Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Doesn’t sound like you have much of a marriage anyway. The biggest concern would be how it will impact the kids and whether you’re ok with being basically a single parent.

We have more of a parenting marriage. At 10 and 12, do kids basically know what they want or will we all come to regret this arrangement?

There’s nothing wrong with this arrangement. It’s really not a big deal.

I think it’s fine. You’ve basically been separate already. It doesn’t really matter. It’s actually the perfect set up because some kids don’t have to go back-and-forth. If you ever got a divorce they still get to see their dad. You have more money. I don’t see the downside of this at all in your situation.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Doesn’t sound like you have much of a marriage anyway. The biggest concern would be how it will impact the kids and whether you’re ok with being basically a single parent.

We have more of a parenting marriage. At 10 and 12, do kids basically know what they want or will we all come to regret this arrangement?

If you have more of a parenting marriage yet he’s gone for most of the parenting, what does that leave for the kids?

A permanent job change is very different than a deployment or short term assignment. If this is a permanent change I would give it some serious consideration before moving forward. You’re right on the cusp of the teen years when there is a lot going on and a very different kind of parenting is needed for kids. Does your DH really want to be that removed from their daily lives?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you work, OP? If not, you should all move.

I do work. My job is tied to where we currently live, but I can somewhat easily find a new job. It actually seems like the kids will prefer this set up -- they don't want to move

Of course they don't, but you're the parents and have to think about the deeper impact of having a weekend dad.

I wouldn’t uproot the whole family before dh even knows if he likes this job and will stick with it. They could start with this set up and reassess in 6 months or a year. But I wouldn’t quit a job, change schools for kids, change housing for a new job for DH without being sure how it would go.

Posters who are suggesting op uproot her whole life like this, have probably never had to make a choice like this with jobs and kids.

Moving for a job isn't such a unique experience, weird to assume people must have no experience with it.

It’s not, but neither is having a long distance set up when circumstances necessitate.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you work, OP? If not, you should all move.

I do work. My job is tied to where we currently live, but I can somewhat easily find a new job. It actually seems like the kids will prefer this set up -- they don't want to move

Of course they don't, but you're the parents and have to think about the deeper impact of having a weekend dad.

I wouldn’t uproot the whole family before dh even knows if he likes this job and will stick with it. They could start with this set up and reassess in 6 months or a year. But I wouldn’t quit a job, change schools for kids, change housing for a new job for DH without being sure how it would go.

Posters who are suggesting op uproot her whole life like this, have probably never had to make a choice like this with jobs and kids.

Moving for a job isn't such a unique experience, weird to assume people must have no experience with it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you work, OP? If not, you should all move.

I do work. My job is tied to where we currently live, but I can somewhat easily find a new job. It actually seems like the kids will prefer this set up -- they don't want to move

Of course they don't, but you're the parents and have to think about the deeper impact of having a weekend dad.

I wouldn’t uproot the whole family before dh even knows if he likes this job and will stick with it. They could start with this set up and reassess in 6 months or a year. But I wouldn’t quit a job, change schools for kids, change housing for a new job for DH without being sure how it would go.

Posters who are suggesting op uproot her whole life like this, have probably never had to make a choice like this with jobs and kids.

Anonymous wrote:He's OK with leaving his kids 4 days per week every week?

I don't think this sounds sustainable.

+1

My husband would not be willing to be away from his kids that much. and ours are the same

My husband is gone most of the week, and we have 4 kids 5-12. It's enjoyable and peaceful without him here, and things are pretty much the same as before.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you work, OP? If not, you should all move.

I do work. My job is tied to where we currently live, but I can somewhat easily find a new job. It actually seems like the kids will prefer this set up -- they don't want to move

Of course they don't, but you're the parents and have to think about the deeper impact of having a weekend dad.

THIS.

They are kids. Move them. Move with your spouse.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you work, OP? If not, you should all move.

I do work. My job is tied to where we currently live, but I can somewhat easily find a new job. It actually seems like the kids will prefer this set up -- they don't want to move

Of course they don't, but you're the parents and have to think about the deeper impact of having a weekend dad.

Yes, hive mind, please help me think through the long term impacts of this for my marriage, family unit and kids

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Doesn’t sound like you have much of a marriage anyway. The biggest concern would be how it will impact the kids and whether you’re ok with being basically a single parent.

We have more of a parenting marriage. At 10 and 12, do kids basically know what they want or will we all come to regret this arrangement?

how do you have a parenting marriage if you're also doing everything on your own?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He's OK with leaving his kids 4 days per week every week?

I don't think this sounds sustainable.

They are 10 & 12, not 4 & 2. You guys are super coddling of parents, just like how parents shouldn't need to wait till their kids are 18 to date, they shouldn't need to be their 24/7 for their 10 and 12 year olds.

There's a huge difference between 24/7 and less than half the time. Stop mischaracterizing what other people say.

Anonymous wrote:Doesn’t sound like you have much of a marriage anyway. The biggest concern would be how it will impact the kids and whether you’re ok with being basically a single parent.

We have more of a parenting marriage. At 10 and 12, do kids basically know what they want or will we all come to regret this arrangement?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you work, OP? If not, you should all move.

I do work. My job is tied to where we currently live, but I can somewhat easily find a new job. It actually seems like the kids will prefer this set up -- they don't want to move

Of course they don't, but you're the parents and have to think about the deeper impact of having a weekend dad.

Doesn’t sound like you have much of a marriage anyway. The biggest concern would be how it will impact the kids and whether you’re ok with being basically a single parent.