Brunch granny!

Anonymous wrote:The problem I’ve seen is that often people change a LOT between 20 and 50. And not always in a way that can sustain the connection. I didn’t find my soul mate until my late 30’s. He’s not someone I would have fallen for in my early 20’s. Yes I’m 60 and still have kids in college. But I’m so glad I waited for my special someone.

How was he when you were in your 20s and which kinds of men did you choose to get involved with in your twenties?

I am so glad I waited until I found my husband before I got married. The guy I dated before him was super abusive and thankfully I got out before it got to the point of marriage. Anyway, I was 30 when I got married and going through an abusive relationship made me realize what was important in a partner and my DH is the best partner I could ask for.

I had my first child at 30, they will be leaving the nest when I’m 48. I think it’s ideal.

But no one can control love. I do think one should enjoy their twenties, too many people feel trapped and resentful when they settle down too young - men and women.

Anonymous wrote:No one can afford to have kids at 22.

Healthcare are you kidding??
Jobs ?

And now with no vaccines hell no

I had a kid at 24 with a man 7 years older. Really the only way that works salary wise. I was still in schooling.

I thank my lucky stars that I did not marry my college boyfriend. I was with him starting from age 18 and he was perfect on paper and met all of my parents' expectations for me, but he was also controlling and jealous and I was too young to see the red flags. I really think that people are still not fully formed until after college so I would never recommend that people marry their college or high school boyfriends.

I think it is doable for the right type of personalities.
I worked with two women who had two kids while not yet 30 in NYC. They were both in solid marriages and held professional licensure in our profession. They were not the party hearty types who lit out for drinks with friends. They had supportive family nearby and that made the baby thing easier for sure.
As an older mom, I was jealous of the career path they had in front of them because their kids would be fully out of the house by the time they were 45.
Look, RBG had a baby then went to law school. Helene Kaplan had a family then went to law school and then went onto Skadden Arps. The key is finding the right partner for that journey.
The dating pool is quite large in college and quality candidates shrinks considerably after graduation.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:https://www.compactmag.com/article/get-married-young/

Long interesting article from a professor at uva and his recommendation to students.

Oh please he's an idiot

And you know how? Tenured in sociology at UVA. He is Jefferson Scholar at UVA (‘92), he earned his Ph.D. from Princeton and held research fellowships at Princeton, Yale, and Brookings before joining the University of Virginia. He writes books on the subject. Right. Total idiot.

Anonymous wrote:As surprised as I would be... on a rational level, I fully support this. Marry and have kids in your twenties. They'll be out and you'll have a whole second life ahead of you in your 40s. Wait a decade and all the money earning years will go to your kids. If you have them young when you have nothing... you don't even know better and can just roll with it all. I did it all wrong for the record. Spent my 20s working, finding myself and living the dream... paying for it now and probably well towards 60s as we have college, high school and grammar school kids now in school til 2037.... I'll be the OLDEST parent at graduation and in the poor house.

I only worry about age with respect to being able to get to know my possible grandchildren.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I married at 25 and my marriage is successful in some ways and a failure in others. But no, I don't think there is any legitimate correlation between age of marriage and couple happiness. I suspect this person has a hidden agenda and is just a conservative trying to get the birth rate up.

And what exactly is wrong with that?

Because they're not being honest in their article. The data they give is highly debatable. The article is something my 10th grader could write - actually, I take that back, my 10th grader writes much better.

Overall, this is not worthy of a "professor". If that's the caliber of teacher they have at UVA... it's not great publicity for the university.

I also noted this quote, allegedly from a different UVA professor. So mean-spirited and anti-woman. How does this possibly fictive professor have connections on Wall Street and not know there are working mothers there?

"One professor at UVA put it this way: “You’re throwing your whole life away. Why would I help you get a job if you’re not going to work that long? You could be something really cool on Wall Street, and you’re choosing marriage instead.”

There are a lot of social issues out there but probably the reason parents of the UVA students discussed in the article expect their kids to get married later is because that's what exactly what they did. And look how these parents went on to produce children who got into UVA. No uniformly early marriage required.

Married at 25. Just had our 14 year anniversary. 2 kids in elementary school.

We’ve had a lot of big life/traumatic events happen at young ages. We’ve grown together and we’ve grown as individuals. We are so different now than when we met in college. I think the key is open communication and accepting change. And truly accepting the other person for who they are.

We have definitely Benefitted from a young marriage. And while money felt tight in the beginning when we had young careers, a new home, and a baby, now we’re hitting our stride and I’m grateful that I will be only about 49 when my oldest graduates college.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:https://www.compactmag.com/article/get-married-young/

Long interesting article from a professor at uva and his recommendation to students.

Oh please he's an idiot

+1

UVA law grad. I started reading the article, but came across his reference to “Mr. Jefferson’s University.” I know that’s a thing with UVA boosters, but it’s vomit-inducing.

I married at 35, and it was perfect for us. That's the beauty of being human. We have more variety in thriving than almost any other species.

This is lovely advice and all but there is zero dating at UVA. It's ridiculous in this regard.

Anonymous wrote:I posted earlier about coming up on 25 years. I know several other people that also married just shortly after college and are still happily together. I don’t think it is as big a fluke everywhere.

Personally I think it is smart for women to be serious from college on about who they date. “Dating around” without the goal of finding a spouse is a risky route for those who know they want kids.

- Not religious, not MAGA, middle of the road Dem.

I agree, but I feel the same way about men. I have two sons in their early 20s and they both want to (eventually) be married and have kids. I can tell that they aren't interested in the casual "dating around" that occurs during college anymore and are much more interested in finding serious girlfriends.