 02/13/2026 10:39     Subject: what do you think would happen in this divorce scenario
Anonymous wrote:I want to remind you that what's fair does not always equal what's legal. The origins of your downpayment will be considered differently in different states and you should ask a lawyer what laws apply in DC. I know you want to keep this amicable, but it's always wise to know what you could get if you were to go to court.


Yeah, in Virginia this would not count as maritial asset. They house value minus the downpayment would be the value of that asset and the number from which you'd subtract out.
Anonymous
Post 02/13/2026 10:37     Subject: what do you think would happen in this divorce scenario
I was in this situation pretty much exactly with my family money used for downpayment among other things. We split everything 50/50, including retirement. He pays me child support though since he makes more- that's the only difference.