Anonymous wrote:You say things like "nosedive" and "very low self confidence and often feels frustrated with himself" and are worried about side effects?? That MIGHT come up? And might not?

You are setting your kid up to fail. And to eventually self medicate the wrong way.

Get the kid some meds, for the love of god. IF there are undesirable side effects - try another med, or try to mitigate them, and TALK TO HIM about what he prefers.

+1. Don’t make your kid suffer because you want to be all “natural” about his health when better alternatives exist.

The thing about adhd meds is if they're working you'll know within a few days. Try them for a week.

Just do a trial run of meds. I think OP is too fearful. Sure can have bad effects but it’s often manageable.

My kid had unbelievable depression from stimulants many years ago and we stopped immediately. I wish we could use stimulants.

Anonymous wrote:Homeschool or medicate. I’m not sure what else you can reasonable expect teachers to do while having a whole classroom to manage.

+1

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:If he had leukemia would you be against chemotherapy because of the side effects?

NP. But we are facing a similar situation. DC refuses to take medication for a variety of reasons.

PP here, everyone with harsh, judgmental tones should keep in mind that it is BEYOND difficult to find a good psychiatrist and even if you find one you may not be able to get in within a year or two or be able to afford them. Also keep in mind that parents of kids with adhd are very l ikely to have it themselves so on top of working and childrearing and house responsibilities, it becomes really incredibly hard to find a care provider and have patience for the months and months of trials with meds. It’s just so hard. Just wanted to throw some sympathy out there for OP.

Huh? That is just not the case. a) we're talking about ADHD meds, which any pediatrician will prescribe. b) you can find a psych NP very easily. c) expensive? Again, if you use a psych NP, they're covered by your health plan.

Dunno what planet you’re on but that has not been the case for us at all.

I'm on a planet where each of my kid have different Psych NPs. Easy to find. Want a list? Let me know what insurance company.

Meds make a pretty big difference....

We also had to hire tutors and a "cognitive skills coach" who has helped with self-awareness and executive functioning. The schools aren't really equipped for this; 504 plans and IEPs haven't done anything. We had to pay for private coaching and tutoring. It's expensive, but working.

Anonymous wrote:I do believe you should try medications and give it 6 months. Reevaluate over the summer. You're worried about side effects when you don't even know if he'll have them.

That being said, have you tried running him hard before school? DH has bad ADHD that he manages without meds. He has an intense workout to start the day. He started doing it as a little boy and would get ran on the playground for 30 min before school. It helped him sit still and his brain focus. When he got older, it was easier because track was before school, as was swimming. Intense exercise can help a lot.

OP said he has inattentive, not hyperactive.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If he had leukemia would you be against chemotherapy because of the side effects?

NP. But we are facing a similar situation. DC refuses to take medication for a variety of reasons.

PP here, everyone with harsh, judgmental tones should keep in mind that it is BEYOND difficult to find a good psychiatrist and even if you find one you may not be able to get in within a year or two or be able to afford them. Also keep in mind that parents of kids with adhd are very l ikely to have it themselves so on top of working and childrearing and house responsibilities, it becomes really incredibly hard to find a care provider and have patience for the months and months of trials with meds. It’s just so hard. Just wanted to throw some sympathy out there for OP.

Huh? That is just not the case. a) we're talking about ADHD meds, which any pediatrician will prescribe. b) you can find a psych NP very easily. c) expensive? Again, if you use a psych NP, they're covered by your health plan.

Dunno what planet you’re on but that has not been the case for us at all.

DP. We did pay OOP for eval and diagnosis (RIP, Chesapeake ADHD!) but DS’s ped manages and prescribes his meds. Definitely easier, more cost-effective, and most peds are pretty up-to-date on it. For most kids without co-morbidities, first try is almost always going to be a generic stimulant anyway.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If he had leukemia would you be against chemotherapy because of the side effects?

NP. But we are facing a similar situation. DC refuses to take medication for a variety of reasons.

PP here, everyone with harsh, judgmental tones should keep in mind that it is BEYOND difficult to find a good psychiatrist and even if you find one you may not be able to get in within a year or two or be able to afford them. Also keep in mind that parents of kids with adhd are very l ikely to have it themselves so on top of working and childrearing and house responsibilities, it becomes really incredibly hard to find a care provider and have patience for the months and months of trials with meds. It’s just so hard. Just wanted to throw some sympathy out there for OP.

Huh? That is just not the case. a) we're talking about ADHD meds, which any pediatrician will prescribe. b) you can find a psych NP very easily. c) expensive? Again, if you use a psych NP, they're covered by your health plan.

Dunno what planet you’re on but that has not been the case for us at all.

I do believe you should try medications and give it 6 months. Reevaluate over the summer. You're worried about side effects when you don't even know if he'll have them.

That being said, have you tried running him hard before school? DH has bad ADHD that he manages without meds. He has an intense workout to start the day. He started doing it as a little boy and would get ran on the playground for 30 min before school. It helped him sit still and his brain focus. When he got older, it was easier because track was before school, as was swimming. Intense exercise can help a lot.

Quit being against something and medicate. Give your child a fighting chance. Change and adapt!

I want to give you a more balanced viewpoint here, there are so many judgmental responses on this board and they are not helpful.

My kid was exactly like yours at that age (now 18). She still has pretty severe executive functioning issues but she's much more attentive and can function much better, particularly if she's interested in the subject.

We tried NINE different ADHD medications. We were and are not against meds (we began at 9 and stopped at 16), she just had side effects with each one so we discontinued (increased emotional dysregulation, or trouble sleeping, or it just wasn't effective). She was on one a few years that didn't have side effects but also didn't seem to make a big difference. She just got so tired of trying we gave up. ADHD meds will not really help with executive function but it will help him be more alert and not "space out" like you described, and maybe not miss instructions.

Maturity, exercise, and cutting sugar and processed foods (her own choice) has helped since she can't tolerate meds. I'd be more worried about SSRIs or other mood altering meds, which we also tried but were ineffective. But they can be very effective, and are necessary, for some people. She is now not on any medication and while she has a lot of anxiety and still has challenges due to ADHD, she'd prefer not to be on meds again and seems better off of them than she was on them. I'm still glad we tried though, and she's now considering trying ADHD meds again as she prepares for college because she thinks now with a more mature brain and no other meds - perhaps she won't have the same reaction.

I also have ADHD and I WISH I had been on ADHD meds in middle and high school. I did turn to other things to self-medicate and although I eventually succeeded academically in grad school, I would have done much better had I been on meds (I am on a low dose of meds now). Being on meds now I can say that they aren't the big scary thing I thought they were, especially ADHD meds. They don't change your personality, they don't fix your ADHD or change your brain, they just give you a little boost that helps you pay more attention and motivate better. They don't stay in your system long, so if they don't work or cause side effects, you can discontinue quickly. But I do understand the reluctance to giving them to an 11 year old. I was very scared about it but multiple doctors told me that ADHD meds are very well researched in kids and meds plus behavioral therapy are really the only effective treatment.

I can tell you, this will likely get worse before it gets better, especially if you aren't open to trying medication, and his self-esteem will definitely suffer. If there is one thing I wish I could go back and fix, for myself and my daughter, it is that. Feeling different and like everyone is annoyed with you, thinks your stupid, or thinks you are a problem in your formative years is very damaging.

I'm sorry OP. It's really, really hard to watch your child struggle. But in this case, there is something you can do about it. Everything you describe is are EXACTLY the things we worried would happen to our 10 year DS if we did not at least try medications. And he did have some side effects with the first few meds we tried until we found one that literally transformed his trajectory (long acting stimulant). It was worth it and I feel almost tearful thinking about the unnecessary hardships my smart, sweet boy would be experiencing in school without it. Instead, he has friends, gets good grades and gets to show who he is and feel good about himself.

I have also worked with a lot of people diagnosed as adults who never got help with their ADHD as kids. Most of them self medicated (alcohol, drugs, other people's prescriptions for stimulants etc) at some point and nearly all of them felt anger and resentment at the adults who let it go on despite the obvious signs. Please book a consultation with your pediatrician and get all the facts about medication. Ideally, ask for a referral to a psychiatrist. If one medication does not work during a trial, try another.

Otherwise, get an executive functioning coach (this is often an OT or Learning Specialist), commit to sitting with your DS daily to plan their homework/schedule and anticipate that he will struggle all the way through high school and beyond.

We started our son on adhd meds around 7, was recommended earlier, we were worried and did not want to medicate. We are glad we did. If you find the right med for your child, really no terrible side effects.

He's got a very low self confidence and often feels frustrated with himself because he wants to do well and pay attention, but he just can't do it any more than he is.

Between that and his performance nosediving, I can’t imagine why you aren’t more worried about creating a mental health crisis for your child. Or more of one than you’ve
Already created. Your poor child sounds like he’s a mess.