My wife does the same thing. Except she blames it all on me, that she “has to work.” She doesn’t have to. The other annoying part is that she only considers what is in her bank account at end of month as income, ignoring the fact that she has spend money on other things. “I work nonstop for $1500 a month:.:” is a common gripe. Even thought she nets far more than that.

*non-working

This exact thing destroyed my marriage. My ex-DH was in the same mode yours is now in. I don’t have advice except to say that you weren’t too harsh.

Science says complaining just reinforces the negative thoughts, and complaining becomes a habit. He has to make a deliberate and conscious decision to change his mental narrative. He also needs to make a decision to make a change, to be an adult and steer his own life.

He’s also giving over EVEN MORE of his life to the thing he hates, because he’s letting it take up time and brain space during his non-wiring hours. And he’s also letting it poison his most important relationship. Why is he giving it all that power and bandwidth?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
What was his response ?

He said he understood where I was coming from but the behavior hasn’t really improved.

Glad he was receptive.

I’d call him on it every time he over complains about the same stuff

Also remind him that he has to be proactive about his work issues and solving them or

Change the topic or

Leave the room

Good luck OP!

I would say exactly what you said. And every time he complained, I would say “oh, have you done anything to get a new job?” I would also suggest he get a depression and anxiety screening and talk to a career coach. At some point, enough is enough.

You sound very supportive as well as accommodating to your husband’s plight for all that you are doing.

But until your husband takes proactive action on his own (to remove himself completely from his job) then he should not be burdening you w/having to listen to him complain all the time.

You only have so much bandwidth OP.